The richer sex

One-third of women now earn more than their husbands, and not everyone is happy.

The richer sex

Photograph by Kourosh Keshiri

There’s nothing wrong with a wife earning more money than her husband, until it happens. So learned Suzanne Doyle-Morris, a professional development coach based in the U.K., when she met separately with three female breadwinners in one day. The first woman had been offered a better position abroad, which she was planning to refuse because she felt bad about uprooting the family for her career. The second woman was excited about a big bonus she’d just received, but noted that she’d have to downplay the extra income when telling her husband. The third woman was complaining about how tired she’d been; Doyle-Morris assumed she was having problems at work. “She said, ‘Oh no, the project is going great, we’re on budget and on time. What’s killing me is the ‘second shift’ when I get home,’ ” recalls Doyle-Morris.

For days, she couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d heard and what it might mean, not only for those wives, but for others just like them. “None of these women said to me, ‘I’m the female breadwinner’ and ‘it’s terrible’ or ‘it’s great.’ But it did affect the way they talked about their experiences,” says Doyle-Morris, whose book Female Breadwinners: How They Make Relationships Work and Why They are the Future of the Modern Workplace was published last fall. “They had a new set of responsibilities and different perceptions about the choices they would make. They were in a new role for women.”

A new role, but one that is becoming increasingly common. Over the last 35 years, there has been an astounding surge in the proportion of wives who out-earn their husbands—from 11 per cent in 1976, to 19 per cent throughout the 1980s, to a staggering 31 per cent in 2009 in dual-income families, according to Statistics Canada. The trend is happening elsewhere too, with roughly one-third of American and British wives out-earning their husands in recent years, up from about four per cent just four decades ago.

“This is really something that’s been building and there’s no reason that I can see why it won’t continue [or] go over 50 per cent,” says Liza Mundy, a journalist for the Washington Post and author of the forthcoming book The Richer Sex: How the New Majority of Female Breadwinners is Transforming Sex, Love and Family. In fact, the momentum has prompted Mundy and observers like her to ask one very loaded question about the future: “Could we get to a world where that becomes the norm—where if the wife is working she’s likely out-earning her husband?”

It’s a realistic possibility, given how employment and education patterns have moved lately. Today, women account for nearly half of all employees in the labour force—and even outnumbered men in 2009 and 2010. Most families are dual-income, and the amount of hours worked and dollars earned by wives have been rising. The majority of undergraduate and graduate degrees go to female students, who are increasingly better suited to occupy the post-industrial economy; they’re making gains in lucrative fields such as medicine, law, upper management and high finance. Meanwhile, job losses during the last recession (and the two before it) were mostly incurred by men, who dominate the hardest hit sectors such as construction and manufacturing. Fortunately for those men and their children, most had a working wife to soften the blow, which wasn’t always the case during previous downturns.

“It’s startling that in a lifetime we’ve seen that huge cultural change,” says Andrea O’Reilly, professor of women’s studies at York University in Toronto and director of the Motherhood Initiative. The so-called “rise of women” phenomenon has been accompanied by a shift in the way that many couples, especially young ones, decide who is responsible for what. “Gender equality norms are changing,” says Sean Lyons, a business professor at the University of Guelph. “We’ve got good evidence that men and women are a lot less likely to view the male breadwinner [model] as a desirable and just arrangement so much as something that just happens.”

Many couples are taking the pragmatic view, looking at who has the most earning potential and then doing everything possible to enable that person to thrive professionally, while the other picks up domestic duties. “Years ago women earned supplemental income,” says Andrea Doucet, Canada Research Chair in gender, work and care, and a sociology professor at Brock University in St. Catharines, Ont. “Now that possibility is there for men.”

We are, say experts, in the midst of a massive revision of what equality means. “For so long, feminists said, ‘It’s got to be 50/50,’ that’s the ideal marriage: women will work the exact same hours as men, and men will do the exact same amount of housework and child care as women,” says Mundy. But successful families with a female breadwinner “have realized that for one partner to really succeed, the other partner has to step back. And in their case, that’s been the men.”

That’s not to say that female breadwinners and their husbands have it all figured out. Just the opposite, in fact, as the women who spoke with Doyle-Morris made clear. Working wives still do most of the housework. They battle being judged as bad mothers for not having time to join the PTA. They battle self-loathing and guilt for not meeting the ever-intensifying maternal ideal promoted by mommy bloggers who make felt crafts and granola bars from scratch. They battle resentment from their husbands, who feel threatened, or they go out of their way to camouflage to the outside world their status as primary earner. In other words, for whatever financial empowerment these women have attained, they are not quite liberated. Yet.

“We’re at a transition point where the old ways don’t work anymore but nobody has established new ways, roles and norms. It gets very challenging for the people who are pioneers,” says Linda Duxbury, a business professor at Carleton University in Ottawa. Those people used to be women who worked, period. “Now,” says Duxbury, “we’re having the next revolution.”

The same day that Doyle-Morris sent the manuscript of her book on female breadwinners to the publisher, her husband came home with news. He’d been fired, or “made redundant,” as a corporate social responsibility consultant. “It was a real shock,” recalls Doyle-Morris nearly one year later. “On the one hand I thought, ‘Okay, this means I’ll take care of us, you have been a fantastic support to me and it’s my turn to pay you back. Don’t worry, I’ve got this.’ On the other hand, I thought, ‘Oh my God, this is really scary! This is a huge responsibility! Am I ready for this? Will he ever go back to work?’ ” For all her research on female breadwinners, Doyle-Morris was at a loss for what this would mean for her own future. Looking back, she says of her reaction, “I think that’s very typical of the good and bad that can come of this.”

Like Doyle-Morris, most wives find themselves in the breadwinner role not by choice—say, a grandiose political statement about women in the labour force—but rather by circumstance: their husbands lose their jobs, get sick or hurt or just don’t work in fields that pay and promote as well as their own. No matter how they got in that position, the women share traits. A 2010 study published in the journal Sex Roles found six “essential elements” of the female breadwinner experience. These women valued their independence and career progression, and liked control. They appreciated their partner’s contributions to the family, but grappled with feelings of pressure and worry as well as guilt and resentment.

Many of those “essential elements” applied to Marissa (not her real name), a high-powered corporate executive and mother of two. “My work has created the person I am. I have a reputation that is very important to me. So it’s not just about the money, it’s about the status in my community,” she says. Her husband worked in the arts, and was perpetually between contracts. “While he liked his career, I loved mine and I think he resented me for it. He was not secure in himself, and his own frustration with his [work] ultimately caused his dislike of me.”

