Golf etiquette (or lack thereof)

There is no “I” in “team,” but there is certainly an “I” in “Tiger.”

Playing video games and watching TV as he recovers from season-ending knee surgery, Mr. Woods has found some time to grace us with his thogs. (Thog: a thought posted on a blog. You heard it here first, patent lawyers). In his latest entry, the world’s greatest golfer tells his loyal disciples that he was asked to be an assistant coach at this year’s Ryder Cup tournament in September. Tiger is injured, after all, so Paul Azinger, captain of the U.S. squad, figured it would be classy to offer him a token role in the much-hyped America versus Europe showdown. A nice gesture, if you ask me.

Tiger’s response? Thanks but no thanks. “I wouldn’t do it for a couple of reasons,” God wrote on his website today. “1) I’m not on the team. 2) The event should be about the competitors and the competition. The guys will have plenty on their minds and I wish them the best. I’ll be cheering loudly.”

Trust us, Tiger, your fellow countrymen won’t miss you. You’re so obsessed with breaking records, with solidifying your status as the best who ever swung, that you can’t stomach the thought of not being the center of attention. In fact, I doubt you’ll even watch the event on television, let alone “cheer loudly.” It would eat you up inside—even after three straight wins by the Europeans—to watch Phil Mickelson sink a Cup-clinching putt for the U.S. team. You’d wish it was you. Another clip for the Nike commercial.