A question about the TV show Entourage - Macleans.ca
 

A question about the TV show Entourage


 

I’ve been watching Entourage from the beginning, so I’ve lost perspective. That means you’re going to have to help me out. Has the show always been this awful, or is it a new thing they’re trying out?

Don’t get me wrong: I know the series was never really terrific to begin with, but I liked it and looked forward to it. There was something about the chemistry and penis-themed banter among the four main characters that made me overlook the show’s small flaws, such as the fact that the allegedly charismatic, A-list Hollywood superstar is played by an actor who has all the magnetic properties of a marshmallow. Plus, I liked Ari, the agent. He yelled a lot.

I also know the show has been in decline for years, certainly since the Medellin tedium and probably before. But it’s never been this bad, has it? One of Vince’s pals is going to school (Look everyone, it’s Saved By the Bell: The Turtle Years). Another is in high demand among women and big-wheel Hollywood agents despite the fact that all he ever seems to do is wear sweaters and shrug. Plus, we’ve actually had to watch Drama act, which is cruel.

In case you’ve given up on the show, let me get you further up to date by providing the script for half of every episode this season…

E enters.

E: Hey.

Sloan: Hey yourself.

E: What’s up?

Vince enters.

Vince: Hey.

E: Hey.

Sloan: Hey, Vince.

E: So…

Sloan: So yourself…

Vince has intercourse. Turtle enters.

Turtle: Hey.

E: Hey.

Awkward pause. Vince has intercourse.

Turtle: Um… hey?

Ari: LLLLLLLOOO – Vince has intercourse – OOOYYYDDDD!!!!!!

E: Anyway…

Sloan: Anyway yourself…

Drama enters.

Drama: Hey.

E, Turtle, Vince, Vince’s sex partner, Sloan, maybe Willis Drummond for some reason, the 1979 Pittsburgh Steelers, the ghost of Herbert Hoover: Hey.

Another pause. In the distance, a coyote howls.

Ashley: Why won’t my wittle Eric-Werric come play house with me???

Fade to Vince having intercourse.

There. You can send me my Emmy now.

Some have described the E/Ashley relationship as Entourage’s shark-jumping moment, but that’s not quite right. It would be more accurate to say it’s the part of Entourage that makes you wish you were being eaten by a shark. The pain would be slightly less intense.

I like you. Go away. I don’t like you. Come over. Go away. Let’s have sex. Go away. Has there ever been a more tween-angsty Disney, less interesting relationship between two adult human-being-type characters ever committed to film? Fine, The English Patient.

(This is a joke. The English Patient was great and everything. I guess I was just thinking how swell it would be if E abandoned Ashley to die in a cave and then eventually got captured by Nazis.)


 
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A question about the TV show Entourage

  1. This season has been terrible. Only saving grace so far was Ari golfing with Jeffery Tambor.

  2. there are quite a few things going on this season.
    your admin doesn't like my language and im not going to retype my whole post
    but seriously:
    eric finally getting rid of sloan
    erics new job
    bob sagats offer
    50 cent making fun of turtles Ferrari
    the stalker/security situation
    drama messing up his job and trying to mitigate the situation
    andrew kleins mess with the affair/divorce
    ari being militant on lloyd

    theres plenty more going on and if you cant appreciate the fun/intercourse along the way. you might not be watching the right show.

    • The commenting system is seriously screwed right now – lots of posts of disappearing – so I wouldn't stress about the administrator in this case.

  3. I will admit that the E/Ashley/Sloan thing is getting tiring, but on the whole, it's a pretty average season. All the same jokes are there if your main interests are seeing Ari rip on Lloyd and watching the boys exchange their penis-themed banter.

    Drama's acting is definitely atrocious, but I think it just shows the awesomeness of Kevin Dillon. He's able to play an over-the-top idiot who also acts like an over-the-top idiot.

  4. Jamie Lynn has been great and the Bbo Sagat bit was what has made it for me so far. Agreed though that it has been downhill since Medallin.

  5. I think the Ashley character is the new Cousin Oliver. All downhill from there.

  6. If anything i think the last few episodes have showed that things are turning around and here are some things to think about that will at least keep me coming back: MINOR SPOILERS

    Lloyd doesn't seem to be losing any weight. Does that mean the promotion is in jeopardy? That story line was funny and kinda touching and needs to be pursued. The possibility of more Bob Saget. Who is the stalker pictured in the drivers licence? Sorkin visiting Klein in jail despite his hatred of Ari was another good moment that reminded me of the better parts of the early episodes. The car in the living room. The boys ribbing E about Sloan was still pretty good. Drama's melt down with his boss was also good. E finally drew a line with Sloan so hopefully that creates some tension or it goes away. it's not as annoying a story line as JLS making Turtle wear awful clothes for school. JLS has to go. Turtle is better used as the stoned porn obsessed 4th man of the group who has his occasional flashes of insight and pot-headed brilliance.

    All the nonsense about Medeillin was worth it for Drama's cameo at the end of the movie. But that was an overly long story line and the director of Medellin was my least favourite character to date.

    Kate Mara needs more screen time as E's assistant. Actually a Kate Mara lead spin-off would be perfect. Did i mention i love Kate Mara

  7. Greg M are you kidding me? Ahsley is hot as hell! Cousin Oliver, he wasn't that hot.

  8. E's assistant at his new job – she's hot too!

  9. Emmanuelle Chriqui.
    Canadian.
    Yum.