As Marissa’s professional responsibilities increased, her husband’s domestic duties did not, so they hired a nanny. Even this didn’t always alleviate the burden. While at work, Marissa would sometimes get a call from her husband, wanting to know what was for dinner. When Marissa suggested buying a Halloween costume for their infant, her husband looked at her “dead straight and said, ‘Aren’t you supposed to make it?’ ”

Perhaps not surprisingly, Marissa’s marriage ended within a few years of the children being born. In a sense, being the female breadwinner made that possible too. “I had the resources,” she says, so, “I had the ability to call the shots and make my own life, which a lot of women don’t.” Marital satisfaction is all the more precarious when new gender roles must be negotiated. “It’s problematic if the woman is the breadwinner and the man is not helping out. That is a recipe for resentment and divorce,” says Mundy.

Problems also arise if the man feels threatened, or that he’s not fulfilling the provider role. A 2010 study presented at the American Sociological Association annual meeting showed that men who are totally economically dependent on their wives are five times more likely to cheat than husbands who earn the same as their spouse; they are least likely to cheat when their wives earn 25 per cent less than them. “Some women felt rejected by their husbands when they pulled ahead. They don’t know how to talk about it, and that affects the intimacy of the marriage,” says Mundy. “If the woman doesn’t feel like she can share her triumphs, that’s going to create a gulf” between them.

This is only made worse by the negative comments that couples must contend with from others. Lillian (not her real name) has worked as the CFO at two companies, earning 10 times more than her husband, who has been successful but less prosperous in the public sector. They have made the female breadwinner model work flawlessly for themselves and their two kids. “As far as who was wearing the pants in the family, I had one leg in one [side] and he had one leg in the other,” says Lillian. “It was very equal.” But others assumed differently. When her husband came to corporate sporting events, people would introduce themselves to him. “He’d say, ‘It’s nice to meet you, but she’s the one you want to suck up to.’ ” When they attended black-tie parties, people would ask what her husband did for a living. “Then they’d say, ‘Oh, that’s how you can be so successful,’ ” recalls Lillian. “I wanted to smack them. That implied he had a lesser job and that he could be the mommy. It was insulting and inaccurate.”

To insulate themselves from the judgment of others or to manage their own hang-ups, many couples camouflage the female breadwinner model as a way of reinforcing traditional roles. “One couple said that when they were out with others for a meal, they would encourage him to use his credit card when paying,” so as to signal his provider status, recalls Doyle-Morris. The woman later admitted, “The reality is that I pay for that card.” A Canadian study several years ago indicated that when the wife earns more, the husband might be tasked with paying the bills from their joint account or from one that she pads. Where the husband works infrequently or is a stay-at-home dad, the wife might still give him a professional title. “When people ask what my partner does, I say he’s a painter and decorator,” one woman told Doyle-Morris. “The funny thing is he probably does that one day every three months, and usually it’s a job that I found him.” Adds Gillian Ranson, a sociology professor at the University of Calgary: “I’ve talked to some stay-at-home dads who were doing extensive home renovations,” she says. “Men often go out of their way to stress the ways in which they are doing masculine things even though they may be the caregivers.”

The most common way that many couples cope is by getting help around the house. The more money the wife earns, the more likely they’ll hire a cleaner or nanny. “This is an example of the persistence of traditional roles, since the income of these women is being used to buy services that reflect women’s traditional role,” noted a Statistics Canada study. “This is the ‘unfinished business of feminism,’ ” says O’Reilly. “Women are doing the majority of work at home even if she is the primary [earner]. She performs as this devoted wife and mother to signal she’s traditional, when that is anything but the truth.”

Men are, of course, doing more chores and child care than ever before, emphasizes Ranson, but “it’s happening slowly and incrementally.” Too slowly, as far as Duxbury is concerned. “The traditional roles have been that men bring home the bacon, and women cook it. In this new family, women bring home the bacon, and women cook it,” she says. “It’s not until we bring the bacon home and the men cook it that we’ve really made the transition. And we’re not there yet.”

Janet Mendonca’s husband may not cook, but he packs her lunches. She’s a doctor and he’s a dentist, but Mendonca earns more because she works longer hours. While Mendonca was studying, her husband paid for her schooling and supported her. Once she got into the medical system, Mendonca encouraged her husband to cut back his practice. “When my secretary cannot make it, he’s my secretary. If I have problems with the computer, all I have to do is call.” It helps that they don’t have kids, and that he’s older than her and has had a satisfying career, admits Mendonca. But their model of give and take has required diligence and effort. “He recognized that I [could] achieve my goals,” says Mendonca. “He was the only one that believed in me, and now we’re having the last laugh.”

For all of the challenges facing female breadwinner families, most experts agree that more and more couples are succeeding at this non-traditional model by freeing themselves from traditional gender roles and realizing that, in many cases, the tables could turn again, depending on how the economy and their personal vocations change over time. They are placing more importance on personal growth and fulfilment because they realize that when each member of the family is happy about where they’re at, everyone is better off.

That’s the case with Doucet, who is writing a book about female breadwinners under the working title The Bread and Roses Project. Her husband is a naturopath who loves his work, but it’s her career, which is better paying and includes a pension, that’s prompted their family to move four times. But Doucet and her husband don’t focus on the money so much as mutual respect. “For couples who begin their partnership planning to be equals, there is evidence to suggest that it leads to more satisfaction in the marriage,” she says.

One of the most interesting and puzzling parts of the female breadwinner phenomenon that both Doyle-Morris and O’Reilly have noticed is that many young women don’t imagine they’ll be primary earners in their future families—despite so many signs that’s evermore likely. The explanation might be youthful oblivion about current trends, or internalized traditional gender roles. Or, it might be optimism: these females might rightly believe that by the time they get married, men and women will be equal in every sense.

Whatever the reason, Doyle-Morris wants people to acknowledge that “this is the new reality. There are a lot of positives. There are a lot of negatives. It’s just where we’re headed. Couples [must be] adaptive, and say, ‘If this is the future, how do we make it work?’ rather than saying, ‘This can’t be our future,’ ” she says. “Because sister, it might be!”




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The richer sex

  1. “…One couple said that when they were out with others for a meal, they would encourage him to use his credit card when paying,” so as to signal his provider status, recalls Doyle-Morris. The woman later admitted, “The reality is that I pay for that card…”

    Hmmm, interesting. While I was the sole breadwinner in the family, I’d never have suggested that “I pay for that card” in cases where my wife happened to pay the bill with one of our credit cards.

    In fact it strikes me that a family isn’t really a family unless they consider all the money to be the family’s money. The court’s certainly do, especially if kids are involved, so at best the distinction is a matter of ego.

    This idea of separating “mine” from “hers” is totally foreign to me in fact. It seems to fly in the face of what a marriage is supposed to be about.

    And that said, what a lot of the rest of the article seems to be pointing to from my perspective is repeated reverse stereotypes. That somehow the “traditional” seems to be surviving in alternate form, despite decades of proof that this older model was unsatisfactory to begin with.

    I expect so much better from a movement of equality than this, and I do in fact have great faith that its spirit will transend all this nonsense over time.

