12 food confessions I’m not proud of (for the most part)

1. I’m not crazy about sous vide anything.

2. I’d choose really good butter over foie gras, if those were my two dessert island options.

3. Quinoa recipes always tell you to rinse the quinoa before cooking it. I have never done this. Wait, that’s a lie: I did rinse quinoa once and then spent an hour trying to clean my mesh strainer. I will never do it again. Also, I have never had black quinoa.

4. Eggplant recipes always tell you to sprinkle slices of the vegetable with salt, layer them up and then put something heavy on top–in order to remove bitter juices or something. I have never done this either. Wait, another lie: I did it once and thought, “why would anyone do all this work in order to prepare an average-tasting vegetable for consumption?” I think my eggplant parmigiana, caponata and ratatouille all taste fine despite skipping this step.

5. I don’t wash fruit before eating it.  Lemons, grapes, apple, doesn’t matter. I am especially opposed to washing strawberries.

6. I don’t like sweet breads. (I just heard millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror.) But I keep ordering them in restaurants. You know why? BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS COVERED IN DELICIOUS BREADCRUMBS AND THEN FRIED IN BUTTER AND SERVED WITH DELICIOUS SAUCES. People who say they like eating thyroid glands and pancreases are probably lying. They just like eating stuff that’s breaded and fried.

7. I don’t care for chicken like everybody else does. But I do like a quarter chicken dinner (with fries) from Swiss Chalet about twice a year. I love pork chops.

8. I don’t like it when restaurants advertise “zucchini carpaccio” or ” beet carpaccio” on their menus. Those things aren’t carpaccio. Carpaccio is raw beef tenderloin, sometimes gently seared. Zucchini carpaccio is raw zucchini.

9. I like showing off at dinner parties and on dates by boldly deboning whole fish and whacking off the head and the tail. I’m not actually very good at it, though. But if you do it with vigour and confidence, people won’t notice that you just mangled a perfectly good whole fish.

10. I will not buy cheap olive oil or “parmesan.” I will, however, stock up on Dr. Oetker’s frozen pizza when they go on sale, sometimes as low as three for $10.

11. Despite them being on the cover of magazines, the subjects of endless blogs, Tweets and print stories, I have never seen one of these new Toronto food trucks.

12. I have never eaten at a “pop-up” anything.

Whew! That felt great. Feel free to get your confessions–preferably just food-related ones–off your chest too.




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12 food confessions I’m not proud of (for the most part)

  1. You wild and crazy rebel, you! Heh.

  2. What’s your reasoning for never washing fruit? Is it simply out of laziness? Aside from pesticide chemicals, the skin of fruits contains bacteria, from everyone that has ever handled or touched the fruit.

    • If you want to remove meaningful amounts of bacteria and pesticides, a rinse won’t do it. You’ll have to scrub. You ever try to scrub a ripe strawberry? or individually every one of a whole bunch of grapes?
      Besides, the amount of either pesticide or bacteria found on fresh fruits isn’t enough to seriously harm a healthy person.

      • A good rinse is better than nothing….strawberries or grapes can be rinsed in a colander.

        Flies walk on fruit and vegetables…even in supermarkets. And everyone from the field hands on up to customers handle them….and not everybody washes after using the bathroom.

        There’s no such thing as ‘stomach flu’….it’s food poisoning. And even a mild case isn’t pleasant….for ‘healthy’ people ..much less anyone ‘run down’ or having problems with their immune system.

        • Indeed, if I had a compromised immune system, I’d avoid eating fresh foods completely. Cooking is the only way to be sure.
          I know anecdotedata, but I’m in my 7th decade eating unwashed fruit, and never had a problem. Most fruits are a little acid, and I suspect that makes the juice somewhat anti-bacterial. Not to mention slight fermentation of overripe fruit, alcohol being a germicide.
          Undercooked meat, on the other hand – that stuff is dangerous.

          • Well, maybe you’ve been lucky….or never noticed a mild case of it…but children don’t have fully-developed immune systems.

            Depends on the meat though….a medium rare steak is one thing, but medium rare hamburger quite another. Yet lots of people eat it.

  3. ” like showing off at dinner parties and on dates by boldly deboning whole fish and whacking off the head and the tail.”

    After this week’s news, I think you should be more circumspect for a while at showing off your mad skills at chopping heads and tails off, particularly on dates.

    A couple of years ago, I wanted to learn how to cook food properly and not half assed as I was, and my missus wanted to try out no wheat/dairy/sugar diet for one month to lose 10 pounds. Now my body is a temple as far as food goes but I can’t stop occasionally eating Reese’s peanut butter cups or McD french fries – those two food items are delightful and I am addict.

  4. I dunno, Jessica, is it really a good idea to debunk your own food trendiness on your own trendy food blog? Doesn’t matter to me: you’re still hilarious and I love the honesty. Foodies can be such bores — let’s eat, dammit!

  5. Sometimes I have a Caesar and a cigarette for breakfast.

    Although I drink my coffee black when I’m out in the world, I’ll sometimes take it at home with whipped cream and a shot of Frangelica.

    Vegetables must be cooked, and you’re not supposed to taste flour when you eat pasta.

    The potato is the most versatile of all the vegetables.

    Brown rice is awful. Brown rice sushi is ludicrous.

    Conversations with foodies tend to be embarrassing. Well – the only one I know is also a runner, so the conversations can be even worse than that.

    These aren’t really confessions, I know. But it did feel good to get them off my chest.

  6. I genuinely like McDonald’s Big Macs and Fries. And McMuffins and hash browns. (Mind you, once in a while, say once a month.) Also, I can’t eat lobster without making a giant mess and getting only a minimum of actual meat out of them.
    Okay, I feel better now…

  7. yum, “dessert island”

  8. i sometimes buy pre-shedded cheese because i hate shredding cheese.

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