Traffic - Macleans.ca
 

Traffic

I need better excuses for why I didn’t want to come to your holiday party


 

[A mid-sized holiday mixer is being hosted at a woman’s home. The doorbell rings and she walks up to the door and opens it.]

Woman 1: Hey, you made it!
Woman 2: Yeah, hi, sorry I’m late. [she walks in, the door closes behind her]
W1: Oh, no problem. What held you up?
W2: Traffic.
[silence between the two women]
W1: Traffic?
W2: Yeah, it’s just crazy out there. The snow is heavy, the roads are terrible – it’s pretty bad.
W1: Traffic.
W2: My car wouldn’t even start at first and – let me just take off my coat – and it was just sliding across the ice.
W1: You’re an hour and a half late because of traffic.
W2: Yeah, I mean, I’m sorry I’m so late but –
W1: No, no, it’s fine, it’s just that I didn’t think you’d have to drive such a short distance.
W2: Well, typically I would have walked but it’s so cold outside tonight.
W1: But, you live next door.
[silence]
W2: What are you trying to say?
W1: Nothing, it’s just that you live literally twenty steps away from my front door.
W2: So?
W1: You’re telling me that you physically got into your car, put the key in the ignition and drove 20 – maybe 30 feet – and you somehow got stuck in traffic.
W2: Well, if you’re going to say it like that.
W1: I just don’t understand how you could have gotten stuck in traffic.
W2: Well, you’ve got at least twenty people in your house. I was looking for some place to park.
W1: It took you over an hour to park?
W2: There was a lot of snow. And besides, it’s not like your house is so easy to find.
[silence]
W1: What?
W2: What?
W1: You live directly next door to me. You can wave to me in my bedroom from your bathroom window.
W2: It’s so shrouded! You have so many plants and there were all those cars.
W1: Look, if you’re just late, that’s okay. I mean-
[crosstalk]
W2: I just don’t understand –
W1: you might have been doing your hair –
W2: why don’t you believe –
W1: and you just lost track of time –
W2: that your house is kind of hard to find –
W1: and you’ve created this elaborate story.
[silence]
W2: It was just traffic.
W1: Alright, well, you’re here now so it doesn’t matter. Lets just get you a drink. [She walks to the window and pulls the curtain back.] Wow, I guess you’re right. There really is a lot of snow outside.
W2: Yeah, I know.
W1: Where did you end up parking anyway?
W2: Oh, I just drove around until I decided to risk it and park in your neighbor’s driveway.
[silence]
W1: You parked in your own driveway?
W2: You know, that’s a great top. I have it in blue.


 

Traffic

  1. You are totally w2.