    • Phil, I would love to hear from your wife regarding how she felt when you were the sole breadwinner.  Did she feel as comfortable spending on the family credit cards as when she was working and contributing money to the family coffers?  There are many couples who maintain separate bank accounts and contribute to the family either by paying certain bills or putting money into an account to pay household costs.  My parents did this and they have been married over 60 years.   If they hadn’t, I hate to think of how we would have been dressed or what furniture my mom would have had because my dad was very frugal and he spent all of his money building up his business.

      • I’m with Phil on this.  At times my wife has earned more, at times I have.  Currently, I’m the sole breadwinner.  In all cases the money went into common accounts, that either could draw on for expenses.  The concern over clothes/furniture budgeting is just a question of that – of budgeting.  The family decides how their resources will be allocated.

        I recognize that some people really appreciate – and benefit from – having separate accounts as well (and all budgeting should give every individual a discretionary “no questions asked” amount!).  I’m sure that a system with only separate accounts can also work.  It’s one model – but like Phil, my family shares, and none of it is “my money” or “my partner’s money”.

  2. Well money is power and who has the most money has the most power. This applies in personal relationships as well. The women described above in the article see to be the ones uncomfortable with the power they hold, they seemed to sense that they are somehow “strange” by being the main earners in their respective families. Any issues however with who is the main earner (be it the man or woman) are likely the result of abuses of that power. I doubt many men would object to their significant other pulling down big bucks unless that person rubbed their noses in the fact. Nobody likes to be made to feel inferior for whatever reason.

    • Agreed, I feel like some of these women (maybe its just the overall tone of the article) are shoving it down our throats and attempting to overturn the inequality to another power imbalance (“the true transition is when women bring home the bacon and the men cook it”). My partner and I never tell one another who makes more and never push the other to cut down on their career for that reason. We both want to work and no one is going to force the other one to stop

  3. I think the bigger symptom of this problem is the many single women who refuse to “date/marry down”. They’re good breedin’ stock, and they are removing themselves from the gene pool, dammit.
    In a service based economy, women will eventually earn as much or more than men, on average. Unfortunately our sense of what is normal is stuck in an industrial revolution mentality.

    On the other hand, maybe having more stay-at-home dads will increase society’s appreciation of the value of household production, which both saves money, and vastly increases wellbeing.  

    • Agreed :)

  4. My husband and I have had an unconventionally conventional marriage since the birth of our first child 21 years ago.  I had, and have, the potential to earn more money than him. My job is demanding and time consuming.  We both agreed that we didn’t want to rely on nannies or daycare.  He agreed to be the stay at home parent; he does the shopping, cooking, laundry, and has done the majority of minute by minute child care.  Because of his dedication at home, I am able to commit to a career I love, and have a family.  My earned income belongs to the family.  He still gets asked, continually, when he is going to get a job. He handles the insult with grace and confidence in his role as our family’s caretaker.  It is not always easy; he has had to deal with the loss of his former individual identity and, now, with finding a new role as our children grow up and move into their own independence.  

    No situation is perfect, but you just find how to make it work for you; you communicate, you support each other, you stay flexible in your roles as much as possible.

    • LOL…. how’s your…uhm sex life?? haha

      couldn’t help it… (serious question though, despite the inevitable and unavoidable sarcasm)

      Please answer honestly. The truth.

      • that is a ridiculous question, people like you are the reason why it is even an issue that women are earning more!

  5. This comment was deleted.

    • Exactly what I meant by reverse stereotype. Apparently the irony is lost on them.

      As far as I’m concerned, “we’re not there yet” until it doesn’t matter whether someone is or isn’t at home with the kids or what gender they are in any particular familial capacity.

      I mean since when did women want to actually BE men anyways? Doesn’t that completely contradict the entire point of equality? You know equal, not the same?

      I was always under the opinion that the world would be a more balanced and equitable place and that a more humane society was in the offering with feminism.

      Now I see that some feminists at least are just men trapped in women’s bodies.

      That’s okay though, I think there are enough men and women who ascribe to real principles of equality to make it work in the long run. It’s just a bit of a disappointment that some women are starting to act like they belong to the “old boys club”.

      Sigh.

      • Oh man…women would have a long way to go before they become some men.  Women of our mothers’ generation who worked brought home the bacon, cooked it up and then cleaned up the dishes too.  My mother had 9 children and my dad never changed a diaper, never washed a dish, etc.   My mother worked full-time.  Of course the female children worked hard in the house and the male kids worked outside.  I think we have to look at this as both sexes becoming equally competent in work and home skills. 

        • Well said. Compared to all the utter mental masturbation that is being spewed on the matter. Women HAVE and CONTINUE to work harder. Just in different areas. But what is happening today is that it is distorting genders.

          • DISTORTING GENDERS? Who are we to decide that women should act thus and men like so? The whole point of feminism was opening up to a world of choices. Where women can work where-ever they want and have autonomy and independence to act as they please, go and come as they please and live life as they wish. What is happening today is not distorting genders, rather it is setting things back in order. Healthcare Insider, just because something happened doesnt make it ethical. that was completely unethical situation that you described, your poor mother. and it is soceital hogwash which compels women to carry out all these responsibilities as well as think that it is their job to do so.

    • i have to agree on this. i mean a guy is supposed to be comfortable with being a house husband but a wife is lowering herself by being a housewife? lol. even i can see the hypocrisy in that.

      • you have misunderstood my friend. it is not suggesting taht it is wrong to be a housewife or a househusband, rather taht it is the height of hypocrisy to believe that it is ok to be a housewife but not a ok to be a househusband. the article is suggesting the complete opposite of what you have understood

  6.  “It’s not until we bring the bacon home and the men cook it that we’ve really made the transition. And we’re not there yet.” 
     I think this quote illustrates perfectly some of the issues with feminism. I don’t have a problem with women being successful, I just wonder why nobody cares that pretty soon men will be in the same economic boat as early 80s women were. I think its time to end many of the mandatory 55 female  to 45 male sort of enrollment policy’s at universities and other programs. It should simply be about credentials. I realize that women are still likely to outstrip men because they stay in school more and get better grades ect… but at least it will happen because of hard work and ability (not to say it doesn’t now but i think we no longer need the leg up we once did.) The goal of feminism was equality of opportunity, not to out earn men and get revenge

    • Why is having your  husband cook the bacon revenge?  You imply that the task is demening, so is it any wonder that women do not want to do it?

      • I think you’ve missed the larger context. It’s the implied complete reversal of fortunes that makes it appear as a type of revenge.

        When one says X used to do Y for Z and that wasn’t fair, and then implies fairness isn’t reached until Z does Y for X, one is implicitly suggested that fairness requires recompense of past perceived wrongs; a complete swing of the pendulum as it were.

        Clearly however, if one excepts the premise of equality at all, the issue of anyone doing Y for anyone should be irrelavent in an equal world.

        • Except Y has to get done, so who is it going to be?

    •  There are no policies at Canadian universities that ‘give’ women 55 % of the seats. What are you talking about???

