Watching the Games and Listening to That Damn Song

It’s 4 a.m. on the nose and I’m up to watch the very beginning of coverage of the very first day of competition at the 2012 Summer Games. “We are ready to get this party started!” host Dave Randorf enthuses.

But Dave Randorf is a liar. They are not quite ready to get this party started. What they are ready to get started is a montage of highlights from last night’s Opening Ceremonies. The montage is set to a song. Perhaps you’ve heard this song before? It’s a song called I Believe.

I belieeeeeve in the power that comes/From a world brought together as one

I believe that together we’ll fly/I believe in the pow-ow-er of you and I

Somewhere along the way, there must have been a meeting at CTV about whether to use this song for a second Olympic Games. Here’s how that meeting must have gone:

•••

So then we all agree we should commission a new song for the 2012 Games?

– Absolutely.

– For sure.

Although… I’ll tell you this: People sure liked that I Believe song from 2010.

– What they really enjoyed was how frequently we played it.

– It’s true: Our research showed that by the end of the Vancouver Games, 103% of the Canadian population knew every single word in the song.

­103%? I thought 100% was the maximum possible number.

– The lyrics had also been memorized by several dogs and most parrots.

You know what I liked best about the song? When all was said and done, there weren’t that many suicides directly attributable to it.

– Personally, I still think we need a new song. I mean, this is the Summer Games. This is the moment we’ve dreamed of all our lives.

I think we’ve agreed we’re keeping the song.

– Sometimes I feel I’ve had enough and I feel like giving up.

Now you’re just saying words from the song.

– What? I believe you’re wrong. I believe, I believe, I believe in, I believe, I believe… [drifts off, staring into space, drooling…]

I think the key this time around is not to overdo it with the song. Let’s use it for a montage every now and then. And we’ll play little snippets of it when we go to commercial and also when we come back from commercial. And when we introduce a video feature. And every eight minutes for no particular reason, and also every time one of our hosts stops to take a breath.

– Moderation!