Historical explanations reimagined to be exactly as plausible as the official story regarding Tiger Woods

by Scott Feschuk

This highly incriminating cut on my left middle finger? Bit by Godzilla. – O.J. Simpson

When I claimed Jews were responsible for all the world’s wars, I was merely acting “in character” as research for my next movie, Dr. Aryan’s Wondrous Anti-Semitiquarium. – Mel Gibson

It was my understanding that across much of the American south, “hiking the Appalachian trail” is a well-known euphemism for “doing that Argentine chick.” – Gov. Mark Sanford

This transvestite, officer? This one here in the passenger seat of my car? It comes standard on this particular model of Toyota Land Cruiser. – Eddie Murphy

Damn mosquito just kept landing on different parts of her face. – Chris Brown

I thought our ages just had to average out to 18. – Roman Polanski

I chose Sarah Palin as my vice-presidential nominee because she was the best available candidate. – John McCain




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Historical explanations reimagined to be exactly as plausible as the official story regarding Tiger Woods

  1. Or…. since nobody else was hurt, he can pay for the property damage, and has had a spotless public life thus far… we can mind our own damn business.

    • But how does that entertain us?? Oh… that wasn't your frame of reference… I've heard that there are others, mostly found in the past.

  2. Thanks for visiting my blog, Mr. Woods. Big fan.

  3. Clubbinfacen? Swedish for foreplay. That IKEA guy.

  4. "She didn't love my nuts" – Vince Shlomi

  5. "People didn't get a chance to really understand the Green Shift. That's why we lost" – Stephane Dion.

  6. "I was just sucking an evil spirit out through her tail bone." Medicine man charged with sexually assaulting 18 year old in Saskatchewan offers his defence, as quoted in the Leader Post newspaper this week.

  7. Until we know what number and kind it was (driver? wedge?), I think we should refrain from comment.

  8. Tiger runs away from club-wielding ex bikini model..

    … into the arms of a fire hydrant and a tree.

  9. They were both rehearsing for starring roles in the sequel of "The hand that rocks the cradle".

    or…

    Elin's alittle shy that she can't play golf well. So he gives her lessons at 2 am for privacy. There's even a gold course across the street (this is true). She takes a swing and accidentally releases the club, smashing several windows at once. He decides to drive the car to a garage (there's no time in the morning), but with the windows all smashed he can't see the fire hydrant and a tree in the rear view mirror.

  10. They were both rehearsing for starring roles in the sequel of "The hand that rocks the cradle".

    or…

    Elin's alittle shy that she can't play golf well. So he gives her lessons at 2 am for privacy. There's even a gold course across the street (this is true). She takes a swing and accidentally releases the club, smashing several windows at once. He decides to drive the car to a garage (there's no time in the morning), but with the windows all smashed he can't see the fire hydrant and a tree in the rear view mirror.

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