Are you tolerable enough for that ritual of Canadian summer, the cottage invite? Take this Scott Feschuk quiz to find out.
Photo illustration by Sarah MacKinnon
Here’s a Canadian summertime truth: The only thing better than owning a cottage is being invited to visit one. The cottage invitation confers all the benefits of seasonal bliss, with none of the worries about the sagging dock, the wonky plumbing, or the fact that the master bedroom was, over the winter, transformed into a swingers’ club for mice.
But there’s a catch: The only way to guarantee future visits to cottage country is to behave well enough as a guest to avoid being forever exiled from consideration.
How do you know if you’re being just tolerable enough to make it back next summer? For those currently mooching the good life, here’s a helpful quiz to give you a sense of where you stand in the eyes of your hosts. Tally points as indicated and consult the end of the column for the verdict.
1. Upon arrival, it’s good form to give a gift to your hosts. What did you bring for them?
2. You can tell a lot by watching how your host couple communicate when they think you’re not looking. Have you noticed any of the following? Score two points for each time you answer yes:
3. Halfway through your scheduled visit, you wake up in the morning to find waiting for you:
4. In all likelihood, your hosts will have had to perform some minor maintenance on the cottage during your stay. How did you respond?
5. Every guest makes certain demands—but are you asking too much of your hosts? There are warning signs. For instance, when you request a “fluffier” pillow, does your host:
6. Some cottage-owners send subtle “signals” to indicate that guests have worn out their welcome. Have your hosts said or done any of the following? Score two points for each time you answer yes:
The verdict:
0 to 9 points: Congratulations—you’re officially tolerable! Bank on a return visit next summer.
10 to 23 points: It’s looking iffy. Your best hope for a return invitation is if your hosts’ others friends are marginally more unbearable.
24 points or more: You will never again be invited to this cottage. Safe in this knowledge, you may as well crash their boat now for good measure.
Follow Scott Feschuk on Twitter @scottfeschuk