    • FIrst of all you have misunderstood the quotation. The quotation refers to the fact that nowadays even though women bring home the bacon, it is very rare to see a man cooking it. feminism raises the question, WHY IS IT WRONG for a man to be cooking the bacon? What is wrong with that? FEminism is, in essence, a liberation of men and women, it is breaking of the gender moulds to allow everyone to live life as they wish, without having to conform to societal norms

  7. Money isn’t power.

    Me and my husband share everything equally. We take all the money/cards throw it in the drawer randomly pick whatever and use it for whatever we need to use it for.
    We don’t spend money on anything though, were not big spenders at all…
    Everything in the house is OURS. its OUR cars, OUR computer, OUR PHONE…Nothing is mine or yours, not even our cloths…LOL, I wear his sweat pants and t-shirts sometimes. 
    Money is money, however its being made goes to US. We do not argue over it, we do not fight over it. We both do what we need to do to get everything done. 
    THAT is equality.
    Equality will only be understood where there is no BREAD winner. 
    Only 2 people, making LIFE work in the best and most simple way possible. 
    So what if somebody makes more money, the other is USING that money to TAKE care of family. 
    Its a yin/yang situation.
    both are equal, yet different…and both VERY important parts to the puzzle. 
    LOVE is the issue, not MONEY.

    • I couldn’t agree MORE. But you still want to admire your hubby, no? And you want him to admire you for your feminine virtues too, right?

      I AM NOT BEING A DICK. I REALLY DO AGREE WITH YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART, BUT WHAT FOLLOWS IS JUST A JAB TO PUSH THE ENVELOPE.

      Personally, (don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s true) I get horny, like super turned on if my wife takes care of me and cooks for me. It means she loves me in my man-brain. LOL So it impels me to treat her too.. and then I’ll do the dishes and stuff. And she loves more for doing so. And I think most women WANT to take care of their man. There’s a nurturing element in women, despite some of the sick aspects of feminism, a nurturing element which makes them feel compelled to take care of others and especially those they love. A meal… has always been the best aphrodisiac since time immemorial: man brings game from hunting — woman cooks and feeds tired and hungry man. LOL and they love each other. Just imagine our “progressive” ancestors sending women to hunt or to battle. I mean, we have nipples too right to be stay-at-cave dads? Oh wait, baby powder is healthy-er.

      Point is, YES everything is OURS. Mine and yours is NOT a concept. OURS is. We are together in the yolk of life. But hun, you ARE better at some things than I am, and I in others. We are NOT equal. We have different roles. Equal rights. Different responsibilities. Everything is OURS. But you must feel his manhood is fulfilling YOU, and he must feel your femaleness (I can’t use the correct term, which is “feminism”, because it’s been appropriated, and I don’t want to use “femininity”) fulfills HIM.

      Question:

      if you make significantly more money than hubby. And I mean SIGNIFICANTLY more. Is your sex life gonna be …uhm ok? LOL Just thought you should think about that for a minute. It may be your quick response that “OF COURSE DAMMIT!” LOL… but his testicles will shrink to the size of raisins month by month, to match his waning ego. There is NOTHING that YOU can do about it. It’s a male thing. We are competitive and NEED to be alpha males (and THAT IS ONE ASPECT YOU LOVE ABOUT US – when in moderation). Just like you NEED to be pretty and attractive. Because when you are not, well, you feel impotent and weak. Picture someone burning your face with scolding oil. Now try to be pretty. Then let hubby have sex with you. he may say “oh i wuv you pumpin”…but you will feel fugly. LOL Now picture hubby without power. Now have sex with him. In fact.. the more you treat him like a baby, and say “oh but it’s ok baby, but I love you” … you WILL make it worse. because he will feel even more that he IS a weak, impotent fuckstick, with no other function.

      As funny as it may sound the time-tested culture-proof formula is:

      power^2=erection

      LOL
      (you gotta see it from a man’s perspective too… cos our psychology is different you see)

      You really think this is a gross exaggeration right? hmm… ask your male friends. (most won’t be honest..there’s a psychological process ca;;ed “social monitoring” according to which we hide the truth depending on circumstances or the type of question…so “who me??? I NEVER lose sexual appetite, money or any other power-conferring attribute/circumstance/object/social postition/statues makes no difference…I’m a sexual tyrannosaurus”… yeah… riiiiight.) DON’T THINK LIKE A WOMAN ABOUT THIS… oh wait.. you can’t.. And I can’t think like you. But I can try to understand.

      I hope I managed to entertain in a comical way and you got a good laugh (with my weird humor) and still managed to get you to think of something differently…

      • Excellent. I was thinking most of the same arguments before I read to here. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Women need to stay women and calm down with their whole its our turn to run society rigamarole. By the looks of it, there will be equality/already is. But if they thought men only being in charge was bad, women only is either just as bad or worse. Im sorry this is a teenagers opinion.

        • Who decided what women must act like? You are stereotyping my friend! Most women I know nowadays do not like cleaning and cooking, rather it is the men! Furthermore, it is a psychological thing/mentality that says that women need to take care of the family and the house. that is not true. given, some women do like it that way, but most want equality!

      • Hahaha.  I was going to say, nothing turns a women more than a guy who cleans her house.  It is the whole…he cares about me thing….enough to want to give me a break.
        Nothing turns a women off more than a guy who sits around while she does all the house work and then wants to get laid.  She is resentful and tired.
        Like Dr. Phil always says, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?  In your case, it could easily translate to “do you want to be right or do you want to get laid?”

    • well said

  8. I have a small problem though and I see it in some couples. 

    Women who want to escape the whole idea of house wife, cooking, cleaning, ironing, child rearing…
    and flip it and turn their men into the same thing they didn’t wanna be.
    I also know women who stay at home and expect their husbands to help after getting off of work…
    where they don’t want to help when they get off of work. They expect it all to be done.
    Its like a complete switch in role reversal, but its not making things equal, its just taking the power…and belittling the men. I find it highly disrespectful, hypocritical, and the exact opposite of this fight for freedom and equality we’ve been fighting for. 
    “The traditional roles have been that men bring home the bacon, and women cook it. In this new family, women bring home the bacon, and women cook it,” she says. “It’s not until we bring the bacon home and the men cook it that we’ve really made the transition. And we’re not there yet.” 
    ————-ya know, sometimes you can cook your own damn bacon.
    That statement is like the one men joke around about 
    “Go make me a sammich”

    • The truth of the matter is that for our mothers who worked… they brought home the bacon, cooked it, cleaned up after it and then did all the housework and all the childcare while the men sat back and told them how to do it.  Studies show that even when women work as many or more hours than their partners, women do way more in the home.  I think the issue is…what if the woman dies, does she leave the children with an inept father who cannot cook, clean, shop for groceries or do laundry?  Will he have to farm the kids out because he is a man?  There are good reasons why both parents should be adept at sharing household chores and childrearing.

      • Healthcare insider: True, our mothers did this. that was a different generation. Most men now dont think that way so why should this generations women think that way!?

