Listen, the Olympics have been great and everything, and our athletes have a lot to be proud of and all that. And yes, as CTV keeps pointing out, our country has scored its highest-ever number of bronze medals – which has to be the most Canadian brag of all time: Yay! We’re the most number threeiest that we’ve ever been!
But let’s not sugarcoat it: We may lead the world in moxie and gumption but we fell short in the medals that matter most. It’s going to be a tough few weeks for our people at the United Nations.
An ambassador sits down next to a Canadian diplomat.
– Hey, how did you guys do at the Olympics?
Oh, good. Pretty good.
– Lots of golds?
Yeah, lots of medals.
– You got at least one gold, right?
Sure. Yes. Obviously. Of course we got a gold!
– What was it in?
[covers mouth] Tmmmplnn.
– Sorry, I didn’t catch that.
[pretends to choke to death on a saltine] Trrrrrraaahhhhhhhhkkkkkakakaka–
– Pardon me?
[quietly] Trampoline. Our gold was in trampoline.
– Yeah, I’m going to go sit over there with the guy from Belarus.