6

We apologize for any misunderstanding


 

Blue Jays general manager J.P. Ricciardi wants to set the record straight. According to team sources, the man with the seven-year plan is preparing a press release that he hopes will clear up all the recent “confusion.” The Prime Minister’s office is still reviewing the wording, but Maclean’s has obtained a draft copy:

Dear Fan(s),

As you know, the past two weeks have been a bit, well, shocking. Ten wins in a row!!! Twelve games over .500! I must admit, the whole thing has been such a roller coaster that I can’t even see straight anymore. The other day, I could have sworn Cito Gaston was sitting in the dugout. How crazy is that?!

Anyways, I think it’s only proper that we in the front office clear up all the confusion before somebody gets hurt. Ladies and gentlemen, despite what you’re seeing, THE TORONTO BLUE JAYS ARE NOT TRYING TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS. I repeat: WE ARE NOT IN THE MIDST OF A PLAYOFF RUN.

Yes, our effort of late has been extraordinary. The boys are finally beginning to hit. A.J. Burnett—auditioning for a big off-season payday—is collecting more srikeouts at the plate than I do at the bar. And the last time I checked, we’re a respectable 7 games back of Boston for the American League wild card. Who knows, right? Bigger miracles have happened.

Well…give your friggin’ head a shake. This isn’t Colorado.

What you’re actually witnessing, folks, is no different than what you see every September: a Blue Jays squad—with no pressure to win because they’re too far behind the division lead—teasing their television audience (and the 400 people who still bother coming to the Rogers Centre after Labour Day). We have no intention of playing in October; we’re just trying to provide our fans (and Rance Mulliniks, a.k.a. El Predicto) with that little flicker of hope for next season. When we break your hearts all over again.

Now, don’t misinterpret what I’m saying. You’re allowed to dream. Heck, you’re even allowed to display bad judgment once in a while (or as I call it, “pull a Frank Thomas”). But please, please, please, don’t let our fluke of a streak interrupt your lives. Especially this weekend, when we go to Fenway Park for a four-gamer against the Red Sox. I don’t want to hear any of that “if we sweep, we’ll be three games back” kind of talk. You’re only setting yourself up for disappointment.

Anyways, thanks for your time. I hope things are clearer now. And just so you’re aware, deposits are currently being accepted for 2009 season tickets. As always, the package includes guaranteed rights to playoff seats.

Not that you’ll need them.

Sincerely,
J.P. Ricciardi


 

We apologize for any misunderstanding

  1. Uncle Ted isn’t going to bring that JP clown back, will he? I say promote Cito to Exec VP & COO (JP will get the hint eventually), Tenace as Manager, and maybe Molitor as hitting coach.

    To be serious for a second – the 10 game winning streak was against the Yankees, Twins, Rays and now the White Sox, all playoff contenders (okay, maybe not the Yankees). That’s not bad.

  2. Just like Anon said, the recent streak was against the top of the league, not the bottom like seasons past.

    In fact, the Jays are above .600 since Cito came back.

    Not to mention that the Jays are now 22-29 in 1 run games on the season – games that could’ve gone either way.

    If only – if only!

  3. Hey Frisco – good luck with Dontrelle Willis buddy. Hell of a player. Hell of a player.

  4. If you’re going to try to write, don’t try to be funny…you can’t pull it off.

    If you’re going to try to write, you may want to attempt a little research. It is extremely rare for a team to win 10 times in a row against winning/leading teams.

    moron.

  5. You don’t seem to know what you talking about.
    Are you new to baseball. Humour isn’t something your good at. Your embarrasing Maclean’s. Wow.

  6. Hi well nice to meet u guys.i have used my computer after using it i forgot to luck out
    and some body came and write things that are not true to my wounder full friend,
    telling her that my family dies at a car crash and right now i am in need of help with some amount of money to join army forces,then i came and was charting with her
    she ask about my family i told her they are all fine.that how misunderstand come please help me to solf these problem

Sign in to comment.