The poetry of Donald Trump, vol. 1 - Macleans.ca
 

The poetry of Donald Trump, vol. 1

There can be a kind of poetic timbre and flow to Donald Trump’s word-jumble ramblings, finds Scott Feschuk


 
(Photo illustration by Sarah MacKinnon and Gerrit de Jonge)

(Photo illustration by Sarah MacKinnon and Gerrit de Jonge)

Apart from the titles, these are the words of Donald Trump—taken directly from the transcript of his sit-down interview Wednesday with ABC News’ David Muir. You can read the last volumes of Trump poetry here.

An Important Difference

Mr. Pompeo was just approved
Affirmed by the Senate

He’s a fantastic guy

He’s gonna be the head of the CIA

And you have somebody fabulous
as opposed to the character that just got out

Who was not fabulous at all


Two Questions About Torture

Do I feel it works?
Absolutely I feel it works

Have I spoken to people at the top levels
and people that have seen it work?
I haven’t seen it work
But I think it works


America

Our roads,
our bridges,
our schools.

It’s falling apart.

MORE: Our books writer Brian Bethune’s dystopian Trump era reading list

On Certainty

Sure.
Sure.
Sure.
Sure, done.


I Don’t Actually Know If There Was Voter Fraud, or How Much Voter Fraud There Was, But Somehow—Somehow—I Apparently Do Know This

Of those votes cast,
none of ’em come to me

None of ’em come to me

They would all be for the other side
None of ’em come to me


My Hands Are Tiny So You’re Going to Have to Bear with Me While I Compensate

I spoke to the crowd
I got a standing ovation

They said it was the biggest standing ovation
since Peyton Manning had won the Super Bowl

and they said it was equal

I got a standing ovation
It lasted for a long period of time

That speech was a total home run
They loved it
People loved it

They loved it

They gave me a standing ovation
For a long period of time.
They never even sat down,
most of them


Clearing Things Up

You have a lot of stuff going on
possibly

I say probably.

But possibly.

We’re gonna get to the bottom of it.


Actually, No, You Brought It Up When You Obsessed Over It for the Entire First Full Day of Your Presidency

You just brought it up
I didn’t bring it up

I didn’t want to talk about the inauguration speech

But I think I did a very good job
and people really liked it

You bring it up
I didn’t bring it up

They say I had the biggest crowd
In the history of inaugural speeches

But I didn’t bring it up
You just brought it up


The Only 29 Words You Ever Need to Read to Understand How Donald Trump Thinks

You can’t have thousands of people being shot
In a city
In a country
That I happen to be president of

Maybe it’s okay if somebody else is president


Chicago

I love Chicago
I know Chicago
And Chicago is a great city
Can be a great city

It can’t be a great city
Excuse me, it can’t be a great city
If people are shot walking down the street
For a loaf of bread

Can’t be a great city


On Problems, and Having Them

So look

Look

Our country has a lot of problems
Believe me

I know what the problems are even better than you do

They’re deep problems
They’re serious problems

We don’t need more


The President Explains the Trump Doctrine to a Man Named David

There’s plenty of anger right now
How can you have more?
The world is a mess
The world is as angry as it gets
What? You think this is going to cause a little more anger?
The world is an angry place
The world is a total mess
The world is a mess, David


Honestly, Based on All Evidence to Date, I’m Not Sure We Can Admit That

Remember the $5 billion website?
Remember the website fiasco
I mean, you do admit that I think, right?
The website fiasco


 

The poetry of Donald Trump, vol. 1

  1. I missed the interview…..but if in fact these are his exact words……then a wonderful examination and parsing of his “word salads”. Yes they can be properly viewed as poetry. What an insight into his emotionally driven personality. Now behavioral scientists have demonstrated that if you smile long enough it has a beneficial effect on your sense of well being. A sort of reverse technology. To be technical think of it as…… happy emotional state==>physical smile among other things. It follows that a smile (even if forced) ==>a form of a happy emotion. So if poetry is as Frost has described…(authors) emotion==> (authors) thought==>(authors) words then the reverse would also hold words==>thought==>emotion. That is the problem with Trump….his “words” as a president clearly show the audience his warped thoughts and obsessions and his wounded emotional state. The world is not his playground.

  2. The titles are hilarious. Laughed out loud numerous times, especially the last one.

    And the expression “word-salad” is right on the mark. Who knows, maybe Trump’s major and lasting contribution will be his influence, for better or worse, on the English language. Likely for worse.

  3. Scott-why don’t you direct your humor to Trudeau’s inability to communicate when under pressure. It could be a short article with only 30 or 40 ooh’s and ah’s!!