North Korean Olympians praise Great Leader; Canadians, would it kill you to do likewise?

Memo:
To: Canadian Olympic athletes

Re:
Veneration of Dear Leader Harper (lack of same)

Action Required:
Emulation of Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea (DPR) as praise-model for Canadian athletics.

Message:
It has been noticed at the Highest Levels of government that there has been a distinct lack by Canadian medallists of spontaneous displays of affection and gratitude directed at the Canadian government, which is to say the Harper government, which is to say in Most Dear and Supreme Leader Stephen Harper.
Inasmuch as money flows through said government under the benevolent leadership of The Great Sportsman it is strongly suggested that said athletes ‘get with the program’ during pre- and post-event interviews and in all electronic communication. (#weSweatforGr8Leader)
To assist said athletes the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) has collected, through its association with the Canadian Olympic Committee, excellent examples of gratitude as freely expressed at the 2012 London Summer Olympic Games by actual North Korean athletes.
Any of these quotations can be ‘Canadianized’ by our triumphant athletes with the simple substitution of Dear Leader Harper at the appropriate point in the praise-model template.

Kim Un Guk upon winning gold in (63kg) weightlifting:
“I had a back injury before, but thanks to Kim Jong-Il (DPR’s late leader) I was able to overcome it and win the record.”
Kim Un Guk on future plans:
“Kim Jong-Un is waiting for the news so I will be pleased to get the news to him. The whole country will be happy, and the father of the country will be very happy too.”
Kim Un Guk on the resurgence of weightlifting in the DPR:
“The secret is the best support of our General and Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un. He expects the highest performance from all our athletes.”

Om Yun Chol (56kg) weightlifting on becoming the fifth man in history to lift three times his bodyweight in the clean and jerk:
“I an very happy and give thanks to our Great Leader for giving me the strength to lift this weight.”
Om Yun Chol on his surprise at such an accomplishment:
“How can any man lift 168kg? I believe the Great Kim Jong-Il looked over me.”
Om Yun Chol on his supporters:
“My parents were not here. I am here only with my coach. I believe Kim Jong-Il gave me the record and all my achievements. It is all because of him.”

Rim Jong Sim on how she will celebrate her gold medal in (56kg) weightlifting:
“It is not good to celebrate anything. It is just to please our leader Kim Jong-Un.”
Rim Jong Sim on where she finds her motivation:
“Even when the training was really tough, as an athlete I give joy to the Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un. That was my motivation. As an athlete I needed to know how to please the General. The only thing I want to do right now is run to our Dear General with my gold medal in my hand.”

Sin Ui Gun, DPR women’s team soccer coach, on how his players spend their free time at the Games:
“As you might well know, our players did not find any free time since we arrived here . . . Some of you will have seen our team players enjoying their free time in the hotel. There is a hall with some games machines and table tennis and they love to spend their time there inside.”

Conclusion:
As you can see, a few simple words of gratitude can go a long way toward building a successful national sports program and a joyous and responsible athlete. We are watching your response to these suggestions with great interest.
On behalf of the PMO,
Yours in sport,
Eric Arthur Blair.




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North Korean Olympians praise Great Leader; Canadians, would it kill you to do likewise?

  1. OMG I’m amazed they’re NOT praising Dear Leader to the skies…..geez, at this rate they’ll all be declared ‘bogus refugees’, ‘foreign criminals’, ‘running dogs’, ‘hooligans’……and the like, and be refused reentry into Canada!

    Get with it, and fast folks!

    • Canadian citizenship now needs PMO approval.

      • They set great store by that don’t they…..who is and isn’t a ‘real’ Canadian at any given moment.

        Dual citizens, or whether you need rescuing…..and it depends on if it’s a ‘good or bad’ country you need rescuing from.

        And you can be ‘bogus’…..or a ‘criminal’… in an instant, depending on Jason’s mood….

        Flash forward and we may be hearing ‘Papers, citizen’.

        Lately Kenney seems to be insisting I’m a Brit….I may take him up on it.

  2. NatPost ~ Aug 2010:

    The Ultimatum Game works like this: You are given $100 and asked to share it with someone else. You can offer that person any amount and if he accepts the offer, you each get to keep your share. If he rejects your offer, you both walk away empty-handed.

    How much would you offer? If it’s close to half the loot, you’re a typical North American. Studies show educated Americans will make an average offer of $48, whether in the interest of fairness or in the knowledge that too low an offer to their counterpart could be rejected as unfair. If you’re on the other side of the table, you’re likely to reject offers right up to $40.

    It seems most of humanity would play the game differently.

    The article, titled “The weirdest people in the world?”, appears in the current issue of the journal Brain and Behavioral Sciences. Dr. Henrich and co-authors Steven Heine and Ara Norenzayan argue that life-long members of societies that are Western, educated, industrialized, rich, democratic – people who are WEIRD – see the world in ways that are alien from the rest of
    the human family.

    After analyzing reams of data from earlier studies, the UBC team found that WEIRD people reacted differently from others in experiment after experiment involving measures of fairness, anti-social punishment and co-operation, as well as visual illusions and questions of individualism and conformity.

    Others punish participants perceived as too altruistic in co-operation games, but very few in the English-speaking West would ever dream of penalizing the generous. Westerners tend to group objects based on resemblance (notebooks and magazines go together, for example) while Chinese test subjects prefer function (grouping, say, a notebook with a pencil). Privileged Westerners, uniquely, define themselves by their personal characteristics as opposed to their roles in society.

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