The new mom of twins gets two Metro Babycotpod cribs ($595), a “Bandit” Doll ($65) from Vancouver’s the Cross (ships across Canada) and a Hudson’s Bay blanket, to keep her Canuck roots strong. For René Jr., the start of a broader musical education: “Bob Dylan: The Original Mono Recordings” (Columbia/Legacy, $130).
Infamous for her blood diamonds, compliments of former Liberian dictator Charles Taylor, the supermodel could use some conflict-free bling: ethically sourced sapphires and Canadian diamonds from Brilliant Earth ($1,150).
A tea kettle, of course. How about this Michael Graves design from Alessi, along with a sample of soothing herbal brews? As for all those righteous tears, Beck could use a fresh pile of Paul Smith handkerchiefs ($42), all 100 per cent woven cotton. This striped one is nice, though he might also like the white one that says: “Bless You.”
Hillary Rodham Clinton
The U.S. secretary of state gets a Graphite Olive Branch pencil ($50) by artist Agelio Batle, from Vancouver’s Provide, for her next diplomatic outing. Also “Cleopatra” by Stacy Schiff, an acclaimed new biography of another powerful, accomplished politician who never quite got the respect she deserved in the public record.
For the man who can’t seem to take his sunglasses off, morning, noon or night, the Celebrity Lamp ($160): one dim bulb tarted up with 40 pairs of aviator sunglasses.
He’s People’s Sexiest Man Alive, and married to Scarlett Johansson. What to give this guy? So we bought a goat ($58) and flock of chickens ($90) from Oxfam Canada, for an African village.
The SeV Carry-On Coat ($225) is perfect for the comedy superstar’s round-the-world tours: 33 X-ray-ready pockets. And tell us he wouldn’t enjoy a round of Monty Python’s Really Silly Board Game with his bride.
A case of Four Loko for the desiccated guitarist who’s cheerfully tried every substance known to man. The energy drink, called “liquid cocaine,” has the kick of three beers and 3½ cups of coffee. It’s banned in some U.S. cities, but Keef seems to relish forbidden fruit.
A Farmyard placemat from Simrin textile’s online shop, for a pop star who likes her meat, and a Staub griddle pan ($80) from Williams-Sonoma—so the next meat dress doesn’t go to waste.
The man needs a plan, so here’s a fancy notebook ($63) from Brit stationer Smythson in which to make it. Also, a shiny Weber One-Touch Gold grill. As the Liberal leader knows, a cross-country cookout tour always looms. (He’ll need a long, sharp fork to ward off the people who touch his junk “all day long.”)
A Bugatti Vita Juicer, the highest in high-end fruit squeezers. Was the legendary cyclist a closet juicer, when he won all those Tour de France titles? Only he knows. But this is one kind of juicing he can freely indulge in.
A rustic iPhone case for a woman of letters who loves her tweets. Speaking of twitter, Atwood, an avid birder, should enjoy this birdhouse, almost nice enough to get dinged with its own property tax bill (even in Rob Ford’s Toronto). She also gets this eco-friendly Kikkerland solar crank radio, a deal at $32. (We wouldn’t buy her a wind turbine—you know how she feels about those.)
A pair of Nike DeLorean running shoes, named in honour of the 1980s sports car featured in the “Back to the Future” movies. If anyone needs a time machine, it’s the Minnesota Vikings quarterback. First stop: back to retirement.
A copy of “The Noble Revolt: The Overthrow of Charles I,” a new biography of the beheaded king—who lost said head, in part, for hiking taxes. Could have been a lot worse, Mr. Premier.
The grenade-tossing terrorist (or brainwashed child soldier, depending on the source) insists he’s a changed man anxious to prove his new-found Canadian values. All he needs is the right accessories: a Team Canada jersey, a set of Goodyear snow tires, and a box of Timbits. Let’s make them maple-dipped.
A Porsche 918 Spyder, billed as the world’s first green super car. What’s green about a top speed of 320 km/h isn’t clear, but who cares? This baby screams, “I care about the planet. And I’m loaded!” Also, an old-fashioned Diana Lomo camera, if he ever takes a break from bleeding-edge innovation.
Randy and Evi Quaid
A duffel bag for two. This attractive T-Tech Presidio model from Tumi is perfect for the travelling couple, whether they’re heading to the Hamptons or hiding from “star whackers.” We included an elegant carrying case for their passports, travel documents, and hand-scrawled pleas for asylum.