President Trump’s 1st 100 days in 5 overconfident predictions

A mulligan on the oath of office. A foreign trip to Israel. Many, many pardons. And that doesn’t even include the inevitable Twitter fight with Beyoncé.


 
Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump speaks during a rally at the Delaware County Fair in Delaware, Ohio. MANDEL NGAN/AFP/GETTY IMAGES

Donald Trump. MANDEL NGAN/AFP/GETTY IMAGES

1. He will need to retake the oath of office. Even when delivering a speech with a Teleprompter, he can’t help himself: Trump’s gotta Trump. Is there any chance the new President doesn’t ad lib on Inauguration Day? I do solemnly swear bigly, and better than any President person has sweared before…

2. He will announce that his first foreign trip as president will be to… Israel. Trump’s first (only) priority will be going to a place where he can reliably expect to be cheered at a large rally. That’s Israel. Plus, Canada is boring and cold and its leader is prettier than him.

3. He will screw things up with China first. Probably by formally declaring them currency manipulators. The Chinese will respond by dumping American securities, which will be bought up cheaply by… Russia? Probably Russia. Trump will portray this as “a good thing.” (It’s going to take longer than 100 days, but eventually Trump is going to realize that Putin has been playing him. The ensuing tweetstorm will burn with the heat of 10,000 teenage breakups.)

4. He will send the deficit skyrocketing. By April, Republicans will be well along in approving big spending on infrastructure and a huge tax cut for the rich. Trump won’t even try to pay for it. Maybe he can just sneak the cost onto Mexico’s wall invoice?

5. He will begin issuing presidential pardons to friends and business associates. It’s a safe bet that at least 30 per cent of Trump’s time as president will be spent thinking about pardons—and being magnanimous with those who demonstrate sufficient fealty. I’m telling you: He’s going to hand these things out like a grandma hands out cheek pinches. Did you run afoul of the SEC? Do you have a kid who landed a DUI or maybe “accidentally” shot a poor person? No problemo, friend! I also think there’s a very good chance that President Trump pardons O.J. Simpson. Seriously. This decision alone will keep Twitter in business for another year. Bottom line? Scott Baio, there has never been a better time to engage in insider trading.

Two bonus predictions:

1. By the end of 100 days, his approval rating will be below 40 per cent. Obama’s was 65 per cent. W.’s was 62 per cent. Trump will blame the media, his staff, the media again, China, God and math.

2. Most of his time in the Situation Room will be spent quietly worrying that the generals are having him on by making up fake country names. Andorra? Wasn’t that the blown-up planet in Star Wars?


 

President Trump’s 1st 100 days in 5 overconfident predictions

  1. Too much focus on the future. Personally, I’m brushing up on 19th century history as a guide to what the
    future may bring as we wait for the Heritage/AEI/Koch agenda to unfold.

    • Off by a couple, Long.

      I think of the fourteenth or was it the fifteenth, and those Henrys getting lost in Brittany trying to reclaim Lorraine and get Great Again.

      By the 19th there were industries, labour unions, schools, national policies. Trump knows nothing about, nor has any concern about, any such things.

      The Kochs, by contrast, no Trump fans they though they’ll pretend otherwise when they have to, understand them all very well. So you’re quite right to brush up on Mark Hanna to know what the AEI will be writing as they sit comfortably at their desks in Paul Ryan’s various offices.

      • By the 19th there were industries (building toward Trust status), labour unions(labour leaders
        being routinely beaten,jailed,shot,hanged),schools(private-for-fee),national policies(free land
        and homesteaders to boost the railway bosses or slave/not slave).
        The Kochs may not love Trump (who does? who knows?) but their soul-mates around him are
        preparing to gift-wrap the country for them.

  2. I seriously doubt Beyonce would stoop to a Twitter fight with Trump.

  3. Perhaps he’ll improve when he enters the bubble? Ha!

    He sings you dance.

  4. Well the first $10 trillion in US debt took 232 years to accumulate. Obama smashed that record in only 8 years. Time will tell if Trump can stop the bleeding.

    Trump’s 22 million twitter followers against Beyonce’s 15 million should make for an interesting battle.

    • Off by a couple, Long.

      I think of the fourteenth or was it the fifteenth, and those Henrys getting lost in Brittany trying to reclaim Lorraine and get Great Again.

      By the 19th there were industries, labour unions, schools, national policies. Trump knows nothing about, nor has any concern about, any such things.

      The Kochs, by contrast, no Trump fans they though they’ll pretend otherwise when they have to, understand them all very well. So you’re quite right to brush up on Mark Hanna to know what the AEI will be writing as they sit comfortably at their desks in Paul Ryan’s various offices.

  5. At least the trickle down effect will stop….the crumbs wonts come off the table.

  6. Scott, you forgot contracting to have his head carved into Mount Rushmore. Slip the cost into the Mexican Wall.

  7. I feel certain that a time will come (100 days, perhaps) when the would-be pundits commenting here of The Donald’s leadership will self-implode.

  8. I have friend in the US who sent this to me two weeks ago.

    “Alas, we are not comforted by the seismic changes in the leadership of America and its potential for increasing uncertainty around the world. Leadership by twitter and by demeaning traditions, attacking contrary opinions and denying facts is not worthy of us. Civil discourse has reached an embarrassing point, where dissent is attacked and many are threatened. Decency, politeness, truth and respect are diminished as values in a just society. The Ship of State has been rocked, it risks veering off course. It will recover and restore its balance as it has done before. But our view from the bridge portends rough seas ahead. There is little solace to celebrate. Where have all the flowers gone?”

    I thought he summed it up nicely.

    • The Ship of State will probably sail into harbour, enter dry dock, and remain as an attraction for Chinese tourists.

  9. What a vacuous comment to make about a serious set of events. Take some time and read someone like David Frum (a republican) or Professor Noam Chomsky (of MIT) on their take on TT (Twitter Trump). This president elect is a very very scary person – he seems to believe whatever he says is the truth – whether it is about 3 million illegal votes in CA, or – he knows lots more than others about computer hacking or he that knows more than the generals or that Hillary should be locked up (where did that claim go) or that Putin is an admirable man in power! Think before you write.