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Caption Challenge Vol. 2, No. 3

Scott Feschuk wants you to set the scene


 

Go.


 

Caption Challenge Vol. 2, No. 3

  1. Now YOU make some hand gestures for the next picture, and it will look like we're actually in discussions. I love these photo-ops!

  2. Now when HE denies having known about torture, this time you AGREE with every word he says. We can't be caught lying again!

  3. Yeah, I know Alfie is back, but I still think we'll be playing Russia for gold.

  4. I didn't say "Simon Says". You're out.

    • I can't vote, but this one is pretty good. Thumbs up.

  5. Does anyone else see the teddy bear in the suit next to me?

  6. Lawrence, you're fired! I told you, no jackets — this was supposed to be a "roll up the sleeves, hard at work" moment.

  7. The bathroom is down the hall and to the right.

  8. So, we need Tessa and Scott to throw in a few more of those triple spinny things. Peter is in charge of that. You make sure there's a loony at centre ice, and the election's in the bag!

  9. (Cannon): Mr. President, didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to point your finger at people? You need lessons in manners and statesmanship

  10. O/T – but is this supposed to be a recent photo??? Harper has put on the pounds we all know – he looks a little slimmer in this photo

  11. Okay, pay attention this time Van Loan:

    Cannon will have the double decaf soy latte,
    Mckay, the red bull,
    Nicholson will have a cup of red rose,
    and I'll have my usual warm mug of Ignatieff's tears.

  12. "Will this picture end up on my wall over there? With you chumps? Ha! You make me sick."

  13. After five minutes of waiting for the meeting to begin, Mr. Van Loan started to suspected something was wrong when he first; spoke before being spoken too without reprisal, second; no one was responding to his questions, and third; everyone but him was made of cardboard.

    Visibly crestfallen, the minster knew he had just been punk'd.

  14. So what you are saying Lawrence is that indeed you smelt it, but that it was in fact MacKay that dealt it?

  15. "And what was your name again?"

  16. Lawrie, PULL my finger, dammit!

    • Lawrence Cannon slowly begins to realize that Stephen Harper, in violation of accepted protocol, did not wait until someone actually pulled his finger to prorogue his large intestine.

  17. So you're saying I can only get the ribs with a quarter chicken, not with a half?

  18. " Put that coffee down. Coffee's for closer's only. You think I'm fu**in' with you? I am not fu**in' with you. I'm here from downtown. I drove all the way out from Rockliffe for this. And I'm here on a mission of mercy.

    Your name's Cannon? You call yourself a politician, you son of a bitch?"

  19. And then get this, Van Loan the pig started to…. wait, he's standing behind me isn't he?

  20. "Okay, you and Peter can have the tickets to the finals but you have to agree to take Van Loan with you. That's non-negotatiable."

  21. OK, you're not wearing the muzzle either. It's alright when it's just us, but for outside I'm not joking around.

  22. Hey Van Loan, thanks for filling on the butler's day off. MacKay'll have a cheeseburger, and Lawrence here wants a coke and a club sandwich.

  23. "And If Cannon wins the next round, we're gonna get to see Mackay's nipples! Ante up and deal, VL!"

  24. Admit it Cannon, you drank my Goldschlager, didn't you?

  25. Harper: Now, now wait your turn. It's peter's turn today, we only got one happy jacket.

  26. "When the strategist said you could solve your problems by pointing the finger at incompetent underlings, Sir, I'm, not sure he meant it literally."

  27. "So Cannon, you're saying that if I start wearing a sexy, black turtleneck too then I can get back some of that Québécois voter love?"

  28. There were only 4 Beatles, Larry, and you're no Ringo…sorry, but you'll just have to sit this one out. Maybe you can help with set up for the gig. Give Laureen a call…

  29. The PM's afternoon game of musical chairs gets testy.

    Harper: "Listen you! [pointing] I'm the decider around here! The music stops when i say it stops – ok"!

    • Oh for god's sake. What clown is giving out thumbs down for innocuous funnies…yeesh!! Get a life will ya!