        • I don’t think women do think that way.  What they think is…”I am working the same amount of hours outside the home as you are so why do I have to beg you to vacuum and then fall down on my knees and praise you to the heaven when you do it?  You never praise me for the housework I do, why is that?”  Women just don’t understand why when they are working hard outside the home, that they are still doing most the work and childcare inside the home. 

          • Well said.

        • On the contrary, most men still think like so

      • I agree with  your last statement.  Look in the newspaper.  The majority of the obituaries used to be men, now it’s women.

    • What universe do you live in? In our world, it is the women who work and do all the housework while the man sits at home and watches TV.

      PLease get your facts straight before commenting.

  9. I made $20,000 last year and I am happier then anyone on this comment board.

  10. The article is written by a female and feminist, and aimed solely at females and feminists. There should be a disclaimer at the top.
    The article glibly ignores the ‘why’ in the current educational picture. There is systemic discrimination against boys in schools (in fact, a hatred of anything male) and systemic promotion of females in higher education. No, females are NOT more clever at school; they simply have a fifth column working for them in the classroom and in the support apparatus.
    In addition to this, there is vicious, systemic discrimination against fathers in divorce courts and in police procedures. Any wife who wants to dump her husband (for another husband) has only to make a false accusation of “abuse” — dial 911, say the magic words — and the hubby is barred from the house. It happens thousands of times. She is then statistically favored to scoop up the house and walk away with the kids.
    Any man who agrees to a legal marriage with a female is out of his mind. Hook up as appropriate, but go your own way.

    • I completely disagree. Systemic discrimination against boys in schools? Where is your evidence of this? Because from a pragmatic, factual perspective there is evidence that men are more likely to be promoted to positions of seniority despite having less experience and equal qualifications to their female counterparts, even in the public sector (such as within schools, where Principals remain overwhelmingly MALE). What makes you think these same schools favour girls over boys in the classroom?

      Yes, there is also hard evidence that women are favoured in divorce courts, and that this remains so. You can’t take the latter reality, and make an extraction to the first when there is zero credible evidence of your biased assertion.

      • I have to agree with Scrutineer. In my years in the Ontario public and post-secondary education system, more often than not I feel I was graded unfairly, sometimes fo,r but more often against. Yes, there are professional female teachers, but there are more unprofessional women educators who grade on something other than merit. At least I can say that has been my experience….

      •  Torontochick, Principals don’t make curriculum; principals don’t mandate learning methods; principals don’t remove boy-centred books from school libraries; principals don’t talk down to boys in the classroom or rhapsodize their lives as females. Principals don’t feminize boys the way their staff does. Principals don’t have a visceral hatred for boys age 12-15, as most female staff does (but only their shrinks can tell you why).
           The literature on the new anti-male schooling is now extensive. If you have access to an educational database, you should look it up.
           Other than that, the reason why, statistically, more males might be promoted in ANY industry is that women self-select to have children and careers first, thereby voluntarily removing themselves from the experience & seniority track. Good for them, but don’t blame the men.

      •  Addendum:
        To-chick, I just did a cursory Google on the ‘feminization of education’ and this was the first thing on the list:
        http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/time-to-lead/failing-boys/feminization-of-education-one-of-five-reasons-why-boys-are-failing/article1759346/
        It’s that easy. However, I do have to tell  you that teacher’s colleges/fac. of eds are clotted with feminists (both male and female) and with female personnel. So the urge to document this slide is not exactly keen in official educational circles.

        • Forgive me but I fail to see the relevance.
          Female teachers are to be blamed for boys’ underperfomance in literature? Then who do we blame for girls’ persistent underperformance in math classes? Do we blame male teachers for that? It’s a teacher’s job at least partially to socialize students. To me it seems sexist to not reprimand a student for writing a violent or gruesome short story because “boys will be boys.” Furthermore, women are no more at fault for boys preferring to play video games than read a book than men are for girls preferring nursing over a chemistry lab. Come on now, let’s get real.There are legitimate calls for equality, and then there is superfluous victimhood.

          • I read all of the G&M article. It might sound like Solomon but at the risk of another generation of young men not getting an education there needs to be some form of redress. Perhaps the time has come to separate the sexes in school and provide instruction with teachers of their own gender. There is too much at stake for us to leave our trust in a predominately female education system regardless of what the truth of this is. And that sister is what I call equality.

          • I read the Globe and Mail article when it came out.  The comments section was incredible.  Some people actually think males should get a boast with the entrance requirements into universities…just so more will attend.  Then people started to reflect on whether they would want a surgeon doing surgery on them who got into medical school because she earned the mark v. one who got in because he was a male….that made people reassess things somewhat. 
            There are schools that split up the students by gender…the girls thrive in the separted science and math classes.  Why…because girls tend to be quiet and reticient around the boys.  Without the boys there, they blossom and excell.
            The boys do no different than they always do.
            The question is do parents in this generation make special allowances for their boys?  Are they doing their homework?  Are they not disciplining them (not correcting their behavior when they talk back; act out; fight).  Why did boys excell in sciences and math in past generations but not now?  Teaching has always been full of women.  Have these women suddenly became angry toward male students?
            The medical schools for the first time have more females than males?  What is different in the way we are raising our children?

      • There is evidence of discrimination in school applications. Most unfortunately is anecdotal.

        I personally applied for school (professional degree) and was told my chances werent good because i was not over 25, a women, or a minority. Its there or else there would be no reason for us to send a photo and state our gender or ethnicity

    • Wise words. And sad. But true.

  11. I earn more money than my husband (at this particular phase of our lives). We both have PhD’s and work in an academic setting. He happens to do more of the cooking (he likes it, I don’t), while I do more of the child care.  It has never been an issue in part because he is exceptionally open minded but also because it never occurred to me that I should be solely responsible for the domestic things!!!  

  12. All about Eve..
    This is an emotive issue and I can appreciate the author’s choice of topic, The article, however, does little more than give a cursory glossing over a sensitive area. Sadly, this subject, for many, is subjectively about sex.

    The trouble with normal …
    It amazes me how pretentious people sound when they self serve themselves to beliefs that are meant to appear like the clothes of a sheepy ethos. Alas, it is the 21st century.
    The article touches on many truths but fails to investigate them. It is true that we have inherited a bas-tard society that has become matriarchal. But how did this happen? DId the fathers not get their day in court? Did our education system provide a biased fast track to social mobility? In any event, I agree with the author’s conclusion that all points lead to the continuation of this trend … that is, all points except one.  

    The two sides of the Congo…
    It is difficult to imagine what the future role of male participation in our society will be. As the article mentions, the construction and manufacturing sectors are not doing as well as the service and “socialist” factions. Without the creation of real wealth we are the poorer, and our economy can only be a declining economic balance. When the men of our society are shut out, with many economic doors closed to them, we will see most measures of progress come to a stop. Only the inalienable wealth of natural resources has carried the day in our new Bonobo society.

    Poor little rich girl …
    Equality is such a dirty word, perhaps the dictionary needs to be edited. I’d like to read an article about the pitfalls of the light-blue-collared male in our country to see what my brothers have to say. We need a voice, and only a hero can save us.

