Canada takes lead in Olympic medal standings (basically)

An updated national tally of ‘Canadian’ medal winners that, basically, count for us


I wanted to get this to you before CTV breaks the news. Here’s an updated national tally of “Canadian” medal winners that, basically, count for us…


Gold: 4

Women’s 100 m Butterfly: Missy Franklin (likes Nova Scotia, parents are Canadian)

Equestrian – Individual Eventing: Michael Jung (had an airport layover in Montreal in 1987)

Women’s Cycling – Road Race: Marianne Vos (once owned a Neil Young cassette)

Men’s Ice Hockey: (Victory in 2010 so awesome that the medal should totally carry over and count again)


Silver: 5

Women’s 400 m freestyle: Allison Schmitt (kinda looks Canadian)

Women’s 100 m breaststroke: Rebecca Soni (guessed our national capital on the third try)

Men’s C-1 slalom: Sideris Tasiadis (we’ve got canoes in Canada too, right?)

Fencing – Women’s Individual Foil: Arriana Errigo (likes bacon)

Weightlifting – Men’s 56 kg: Wu Jingbiao (knows a Dave in Kelowna)


Bronze: 13

Women’s 3 m Synchronized Diving: Emile Heymans and Jennifer Abel

Women’s 10 m Synchronized Diving: Roseline Filion and Meaghan Benfeito

Big piece of cardboard cut into 11 brownish circles

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Canada takes lead in Olympic medal standings (basically)

  1. This is funny, and I get the point for sure but just for the record, Missy Franklin is a dual citizen. It’s still silly to make a big deal of that given that she was born in the U.S. and swims for team U.S.A., but she’s every bit as entitled to a Canadian passport as I am, and while that’s hardly worthy of news coverage, it’s still not nothing.

  2. BTW, the bronze section needs to be updated. Canadians had already won another bronze in weightlifting, and one in Judo by the time this was posted. The Judo was particularly impressive as it involved a Canadian (Antoine Valois-Fortier) ranked 21st in the world who had to beat the number 3 ranked fighter in the early rounds, and defeated an American ranked 10th in the world in the bronze medal match.

    • Canada is always an Olympic embarrassment. First, for the media hype which always precedes the Games. Second, for the choking that always occurs, usually on the part of the most hyped athletes. Third, for fact we have the third highest level of child poverty in the G20, yet we waste millions on games. Fourth, for the corruption and financial mismanagement which has turned us into a third world banana republic.
      But….I respect and admire those athletes (mostly women) who quietly and modestly work their butts off to do well….Too bad the whole thing has become a perverted charade made to make money for the capitalists and give the privileged more privileges. SHAME!

      • I’m confused. You obviously despise the entire Olympic “thing”, yet you worry about Canada being an “embarrassment”. Why do you care if we’re an embarrassment, or, for that matter, why do you respect anyone who is involved in the entire “perverted charade”? Just curious.

  3. This is the stupidest bit ever written by any one at Maclean’s, and that’s saying a lot, considering…..

  4. If this is Feschuks idea of humor, I’d like to pass on that it really stunk. Best be finding another profession Scotty boy, you suck at this one.

  5. Written by someone whose only skill is skewering. Another good reason not to buy Macleans…

  6. Hahaha!!! Oh Canada!

  7. Dream canucks dream….

  8. Quite funny but what isn’t funny is that Canada’s men’s basketball team doesn’t even qualify for the Olympics and yet home-grown fans love to point out that the Americans’ game was invented by a Canadian. Dream Team, anyone.

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