The bad poetry of Donald Trump, vol. 3

Scott Feschuk finds inadvertent and revealing poetry in the President’s recent remarks


 
U.S. President Donald Trump speaks during a meeting with the House Deputy Whip team at the East Room of the White House March 7, 2017 in Washington, DC. President Trump met with the House Deputy Whip team to discuss the new House Republican Healthcare Bill.  (Alex Wong/Getty Images)

U.S. President Donald Trump speaks during a meeting with the House Deputy Whip team at the East Room of the White House March 7, 2017 in Washington, DC. President Trump met with the House Deputy Whip team to discuss the new House Republican Healthcare Bill. (Alex Wong/Getty Images)

Aside from the titles, these are the words of Donald Trump—taken directly from transcripts of recent public events and speeches. You can read the last volumes here.

By the Way

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

We are going to reduce your taxes

Big league
Big
Big

By the way
Aren’t our borders getting extremely strong?


Questions for the Senate Majority Leader

Mitch McConnell
Where is he?

Come here, Mitch
Thank you, Mitch
How you doing, Mitch?

Hey Mitch
Are we going to be okay?
Everything good?
That healthcare is looking good?
Good

Thanks, Mitch


The Three Phases of Health Care Reform, Fully Explained

Phase three
There will be incentives added

Phase three is a part of it

You have phase one
Which you know about

You have phase two
Which is really not a phase

And then phase three
A lot of the goodies are added in

The end result is
When you’re at
Phase one Phase two Phase three
It’s going to be great

It’s going to be great


That’s My Guy Right There

I saw this man on TV just now:
You

I just saw him on television
He said: I love Trump
Let Trump do what he has to do

That’s my guy right there
Come here
Let him up
I’m not worried about him
I’m only worried
He’s going to give me a kiss

I’m not worried about anything else
This guy is so great

He was one of many people

Come on up here Come on up Guy was great
Hop over the fence

Come on He can do it He’s in good shape

Look at him Look at this guy This guy is great

This guy


Because of Selfish

If this bill were perfect
If it was the greatest thing
For Democrats and Republicans

We wouldn’t get one Democrat vote

They’re going to vote against it
Because of selfish


Intelligence Briefing

I saw it this morning on Fox & Friends
I watch
I like that group of three people

But they had a man who was saying:
Trump is the greatest president ever
And there will never be one like him

But he was very enthusiastic
But he was talking


Donald Trump Totally Wrote Down Those Dates

So as you folks all know
Henry Clay was the legendary Kentucky politician
Who became the eighth Speaker of the House
In 1811

You know, they compared my campaign to Jackson
President Jackson, right?
1828

1828
That’s a long time ago

Oh, boy


Governing is Hard!

We’re going to bring it down
Medicine prices will be coming way down

Way,
way,
way
down

And that’s going to happen fast

We’re just adding to the bill
I said: We’ve got to add that to the bill
“We’re going to do a bill later”
We’re trying to add it to this bill
And if we can’t
We’re going to have it right after

We have some crazy, arcane laws, folks
Just in case you haven’t heard


I Didn’t Be Booed I Be Booo-urns-ed

Tonight I’ll go home
I’ll say: Listen

I’ll turn on that television
My wife will say: Darling, it’s too bad you got booed

I said: I didn’t be booed
I said: No, no
They were booing Obamacare


It is Somehow Fitting That Trump Would Liken His Own Election to a Natural Disaster

In 2016
The Earth shifted beneath our feet

The rebellion started as a quiet protest
Spoken by families of all colors and creeds

Finally
The chorus became an earthquake


Land Sucks

The soon-to-be commissioned Gerald R. Ford USS
What a place

It really feels like a place

You stand on that deck
And you feel like you’re standing
On a very big piece of land

But this is better than land


I Have No Idea What the Facts Are But These Are the Facts

They gave me this beautiful hat
I have no idea how it looks
But I think it looks good

It’s a great looking hat


It Was a Random Adjective Tide

Many brave Americans died that day
And through their sacrifice
They turned the tide of the Pacific War

It was a tough tide
It was a big tide
It was a vicious tide

And they turned it


They Were in My Office

Harley Davidson makes great motorcycles
They were in my office
They were in my office

And they came in
I said: How you doing?
“Great”

How’s business?
“Great”

How do you overseas?
“Well, it’s tough. We have some countries that charge us a 100 per cent import tax”

I said: 100?
“100 per cent”

Think of it


Melania Ivanka

My wife was here last week
And took a tour
And it was something that she’s still talking about

Ivanka is here right now

Hi, Ivanka


Donald Trump Answers the Question: “Why not wait to tweet about it until you can prove it?  Don’t you devalue your words when you can’t provide evidence?”

Because The New York Times wrote about it
Not that I respect The New York Times
I call it the failing New York Times

But they did write on January 20
Using the word wiretap

And I think if you watch
If you watched the Bret Baier

And what he was saying
And what he was talking about
And how he mentioned the word wiretap

You would feel very confident
That you could mention the name

He mentioned it
And other people have mentioned it


Selflessness

I don’t think it’s fair
And I’ve been complaining about it for a long time
Because I don’t care about me anymore
I care about the people out there

Me, I’m very satisfied


Trump Explained in 15 Words

We don’t like bad news
Right?

I don’t want to hear
An alternative to good


 

The bad poetry of Donald Trump, vol. 3

  1. Sorry Scott, I think your columns are great, but… I don’t know how to tell you this… Donald Trump is funnier than you are.