    The best of times …
    Our society, at present, could produce a porpourri of predictions for the future. Has feminism sown the wind ? Will we become a beehive of industrious eunuch-girls? The whole situation ends in fanciful thoughts when we think about what might be. I suspect that without the participation of men to enrich our society our place is untenable. That is, we are designing an etch-a-sketch society what will be erased with one good shake.

    Peace from Crete brothers.

  13. I had the opportunity to take on a job that would have catapulted me into the role of primary breadwinner. The problem was that it would have essentially made work the focal point of my life, and I intuitively knew that this would lead to the demise of my relationship. So today, I remain broke but happy.

    Having said all of that, I do not feel that it is the case today that it is only women who have to make these sorts of compromises and weigh-ins.

  14. What is the problem?

    I wish my wife made more than me.

  15. The disdain for men and for masculinity exhibited by this author is all too common, and it is very repulsive.  It is almost as repulsive as the contempt for women that one often hears in male company.

    Thanks feminism!

    Men are increasingly being demeaned and frustrated in the schools and the workforce.  At the same time, respect for femininity is almost extinct, with motherhood and nurturing roles held as lower in status than money-earning power-careers.  The result is a lot of angry men who don’t hold to the traditional notion that women are to be revered and protected.

    You think this is going to end well?  My prediction is that within my lifetime there will be a large-scale backlash against women.  Those few of us men who actually hold to traditional ideals will go down fighting to defend the women in our communities, but we’re going to be vastly outnumbered by the mobs of overgrown infantile boys surrounding us.

    • Och!  What are you saying?????  Please tell me that you have educated your daughters so that when their “man” who is supposed to “revere and protect them” jumps ship and divorces them, they can support themselves and their children.  There is nothing wrong with being a mom who takes time off to look after her young children and then works part-time or full-time at a career she loves while raising them.  A happy mom makes for happy children.  My mother had nine kids, upgraded her education and worked.  She was a teacher and she and my dad have been married over 60 years.  We had a fantastic childhood.  She was not a feminist.  We have all gotten a good education.  Most of us have been married over 20 years ourselves.  People can and do have traditional families with flexible rules. 

  16. …..and women, despite our successes, still earn less than men performing equivalent work. That could explain why companies pulled in more women originally and laid off many expensive men. Those women worked their way up, continued educating themselves, took on more responsibility (as programmed into our genes). And more recently are in positions of authority. A good argument for men supporting salary parity.

    • I think in man-language that is called low-balling and comes in only bitter-sweet flavour.

    • “and women, despite our successes, still earn less than men performing equivalent work”…they do not….the latest studies (as published in Time Magazine Summer 2011) have shown that single women working in major cities in the US make 8% more then similar aged men doing the same jobs….your facts are behind the times….male layoffs in the recent recession were because more women tend to work in government or stable office positions largely immune to the early recession, while more men worked in manufacturing sector which was affected more by the down turn in the economy.

      • You are right MZT…it isn’t that women doing the same job as men are earning less.  The fact is that jobs typically done by women…secretarial work, nursing, etc. are “valued” lower and paid lower than jobs done by men.  We only have to compare in Canada and the US, places like Caterpillar where an unskillled laborer made $32.00/hr and a registered nurse in Quebec with 4 years university and at the top of the wage made $31.89/hr.  It is not only the differences in education but also in responsibility; knowledge; stress on the job.  If you are in the US, think about the pay of a school teacher, again a profession mostly filled by women….disgustingly low.
        It has always been that women needed an education to have any hope of making a decent living while men could always work and pull in decent wages.  Now with the outsourcing of manufacturing jobs to China, that is not true…except in Alberta where men can go to work on the oil rigs and do other labor that still pays well.

  17. I tire of the anti male feminist tone of articles which attempt to denigrate men just because women have achieved some of the goals that set out to in the 1960′s. Some women wanted to take on some of the male roles in society…fine…they have done that, although not surprisingly many have found that the what they sought was not so wonderful after all ( given that recent studies have shown more women then ever are “unhappy” in their lives), and that the life of a male office worker/bread winner was not all a bed of roses, but often difficult grueling work which kept one away from the things which were most important in life.  However the feminist “us versus them” theme has done nothing to improve the lives of families as we now have less marriages, more single parent families and more latch key children then ever. Meanwhile the misandric diatribes continue unabated, combined with an advertising media that gleefully wishes to portray all men as weak and bumbling and all women as powerful and knowledgeable, a portrayal that can only be described as incredibly mean spirited and short sighted….if the average man is not given the general respect of the females of society, then the result will be devastating for society in the long run….as its still the average man who makes our society function on so many levels. 

    • Some women wanted to take on some of the male roles in society…fine…they have done that, although not surprisingly many have found that the what they sought was not so wonderful after all ( given that recent studies have shown more women then ever are “unhappy” in their lives), and that the life of a male office worker/bread winner was not all a bed of roses, but often difficult grueling work which kept one away from the things which were most important in life.

      Excuse me! I would rather take the hard gruelling work than the cleaning the house! Because I am capable of doing both, why shoudl it matter which one I do! The article is tryign to show taht men often (not always) but often do not pull their weight in the domestic part of married life.

      “I tire of the anti male feminist tone of articles which attempt to denigrate men just because women have achieved some of the goals that set out to in the 1960′s. ”

      And I tire of the anti-feminist sexist tone of some of the commentors over here.

  18. Quite frankly, my husband and I have too much to do in a day (caring for kids, earning enough to pay the bills, and keeping up with the housework) to care who does how much of what. As long as it all gets done, and we’re both working equally hard, what’s the big deal?

    • Agreed, but the big deal happens when one partner doesnt pull their weight, and this article is talking precisely about that!

    • The old “we’re just too busy to care” line. Who are you kidding?

  19. One-third of women now earn more than their husbands – and 2/3 don’t. In other words, the majority.

    And that’s despite no longer taking time off to have kids, getting education and working long hours – just like men. Women still make less than men for the same work, still put in more work at home after hours. Articles like this are a disservice to us all by highlighting a ‘fortunate’ minority who seem to have succeeded in the man’s world be adopting traditional male values.

    What about the women who don’t have spouses to compare their wages against? Divorced, widowed women and single moms are the majority of the poorest in this country. This seems much more relevant to me and to real feminists.

    • There are many silent majorities. The journalist at Maclean’ that ground this grist should take a lesson. Secular political opinions such as these are poisonous to circulation. No one wants to read it. Another uninformed rag periodical lacking talent, destined for the trash can.

  20. I am so tired of hearing the foolish idea that the genders are equal and the same.  They are equal yet different!  People are different, they have different gifts. Those gifts will be expressed in an optimal manner. That all folks. When will we stop taking a bad idea that sounds like a good idea, promote it and then wonder why the outcome isn’t the ideal we thought sounded so good?

