The bad poetry of Donald Trump, Vol. 6 - Macleans.ca
 

The bad poetry of Donald Trump, Vol. 6

Who knew Donald Trump was a poet? Scott Feschuk, that’s who. We present our latest curated collection of presidential poetry.


 
U.S. President Donald Trump gestures before delivering remarks on Americas military involvement in Afghanistan at the Fort Myer military base on August 21, 2017 in Arlington, Virginia. (Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

U.S. President Donald Trump gestures before delivering remarks on Americas military involvement in Afghanistan at the Fort Myer military base on August 21, 2017 in Arlington, Virginia. (Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

Aside from the titles, these are the words of Donald Trump—taken directly from the transcripts of recent public events and speeches.

 

The Upside of Drought (A Heartfelt Message to the People of North Dakota)

I want to take a moment

to send our thoughts and prayers

to the people of Texas and Louisiana

who have truly suffered through

a catastrophic hurricane.

 

And I know you have a little bit of a drought

They had the opposite.

 

Believe me

You’re better off

You are better off.

 

They had the absolute opposite.

 

 That Said, I Will Now Eradicate Drought Forever WITH MY WORDS

We’re doing everything we can

But you have a pretty serious drought.

 

I just said to the governor,

“I didn’t know you had droughts this far north.”

 

Guess what?

You have them.

 

But we’re working hard on it

and it’ll disappear.

 

It will all go away.

 

Where is Senator?

Senator Hoeven.

Where is Senator?

 

Senator:

Stand up, Senator.

Doing a fantastic job.

 

Come on up, Senator.

Come on up here.

Get up here.

Fantastic job.

 

Thank you, Senator.

 

Warning: Once You Read These Words, You Can’t Unread Them

By the way: Ivanka Trump

Everybody loves Ivanka.

 

Come up, honey.

 

Should I bring Ivanka up?

Come up.

 

Sometimes they’ll say:

“You know, he can’t be that bad a guy. Look at Ivanka.”

 

Now, come on up, honey.

She’s so good.

 

She wanted to make the trip.

 

She said: “Dad, can I go with you?”

She actually said: “Daddy, can I go with you?”

I like that, right?

“Daddy, can I go with you?”

 

I said: “Yes, you can.”

 

“Where you going?”

North Dakota.

 

Said: “Oh, I like North Dakota.”

 

Hi, honey.

Say something, baby.

 

Worst Children’s Book Ever

Sheriff Joe is a patriot.

Sheriff Joe loves our country.

Sheriff Joe protected our borders.

 

This Sounds Like When I Did a Book Report Without Having Read the Book

I think Finland

is really a respected country militarily.

It’s got large armed forces for its size as a country.

 

Really

proportionally

probably one of the biggest in the world if you think of it.

 

They’re very respected militarily

and they’re respected beyond militarily.

 

The Last Part is True

I’m keeping my promises

to the American people.

 

I do what’s right.

 

That’s all.

I just do what’s right.

 

I don’t think about it.

 

Please Do Not Look at the Tags on My Trump-Brand Neckties

So do you remember

when we were growing up

it was either

“Made in America” or “Made in the USA?”

 

What do you like better?

Ready?

“Made in America.”

“Made in the USA.”

What do you like?

 

You like “Made in the USA?”

Seems to be.

We should pick one or the other, probably.

I think “Made in the USA,” right?

“Made in the USA.”

 

Killer Anecdote, Mr. President

I said to Senator Blunt

And I said to Billy Long

on the plane coming in:

 

“Can I say ‘Missouri’ or should I say ‘Missouruh?’”

And they said whatever you want is okay.

 

So I said: “Good.”

 

Harvey

Probably there’s never been anything so expensive

in our country’s history.

 

There’s never been anything

so historic

in terms of damage and in terms of ferocity

as what we’ve witnessed with Harvey.

 

Sounds like such an innocent name, right?

 

But it’s not.

 

It’s not innocent.

It’s not innocent.

 

Hello, is this Brazil? Hello, Brazil. Brazil, How Many People Do You Have?

You know, a lot of people say

they say

well

The United States is large.

 

And then you call places like Malaysia

Indonesia

and you say, you know:

“How many people do you have?”

 

And it’s pretty amazing

how many people they have.

 

Diplo-moo-cy

When I was with President Xi

who I have a very good relationship with

I said:

 

“Do me a favor. Would you allow cattle, please, to come in?”

 

I had farmers coming up to me

and hugging me and kissing me

Because of the cattle stuff.

 

Look at Jared

Look at Jared.

Jared’s a very private person.

He doesn’t get out.

 

Jared’s this really nice, smart guy

who’d love to see peace

in the Middle East and in Israel

 

Okay?

 


 

The bad poetry of Donald Trump, Vol. 6

  1. Man, it leaves me weak…