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Memo to Liberals: Bring Back the Rat Pack


 

bring back the Rat Pack

No, not that Rat Pack. In fact, I should apologize just for making you think of that Rat Pack. Your head is pounding now, isn’t it?

Sorry. I’m sorry.

(People forget this, but top researchers long ago concluded that the antics of Sheila Copps, Brian Tobin, John Nunziata and Don Boudria were so piercing and shrill as to be capable of transcending the time-space continuum to cause crippling headaches. It is this same principle that will enable Bill Clinton, on the 10th anniversary of his death, to impregnate Jessica Simpson’s granddaughter.)

As the 40th Parliament begins, some Liberals actually believe the party’s Rat Pack is an example worth emulating today – that a loud, hysterical opposition is an effective opposition.

They argue that, sure, there were those who wanted to smack the Rat Packers around a bit, to hurt them, to make them suffer intense, lasting pain – and that was just John Turner. But, they say, these four MPs helped create an impression of the reigning party that culminated in 1993 with the Progressive Conservatives being reduced to two members, neither of whom could do a thing with their hair.

That said, what the Liberals need now isn’t the old Copps-Tobin Rat Pack. For inspiration, they need to look to the original Rat Pack – a group defined by cool, by an above-it-all world weariness and by the ability, currently foreign to the Liberals, to come across as likable.

Stephen Harper is so cheerless and his ministers are so fearful and enfeebled that there has just got to be some public-opinion reward awaiting a party that showcases its humanity, displays a sense of humour and stops acting as though the fate of the free world depended on the government’s response to the second report of the third meeting of the Standing Committee on Whatever the Hell.

Calmly ask questions that are actual questions, not allegations. Heckle only if you’re got a killer one-liner. Don’t shriek like a little girl who’s skinned her knee. Don’t theatrically declare Stephen Harper the Worst. Prime Minister. Ever. (Do rob five casinos in one night, but only if you can get away clean.)

To answer the question forming in your head: Iggy is Sinatra, Rae is Deano, Dion is now Sammy and Dryden is the 15 minutes too long that each of the Rat Pack’s movies went.


 
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Memo to Liberals: Bring Back the Rat Pack

  1. “Iggy is Sinatra, Rae is Deano, Dion is now Sammy and Dryden is the 15 minutes too long that each of the Rat Pack’s movies went.”

    That’d be cool to see, but as things stand now Iggy is Paul McCartney, Rae is MC Hammer, Dion is Brian Wilson, Dryden is the drummer from Trooper, and Justin Trudeau is Zamfir. Even though Harper should be easy pickings as a dickish Pat Boone, I’m not awash in hope for this group.

  2. Sean S – well played :)

  3. Agreed. Dickish Pat Boone pretty much nails it. Send him a prize, Scott!

  4. I can see the Conservative JT attack adds for 2014 right now panflutes and all…

  5. “showcases its humanity, displays a sense of humour and stops acting as though the fate of the free world”

    Happy warriors always come across better than humorless scolds but I don’t know if it’s possible for Libs to make the transition. To me, the left relies on doom and gloom to justify their desire for massive government programs. We live in one of the most tolerant, well off countries in the world but you would never know that when listening to many of our Lib and NDP pols.

  6. Sacrilege!

    Iggy is not Sinatra. Not even in an analogy should one call ANYONE Sinatra.

    Sinatra is Sinatra.

    Period.

  7. Isn’t Dryden more like Joey Bishop?

    Oh, and Stephen Harper is NOT Pat Boone. Pat Boone is WAY cooler than Harper. Pat Boone is good friends with Alice Cooper for Pete’s sake. He’s covered Metallica and Judas Priest. His cover of Crazy Train was the theme song for the Osbournes.

    On his coolest day Stephen Harper is not as cool as Pat Boone.

  8. No way Iggy is more like a Dean Martin .. maybe Chretien as Sinatra hmmm … Dion definitely Jerry Lewis hanging around the sidelines wanting and dreaming to be rat packer someday but no luck … Now Bobby R. he would be the prefect what;s his name you know the english guy who married into the kennedy’s always a nice smile and great speaker but better at behind the scene girl getter for the big guy … Dryden doesn’t qualify to park the cars .. justin as Zampfir though hmmmmm … No way Harper could be rat packer as copious amounts of alcohol are required although Sam Gianconno might be a pick though I can’t imagine him giving Iggy a gold rolex and a job when things get tough you never know though as he constantly surprises me!

  9. Joey Bishop – (that’s his name see the Lord)

  10. Hey, no fair dissing Sheila Copps. Anyone who’d hurdle her desk in the Commons to take a swing at Sinclair Stevens is just fine by me!

  11. Wayne, I think you mean Peter Lawford. Kind of a 3rd class Cary Grant without the talent.

  12. OH! Rigggght ! Peter L – no wonder I couldn’t remember the name didn’t he marry a Kenedy cousin or something like that – alzheimers moment (they used to be blonde moments no gender insult meant)… thanx Sis

  13. Yup. He was a brother-in-law to the Dead Kennedys ( not the band ).

  14. To me, the left relies on doom and gloom to justify their desire for massive government programs. We live in one of the most tolerant, well off countries in the world but you would never know that when listening to many of our Lib and NDP pols.

    Oh jwl, get over yourself. That has nothing to do with “THE LEFT.” Do you remember the Reform/CA/CPC when they were in opposition? “They’re going to take our guns! Canada is a haven for terrorists! Man the firewalls! We are letting down our anglosphere brothers as they go to war in Iraq! Kiddy porn everywhere!”

    We live in one of the most tolerant, well off countries in the world but you never would have known that when listening to many of the Alliance. Seriously, you had to question whether half of them even liked being in Canada. Oppositions are doom and gloom, don’t try and paint it as a “left” thing.

  15. Whatever the result is with the rat pack, Paul Martin is definitely Ringo Starr.

  16. Hey! I’ve got an actual question!!

    “Given that the Conservatives managed to both reduce revenues through a GST cut that no economist in the land thought was a good idea, and followed it up with a mournful ‘so sorry we have to go into deficit spending,’….how the hell does the Conservative party manage to dupe voters into thinking that it’s fiscally responsible all the time?”

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