  21. We’ve moved three times, with me being the one to follow my wife’s promotions and transfers. I’ve taken a big hit on my career to the point where she now makes more than me, but nonetheless, doing it this way maximized our *total* household income. My skills are mobile, while hers are not, so it simply made sense for me to make the sacrifices. We’re a team.
     
    So I can say that even with a female primary breadwinner, gender pay inequities always seem to come around to still hurt these career-minded women in the end. For instance, career damage happens to male spouses to a more severe degree when they’re the trailing spouse during a job transfer. In our society, a greater percentage of husbands work, they are still usually the older partner in the marriage, and therefore they are further along in their careers and earnings. As such, it is the households of transferred female employees who are most likely to experience a loss of a spousal income, compounded by a resulting higher financial loss.
     
    Ever wonder why an employer will pay for a spouse to come on a house-hunting trip to a new work location but there are no policies to assist the spouse to travel for job interviews there ahead of the move? This very common 1950s-era policy gap has become the newest (and legal) embodiment of a glass ceiling that discourages married female employees from accepting career-enhancing promotions, especially within male-dominated professions where spouses are typically expected to “use the move as a chance to take a break from work and have kids.” (Hello, Canadian Foreign Service, RCMP and DND!)
     
    My wife and I have now both agreed that neither of us will accept promotions and transfers that will hurt the other’s career. And more men are taking that line for the sake of their working spouses’ careers, regardless of which one is the primary breadwinner. It simply doesn’t make financial sense for one spouse’s 10% pay increase from a promotion to result in a 50% decrease in *total* household income.
     
    The reason there not more men who are secondary breadwinners is because our society has no qualms about talking equality, but sits on its hands when it comes to backing it up with 21st century policies to promote equality.

  22. OK, so is gender equality only about sharing the benefits, or is it also about sharing in the responsibilities? How about this:
     
    Women have proved themselves as soldiers in the Canadian Armed Forces. So why hasn’t the current version of the War Measures Act been updated so that women can also be conscripted (against their will) into the military during an emergency, the same as men?
     
    Does this act therefore discriminate against men, or is gender equality only a good thing when taken in moderation?

    • Should conscription ever be necessary again, the War Measures Act could very well be amended to include young women.  Given that we have had a voluntary army since ? WWII, and female combat soliders first came into the battlefield in Afghanistan, I don’t think that it says anything about gender equality that the War Measures Act has not been altered.  I had heard that there is a reluctance about training female fighter pilots and perhaps this applies to foot soliders too.  Apparently, females aren’t as comfortable with indiscriminate killing….which is obviously a barrier to being a successful solider in battle.

  23. Any man who’s wife earns more than him should count his lucky stars.  When the likely breakup and division of assests occurs, he won’t have the feeling of getting raped as is the norm.  He may even come out on top!!!

    • Other than the fact that almost 1/2 of relationships breakup, why should a relationship where a woman makes more than a man be more likely to breakup unless the two are just stupid enough to make an inconsequential thing like who brings in more cash bother them?

  24. Sharing the financial load and responsibilities equally, is how it should be and is pretty much as it always has been, despite the silly stereotypes the media wants people to believe.

    Men and women are not equal per se. This is a fact. Denying it is mental masturbation. They have EQUAL RIGHTS, but they have DIFFERENT ROLES. And have DIFFERENT ABILITIES AND LIMITS and DIFFERENT RESPONSIBILITIES defined by nature, especially WHEN IT COMES TO CHILD REARING. Women have a tremendous sense of empathy. Men DO NOT. Women can socialize better. Men CANNOT. Women can endure physical pain at excruciating levels. Men CANNOT. Men have physical strength. Women DO NOT. Men are more direct, logical and place little emphasis on emotions. Women do NOT. Men enjoy leading. Women do NOT. These are GENERAL trends. Exceptions are NOT the rule. Especially exceptions that result due to societal constructs.

    Socialization is a distortion of nature, this not being a bad thing necessarily, and changes from century to century, culture to culture, economic system to economic system, all of which constrict nature’s plan: woman in cave – breastfeeding, man in meadows – hunting. This is human instinct. A father will NEVER be as good as a mother for a child’s rearing during the early stages of life. A baby will cry his or her brains out in the hands of a father until the mother embraces him or her in her bosom. LOL. Pun aside, what is clear is that all shit said by psychologists is utter bullshit and is only applicable within the bubble of the social construct they live in. They may get the Nobel or whatever shrinks get as awards for their work, but 30 years later they will be disproven as trash and imbeciles.. oh wait, yeah we don’t say politically incorrect shit in our society, even if it’s true.. because offending someone is to be avoided like the devil avoids god. But I bet my balls if your wife earns more than you…you already probably feel half gay. (oh just come on… admit it, you can just feeel your balls shrinking LOL) And she probably is looking to find some other dude..or just not telling you about it yet cos she is more loyal to her kids than you. So you stay as a hubby because she wants it so, just so they can have a daddy, but sexually she needs the man who has power. Not all women, but the vast majority. Money IS a form of power, which confers authority. It replaces your “hunting” capacity. But money is NOT the only form. Nonetheless, women NEED alpha males. If she is feeding you with her money, she is hardwired to tell you to go drown, you and your “love”. hahah… If you make less, well.. try to at least compensate by adjusting your “alpha-maleness” with something else that makes you seem powerful in her eyes, so she can respect you and not lose esteem for you. Or just feed on anti-depressants and curse society while you are doing the dishes: which you SHOULD do TOGETHER either way. You should be working together in the yolk of life, and the burden is not “unequal” if you are not doing the same tasks, ya monkeys, it’s merely appropriately distributing responsibilities according to your abilities and traits.

    In any case. Such articles make me laugh. The anxiety-neurotic prone average american/canadian usually feels so touchy about these “taboo” subjects. As though they had always been fixed and only now it is that they are changing. LOL The difference is that you need not suppress your wife by disallowing her from working, but chances are that if she ends up making significantly more than you after you get married…well your marriage will suffer. and you might turn gay. hahahah just kidding. Don’t listen to me, I love political incorrectness. It makes people see reality through the extremes it pushes. No wonder we have expressions like “who’s yo daddy??” going out the window. Soon we’ll say “who’s yo mommy???” haha Picture your wife saying that.. Nice eh? Well, ok granted..there are dudes who like stuff like that. But most males and females like it one way: the way it’s been for millenia.

    Ok so, women. You wanted feminism… well actually it was that clown rockefella (sounds cooler this way) who started it all, so his giant banking system could churn out more money by engaging twice as many people into taxation… but ok, you have the illusion of independance. hmm.. No you work 8 hours, then you take care of the kids AS WELL. Gotta love feminism. Emancipated you for sure. Cos you can’t beat nature… You WILL obey your instincts and still do housework, take care of the kids and everything, because while you were working, hubby “didn’t do it right” (which is true) because he’s a dude. So let’s flip the coin the other way and instead of patriarchy, let’s have matriarchy. Same shit, different flavor. Ahhh the freshness… I love creating inequality flipside up in the name of equality.

