According to Google searches, these are the 10 most asked questions in Canada this year about Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Our completely serious and non-facetious answers to such pressing inquiries follow.
What is Hillary Clinton’s net worth?
Thanks in part to the millions of dollars she and Bill Clinton made from speaking engagements, her net worth is somewhat more than “dead broke,” but it’s probably somewhat less than Trump. Probably, that is. See “tax returns,” above.
How many times has Donald Trump been married?
Three times, but to be fair, two of his wives weren’t American, so they may not count under Trump’s current platform.
If Hillary Clinton wins who is first lady?
Michelle Obama, Laura Bush and Barbara Bush get jointly awarded the title of first lady for life. But not Rosalynn Carter, because her husband is still considered history’s greatest monster.
How many delegates does Donald Trump have?
At last count, 1,543, and they’re all the best delegates, really great, classy delegates.
How old is Hillary Clinton now?
According to official records, she’ll be 69 this October 26, but Trump may demand to see her birth certificate to make sure she’s not actually 100.
Which celebrities support Donald Trump?
Chachi from Happy Days, but not Joanie, Richie or the Fonz.