Will Canada ever go to war with the U.S.? Oh, wait, we already did that in 1812. But that hasn’t stopped these works from presenting their own versions of the next great Yank-Canuck conflict:
1. Canadian Bacon (1995): Michael Moore’s lone attempt at a fictional film, in which the president of the United States declares war on us, because that’s what presidents do in Michael Moore’s world.
2. Pinky and the Brain, “Brain of the Future” (1997): Two genetically altered cartoon lab mice accidentally create a world where the severed head of Hillary Clinton launches nuclear destruction on a Canada where everyone talks like Rick Moranis.
3. Canadian Idiot by Weird Al Yankovic (2006): The song parodist calls for a “pre-emptive strike” against Canada because Canadians are so polite that they must be “up to something.”
4. North Reich by Robert Conroy (2012): In this alternative-history novel, the Nazis take over Canada and use it as a base from which to attack America. The book portrays Canadians as a bunch of wimps who would be sitting ducks for Hitler. An American wrote it, of course.
5. The Canadian Conspiracy (1985): This CBC show posited the theory that Canadian entertainers are infiltrating the U.S. to subvert it from within.
6. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999): The U.S. goes to war with Canada over the bad influence of our flatulence-themed cartoon Terrance and Phillip. Introduced the Oscar-losing song Blame Canada.
7. Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie, War of 1812: The comedy team from Edmonton came up with a song presenting their fictionalized account of the actual U.S.-Canada war: “He thought he’d invade Canada, he thought that he was tough / Instead we went to Washington and burned down all his stuff!”
Originally published in Maclean’s Book of Lists, Volume 2 (2013)