• subscribe
    • Technology

    In response to the new Facebook guidelines

    Jesse Brown: I hereby declare myself Mayor of Toronto

    Jesse Brown
    <p>FILE &#8211; In this Oct. 10, 2011 file photo, a magnifying glass is posed over a monitor displaying a Facebook page in Munich. Facebook is proposing to end its practice of letting users vote on changes to its privacy policies, though it will continue to let users comment on proposed updates. The world&#8217;s biggest social media company said in a blog post Wednesday, Nov. 21, 2012, that its voting mechanism, which is triggered only if enough people comment on proposed changes, has become a system that emphasizes quantity of responses over quality of discussion. Users tend to leave one or two-word comments objecting to changes instead of more in-depth responses. (AP Photo/dapd, Joerg Koch, File)</p>

    FILE – In this Oct. 10, 2011 file photo, a magnifying glass is posed over a monitor displaying a Facebook page in Munich. Facebook is proposing to end its practice of letting users vote on changes to its privacy policies, though it will continue to let users comment on proposed updates. The world’s biggest social media company said in a blog post Wednesday, Nov. 21, 2012, that its voting mechanism, which is triggered only if enough people comment on proposed changes, has become a system that emphasizes quantity of responses over quality of discussion. Users tend to leave one or two-word comments objecting to changes instead of more in-depth responses. (AP Photo/dapd, Joerg Koch, File)

     

     

    In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare myself Mayor of Toronto.

    As a result of the Bourne Convention (my unsolicited screenplay), I hereby attach my copyright to all of my personal details. You know how I freak out over scary chain letters and jump on every ill-informed social media cause? Remember Kony 2012? Or when I posted that Oprah died?  That’s a personal detail, and I own it.  Shut up.

    For commercial use of my photos, etchings, relationship status and Farmville score, my written consent is needed at all times.

    The content of this profile is private and confidential information. That’s why I put it on Facebook—for privacy.

    Facebook is now an open capital entity. It used to be a private entity, which was better for me I don’t know how.  All members are recommended to publish a notice like this. If you do not publish a statement at least once, you will be tacitly allowing Facebook to commercialize your information.  You may have explicitly allowed Facebook to commercialize your information when you joined Facebook, but that was a really long form so I don’t know.

    Anyone reading this can copy this text and paste it on their Facebook Wall. I know that I just prohibited you from copying me, but whatever, work it out guys.

    Posting this notice to your Facebook Wall will place you under protection of copyright laws. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.

    Follow Jesse on Twitter @JesseBrown

     

    tags:facebookprivacy