The Bad Poetry of Donald Trump, Vol. 4 - Macleans.ca
 

The Bad Poetry of Donald Trump, Vol. 4

Scott Feschuk unleashes Donald Trump’s inner slam poet. Witness a world leader’s actual words, reimagined for an open mic night near you.


 
U.S. President Donald Trump points to the audience at the conclusion of the United States Coast Guard Academy Commencement Ceremony in New London, Connecticut U.S., May 17, 2017. (Kevin Lamarque/Reuters)

U.S. President Donald Trump points to the audience at the conclusion of the United States Coast Guard Academy Commencement Ceremony in New London, Connecticut U.S., May 17, 2017. (Kevin Lamarque/Reuters)

Aside from the titles, these are the words of Donald Trump—taken directly from the transcripts of recent public events and speeches. You can read the last volumes here.

Mixed Message

We have to get back to working

So that we can take care of the problems that we have

 

We have plenty of problems

We’ve done a fantastic job

 

Clearing Things Up

Look

Look

Let me tell you

 

As far as I’m concerned

I want that thing to be absolutely done properly

 

When I did this now I said:

I, probably, maybe, will confuse people

 

Maybe I’ll expand that

you know, lengthen the time

Because it should be over with

In my opinion

 

Should have been over with a long time ago

 

My Dinner with Comey

I had a dinner with him

He wanted to have dinner

We had a very nice dinner

at the White House

 

A dinner was arranged

I think he asked for the dinner

 

Badly hurt badly really badly

When the trucking industry comes to me

and says:

that the highways are so bad

that their trucks are being destroyed

 

badly hurt

badly

really badly hurt

damaged from New York to California

 

This guy, he said:

“I get, I go from New York to California and we got

Our tires are all beat up and”

because, you know

they’re running over potholes

they’re running over gravel

they’re running over bad roads

 

And the stuff goes

and splatters all over the

you know

the bottom of the trucks and

they’re all beat to hell

 

He’s 40 years he’s been in business

 

Why Are You Telling Me These Many Facts That I Already Know?

The President of Colombia was telling me

and I knew

that Venezuela was a very, very wealthy country

just about the wealthiest in your neck of the woods

and had tremendous strengths in so many different ways

and now it’s poverty stricken

 

Mr. Mexico on Line One, Sir

I was getting ready

to terminate NAFTA

 

I got a call from Mexico

And he said: “I would appreciate you not doing that”

 

I got a call

Amazingly

Within 20 minutes

From Justin

from Canada

 

I like them both a lot

And they said:

“Could we negotiate instead of you terminating?”

 

I said: “Yes”

 

I was going to terminate on Saturday

I had the papers

Is it true?

 

The papers were ready

 

Likewise, Jared

The one thing

and I think you see it:

We have a lot of people that really do get along

 

Seriously

We have a lot of people

 

Jared is a very brilliant young guy

Bannon has

has

you know

 

I like him a lot

 

He’s actually a very good guy

He’s really

you know

they give him a

 

a bad rap

 

Bannon is a very decent guy

who feels very strongly

about the country

 

Likewise, Jared

 

 

Similar to Three Months and a Bit

Here you have two people calling saying:

“Can we negotiate?”

 

I say yes

And I have to wait for a hundred days

 

I don’t know what a hundred days is going to be like

What’s it going to be like?

 

America and China, Sitting in a Tree

I’m dealing with a man

I think I like him a lot

I think he likes me a lot

 

When I’m with him

He’s a great guy

 

We were supposed to meet for ten minutes

And the ten minutes turned out to be

three hours

 

alone

the two of us

 

That ten-minute meeting turned out to be three hours

Dinner turned out to be three hours

 

I mean

He’s a great guy

 

The Time Limit

Somebody set a time limit

and that was the mistake

 

I said: Never set a time limit

But somebody set a time limit

 

So when they didn’t meet that time limit

They said, “We didn’t get it there”

 

Well, they shouldn’t have set a time limit

 

The Rose Garden

We need infrastructure in our country

 

This country has wasted

Six trillion dollars

in the Middle East

 

Wasted

 

Like taking it

and throwing it right out that window

Right in to the Rose Garden

 

See that beautiful Rose Garden?

Look at those very nicely dressed people

 

If I Can Name One Half of Two Different World Leaders, That Means I Can Name One World Leader

I’m trying to figure out:

Who’s in that helicopter

that is coming in?

 

It may be Prime Minister Abe

It may be Justin from Canada

 

Great people

 

Got It

He just got this information

This was new information

That was just got

 

The “Newspaper” was the National Enquirer

Well that was in a newspaper

No, no

I like Ted Cruz

He’s a friend of mine

 

But that was in the newspaper

I was referring to a newspaper

Why do you say that I have to apologize?

I’m just quoting the newspaper

 

Well

I’m not

Well

I think

I’m not saying, I’m quoting

 

I’m quoting highly respected people and sources

 

Forget What I Want. Let’s Do What I Want.

We need to cut taxes

We’re going to cut taxes

 

Forget what I want

It will be the biggest tax cut in the history of our nation

 

And that’s what I want

 

His Second Inheritance

I inherited a mess

I inherited a mess in so many ways

 

I inherited a mess in the Middle East

And a mess with North Korea

I inherited a mess with jobs

And I inherited a mess on trade

 

I mean we have many

You can go up and down the ladder

 

Hey look

In the meantime

I guess I can’t be doing

So badly

 

Because I’m president

and you’re not


 

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