How to get revenge on a cheater

Some creative ways for betrayed wives to hit an ex where it hurts


How to get revenge on a cheaterThe makers of superglue could never have imagined these creative uses by scorned women seeking revenge on cheating exes: spread around the rim of a toilet seat, the king’s throne becomes a more permanent resting spot. Rubbed over a thermostat turned on full blast, it really gets him feeling hot and bothered. And a delicately applied glaze affixes a sleeping man’s prized possession to those legs that led him to the mistress’s lair.

Such scenarios are copious in a new book provocatively titled The Down and Dirty Dish on Revenge: Serving It Up Nice and Cold to That Lying, Cheating Bastard by Eva Nagorski. She got the idea after being hired by an ad agency for a viral marketing campaign to promote a Court TV show called Parco, PI. It had her blogging as a fictional wife with a straying husband. “It hit me how much revenge touches everyone’s life somehow,” she says. “People get hurt and they want payback.”

The book, which is aimed at women even though Nagorski acknowledges men suffer the results of infidelity too, vacillates between outlandish stories and commentary by academics on the merits and dangers of getting revenge. Imagine a mélange of self-help (the “Revenger Quiz” gauges your level and style of vindictiveness), satire (a recipe for “the cold dish of revenge” includes “one hot thong he’ll never see you in”), history and psychology, written in the tone of a chick-lit novel. In the book, Nagorski offers the Bridget Jones generation of women advice like an Ivana Trump clone. Where the divorcee espoused, “Don’t get mad, get everything,” Nagorski quips, “Conquer or die.”

The best revenge, says Nagorski, targets a cheater’s dearest possession or hobby and makes for a funny story—if only in a sardonic way. For the philandering sports fanatic who brings his new lady to the games you used to attend with him, take advantage of the Jumbotron: picture his face framed with a message alerting fans that the man sitting in row eight, seat 75 cheated on his wife with the woman next to him. BOOOO! A wine-collecting ex may have his premier vintages doled out to the neighbours or plunged into water so that all the labels slip off. Restock the cellar with these no-name bottles and watch him reel. Cheers!

Among the most common objects of revenge are cars. Damaging them provides a double whammy: his status symbol is ghettoized, and until he gets it fixed, he’ll be reminded of his trespasses wherever he drives, including to her house. That “car guys” may refer to their vehicle as “her” or “she” and spend more time and money souping it up than on their former lovers only adds to the exhilaration. Vandalism, however, can have serious consequences, Nagorski cautions, and if people aren’t careful they could land in jail: “Legal revenge is what I condone,” she says.

There are, of course, horrifying tales of revenge, ones involving a lopped-off penis or even death. Nasty voice mails can go public; there could be harassment charges or worse. One woman who fell asleep while spying on her ex from under his SUV nearly died. Those seeking a more muted form of revenge may consider putting up posters of their ex with the line “Lost Dog,” which happened in the fictional wife blog.
Then there are the epic urban myths, like the one about the woman who stuffed fish inside hollow curtain rods after her unfaithful partner refused to leave their apartment. She took off. When, weeks later, he couldn’t figure out the source of the stench, the man was forced to move out, too—and he took the curtain rods with him.

No matter what form the revenge takes, Nagorski says, if it’s done well and legally, the experience should be therapeutic—one expert in the book even suggests revenge is the first step toward forgiveness. One of Nagorski’s hopes for the book is that it will lift the veil of shame people experience for feeling angry and vengeful. In fact, shame is something that revenge and cheating have in common, says Nagorski, “It’s hard for people to admit [to] it.”

Half the fun of reading this book is being seen in public with it. All the better if the ex catches you reading it. Nagorski, who says she’s happily married, muses about her husband’s reaction to hearing the tactics his wife learned during her research. “He’s scared,” she laughs, before quickly adding, “Nooo, he’s not!” You can bet there are plenty of husbands who will be.


How to get revenge on a cheater

  1. probably the worst advice anyone could give (or heaven forbid, take!)
    taking revenge in the forms prescribed above would most likely be indicative a person who cherishes pettiness to a point where you could call it obsessive, and holds a vindictive attitude to anyone that wrongs them. attributes that probably helped exacerbate the situation that drove them to this.

    it's just this kind of mentality (form both parties in relationships gone sour) that causes divorces to turn into the most immoral and destructive pissing contests imaginable. sometimes you'll just have to admit that you're the better person and can walk away. being petty like this isn't simply a waste of your time, it can also teach your kids that lashing out in a purely self-involved form with the sole intention of causing harm is actually a good thing.

  2. i agree with uncool. how can someone dole out drivel like this as advice. if your man cheats on you, YOU WEREN'T THAT GOOD TO BEGIN WITH. Don't exacerbate the problem with petty minded vindictiveness, just take your humiliation and try to do better for the next man who pays you any interest.

    • You are an idiot. If someone cheats – they are worthless with no self respect or respect for anyone else. It has nothing to do with how good their partner is. I believe in karma, my best friends husband cheated on her – he got HIV from the girl he slept with. Leave revenge to karma, it will be the worst pay back they could ever imagine.

    • wtf thats all wrong. some ppl are assholes and deserve to get whats coming to them.i was not only cheated on but put on an emotional roller coaster for 3 yrs… then i gave up and decided i wanted revenge

    • If your man cheats on you it's not always because "you weren't that good to begin with"….I am an outgoing, intelligent, beautiful and independant woman, who happens to be a nurse and a model….my ex cheated on me time after time with someone who wasn't even remotely attractive or someone who was slow, (mentally) or someone he could take advantage of or use….who hadn't caught onto his mirage of lies about who he was/is…..his serial cheating had nothing to do with me, I found out that he was a serial cheater before we ever dated and will continue to be for a long time to come. His loss, not mine.

  3. The car revenge is a great idea if you want to get arrested or assaulted. Not many people know this, but that's actually how the trouble in the middle east started, with car revenge. And it's just been getting worse ever since.

  4. why give all your energy to the person who decided to cheat on you? It's better to give your positive energy to a positive relationship. Definitely unhealthy approach.

  5. sometimes revenge isnt the best answer but when your cheated on… stuff like this is PERFECT.

  6. i just got cheated on and so do AGREE! u can tell of the men who where writing in this! i never knew how it felt until now and ones who talk against it either don't know or cheat! Going for Men they believe if u dont give them what they want then married t.w.! ha got what he deserved go nine iron!!..or not some may go elsewhere and say sorry n be done.. manipulative spineless losers! i know i never deserved getting cheated on it was there own insurcurites he had insurcurties i have vindictivness! n just lost a wonderful women out if it and is going to find karma in his own time people don't deserve to be treated that way grow some n virbily leave the relationship Before it happens theres an idea! Now im gonna go post for my lost dog! that made my day!