      • Peter Van Loan is kinda touchy about having his shortcomings ridiculed.

  30. And if any of you, especially you, Cannon, think you're gonna succeed me as leader of the party…..

  31. Lawrence, I'll say it one more time, slowly. Peter Two suggested a non-existent airline security threat to distract the press from Peter One's statements about Afghanistan. What's so hard to understand?

  32. Van Loan: "Actually I was just trying to find the deli tray".

  33. Wait a minute; you mean we can get outta these offices and go on holidays for the Olympics?

  34. We all know the rules.. When the music stops, you grab a chair. Van Loan wasn't fast enough, so he's on his way out of Cabinet and you are now Minister responsible for the Canadian Wheat Board.

  35. The mnisters were hard at work during prorogument, rehearsing for the upcoming Parliament Theatre productionn of 12 Angry Men.

    • "We're calling it 12 Angry Ministers. But there's only five of us, so we're going to be 2.75 times as angry."

  36. Scott,
    Your contests are a treat. You deserve to participate in one. I present the first annual "Guess the Jane Taber column contest"

    a) Haiti Pushes Prorogation Off Front Page..For now
    b) Canadian toll hits 11, with more than 850 still missing in Haiti
    c) Flaherty to scrap G7 formalities, focus on frank discussion
    d) Ignatieff's maxim: to thine own self be true
    e) Jann Arden raises a glass with the Harpers

    • A glass filled with gold-flecked liqueur, no less.

      Fist of 1995 Stephen Harper, meet nose of 2010 Stephen Harper.

  37. "No, I'M the rebel. I'M the Judd Nelson. Mackay is Emilio. Van Loan is Molly. Nicholson is Ally Sheedy. And you're the geek– don't you forget it."

  38. When you become dictator for life, then you can wear a turtleneck. Until then, white dress shirts with ties! Got it?

  39. "eenie meenie miney moe"

  40. "how can we be sure you're not a spy?"

    • OR

      "Then ask him something only the REAL Lawrence Cannon would know!"

      • Reminds me of those movies or shows where a guy is disguised like someone else and nobody can tell til the end, like almost every episode of scooby doo, or ace ventura pet detective.

        So, here's another one:

        "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids!"

  41. …turkey sandwich, extra tomato, honey mustard. Oh, and while you're at it, tell Jean we're breaking for 3 months.

  42. OK when we show up at the Olympics — no smiling, no laughing and no having 'Fun' whatever that is. We're 'recalibrating'. Especially you grey haired nobody.

  43. "From now on, you take orders from my finger."

  44. "knight to queen's bishop 3, check"

  45. Okay this is getting weird. How does Van Loan keep getting in here?

  46. "When the music stops, we'll remove one more chair and everyone will have to find a new seat. Except for me of course."

  47. Move a your chair to left so I look into the mirror for re-assurance!

  48. So what you're saying is that Avatar's overbearingly Liberal message is the real reason our poll numbers are down?

  49. So I'm thinking out loud here, that if – just if – we shave Van Loan's head, we can then have Mike Duffy running two fundraiser's simultaneously….

  50. After I become His Tremendousness of Seborga, Canada won't have Stephen Harper to kick around anymore.

  51. You… you mean, they don't love me anymore???

  52. It's hard to go up against the titans not stephen colbert, danby, and seanstok (in that order). Maybe humour is a talent after all.

    But what the heck, what's a few minuses among friends…

    SH: "Okay, enough with the chit chat. Should we give Van Loan a wedgie? Larry, yes or no?"

  53. So I'll be B.A.Baracus and you'll be Hannibal, Peter gets to be Face, and everyone else can fight over Murdock's spot.

  54. High placed sources in Ottawa reveal that Peter Van Loan's staff spent the entire afternoon clicking "thumbs down" on every caption that mentioned the boss's name.

  55. Now let me make this very clear. If any of you make your own decision about anything, I won't be getting you to help out Port Au Prince, you'll be helping out *in* Port Au Prince.

  56. Button it Shemp!
    When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you

  57. "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse"

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