    • Buddy, you’ve got it aaaallll wrong. Feminism is not about imprisonment. It is about choice. I am a working woman, I don’t outearn my partner (because having a high-powered career is not a priority for me) but I would not be fulfilled staying home and looking after the kids. In fact, I don’t even WANT children. Feminism allows me to admit that and not face ostracization from society.

      To me, feminism represents limitless choice. If you, as a woman, want to “bring home the bacon,” you can. If you want to stay home and raise a multitude of children, you can. If you want to be an eternal student, you can. If you want to fix the pipes while your partner washes the dishes, you can. It’s about women having the same sorts of options to choose a path that fulfills them that men do, not replacing men.

      • “feminism represents limitless choice.” ……unless you are a Muslim women who wants to wear a niqab, because feminists see that choice as a woman being oppressed and so that choice is NOT allowed.  Am I right?

        • For most of those women, it is NOT a choice, they are forced into doing that. furthermor, the niqab is a cultural thing not a religious prescription! the culture that requires it does not give women any freedom, and those women who choose to do so ahve been brainwashed into wearing one or scared into doing so

          • Even if it is a choice, considering what the niqab represents it’s a wonder why any woman who hasn’t be brainwashed or coersed would want to wear it.

    • Men are more direct, logical and place little emphasis on emotions. Women do NOT. Men enjoy leading. Women do NOT.

      Where are u getting your facts from?? WOMEN LOVE LEADING!

      these general trends are based on socialization and drilling of soceital expectations of a person. feminism is a movement that pushes the socialization away so that women are able to decide how to live their life and not have to conform to some stupid model of the ideal woman.

  25. True feminism is equality for all, including all genders, races, ages, etc. The statement “It’s not until we have brought the bacon home and the men have cooked it that we have really made the transition” is not at all a true feminist statement. Maybe a from of radical feminism, but for sure not true feminism.

    • another misinterpretation of the quotation. it is just saying that even though woman can now bring home the bacon, the average* man will still not cook it despite being at home and idle

      * not to belittle the awesome men who do not see any difference and take up their responsibilities! and dont hide behind a false pretense of male ego leads to a better sex life

  26. It seems that now a days the husbands and wives egos in the work force come before the family and children. Work and money comes first, the family appears to be second.  One of the parents really needs to take on a nurturing, family orientated  role in the relationship to balance the family,  even if it’s the man. No wonder children grow up too fast now a days. Society is raising the children now a days, not the parents.

  27. There is no “mine” and “hers/his” after marriage. Everything is “ours”. Unless one partner starts hogging the money for their parents/brothers/sisters… That would create the only separation as I can see.

  28. I was a working wife and I alway said women’s liberation was really men’s liberation.  Women got to bring home the bacon as well as cook it.

  29. Funny, the second shift doesn’t show up on the time use surveys.

  30. Men need to start stepping up and no longer allow this kind of thing.  All the men commenting on this article (if they’re not actually women using pseudonyms) have, I suspect, had their balls removed.

  31. What this boils down to is that the old archetype of the male breadwinner who is in charge of the family is harmful to everyone involved, and needs to stop being perpetuated.

  32. The point of this article is not to demean any job or gender, and nor is it the fact that women now earn more than men. The point is it is not FAIR for women to have to be breadwinners AND take care of the house at the same time, while the man sits and watches TV. The point this article is trying to get across is that even though women now have more choices, they are still not give the same equality because many (not all) men refuse to take on a different role. Those who say that you sex life will be affected, all I want to say to them is, why DOES it matter your wife earns more? The article is trying to raise this question! Why DOES it matter? People should just adjust their jobs in their household so that each person makes an equal contribution. The quotation about the man cooking the bacon is not about role reversal and revenge, but about the fact that WHY are there no house-husbands? Why is it wrong for the husband to stay at home and just take care of the family? WHY? Those who talk about alpha males, etc. that is all BULLSHIT! It is all a mentality that can be broken. How are some men able to break that mould? Because they are able to break free of that mentality and say hey, im not being fair to my wife. The article is not raising questions about mine and yours, the article is saying that YES, the concept is of OURS, but in this ours, why are the women being squished with all the workload?

  33. so is it wrong to want to be a housewife and never work? and want to find a man who believes in chivalry and who wants to be the provider? or does this now have to go by the wayside because of “equality”

  34. Not sure what world Doyle-Morris lives in but it does not resemble mine. I see the men at the schools picking up kids, coaching sports teams, grocery shopping then being a major part of the home responsibilities, all the while holding down just as stressful jobs making more or less money then their wives. Are we not past this stage of finger pointing at the genders. Some men are bad fathers and bad husbands, but face it some women make bad mothers and bad wifes. When I was young, my father was the “bread winner” but he worked his butt off when he got home, just like my mom did, to make sure our home was a good comfortable place to grow up in. Mom never cut the grass, dad could not cook. Neither could ever comment one did more then others.
    As far as women making more money, great on you, that is the testament of hard work in a society that pays for hard work regardless of gender. I wonder though how a judge would view a stay at home dad vs a working mom making all the money. My sense is the mother would still get the children and not have to pay support!!!
    Just saying.

  35. With women consistently more educated and driven our power has grown while men’s has diminished. Men need to step aside and support the one that is or is becoming the leader of the family.

    • We’re in the middle of a recession. Time for women to get back in the kitchen, and men take over all those jobs. It doesn’t make sense for men to be out of work, and for women to have those jobs. These men who are supported by women aren’t really men anymore. What pussies!

      • And here I thought it was 2012, not 1912.

        Someone is not more deserving of a job just because they happen to have a penis. Women are the ones going to college and getting degrees in greater numbers. A high school dropout should get a job over someone with a degree just because the former has a penis and the latter doesn’t?

        If men want more of the good jobs, then go to college and get a degree.

        • Men are doing that as they always have done. Those numbers can’t be believed, it has more to do with the degree than the numbers getting them. I suspect most women are going for things like English, due to demonstrably poor math skills. It’s fashionable right now for women to write articles for other women about how things are evening out, but they’re not. It’s actually not a problem, men will continue to be the breadwinners in the majority of households, have the better degrees, make more money, have more say, etc. Let women run their day care centers and cupcake shops. You want your engineers and doctors to be men, not for the fact of having a penis and testicles but for the qualities the male brain possesses – spacial reasoning and emotional stability are just the tip of the iceberg. So, to be clear – I wasn’t quite serious. There will always be beta males, and these are the ones that are being dominated by women. The good jobs, the biggest salaries, the most influence – men just have too big an advantage there. Sorry, toots.

          • Wow, you’re just a sexist pig, aren’t you? Most of the things you said are false, but it’s obvious that you’re living in your own little dream world and aren’t worth arguing with.

          • We both know they aren’t false, but I don’t blame you for accepting defeat – why not cut your losses now, rather than experience more humiliation?

  36. Hello Every one out here!!
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