Washington

Paul Anka’s ‘My Way’: The Donald Trump version

Donald Trump couldn’t book Canada’s Paul Anka to sing his signature song. So we remade the song, as if it were written by Trump himself.

Photo of Paul ANKA

Big-time bummer for Donald Trump: Paul Anka won’t be performing on Inauguration Day after all. The Canadian-born crooner has a history of tweaking the lyrics of his signature song, My Way to pay intimate tribute to political leaders and other VIPs. Anka was scheduled to perform his tender ode to narcissism as Trump danced with his wife.

But hey, who needs Paul Anka? Who needs any fancy-boy singer, right? Here’s a friendly suggestion from north of the border for the new U.S. president: Sing it yourself! Rewrite the words, pick up the microphone and channel your inner Sinatra. We wrote a Trumpified reimagining of My Way . Read the lyrics below:

And now
The day is here
And so I face
Inauguration

My friends
I won it all
So I deserve
Your adulation

I’ve lived
A life that’s great
Kicked my tee shots
Back in the fairway
Because
Daddy was rich
I did it my way

Regrets
Can’t think of one
Blew three debates
Yet I still breezed in

I bragged
What I like to do
To random female
Nether regions

I winged
Each policy
Each vengeful tweet
Off the top of my toupee
When I
Get good advice
I say: I’ll do it my way

Most every day
I’m sure you knew
Deep down inside
I had not a clue
But when it came
To cast your vote
You picked the guy
Who often spoke
About who he banged
Or one time his wang
It’s completely fine
Size-wise.

I’ve fibbed
I’ve dodged and lied
Made things much worse
But they’ll still worsen
Because
I’m a blowhard
I did it all
In the third person.

I fail
To understand
The words I speak
Have consequences.
I wake at 6
So I can bitch
About what
CNN says

For what is a man
What has he got?
Two tiny hands
And no forethought
I’ll say crazed things
That you’ll weep over
And have Putin
For a sleepover
And when they teach
I was impeached
They’ll say:
Trump did it Trump’s way.

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