Caption Challenge Vol. 2, No. 4 - Macleans.ca
 

Caption Challenge Vol. 2, No. 4

Put your words in Van Loan’s mouth


 

Forgive the quality of the picture (it’s a screen grab) and the quality of the minister (it’s a Van Loan.)

None of this should stop you from regarding this image from outside Rideau Hall and making with the funny.


 

Caption Challenge Vol. 2, No. 4

  1. "Stop giving us a hard time about democracy denied or else this kid gets sacrificed to the prorogue gods"

  2. "Peter Van Loan introduces the newest Tory Senator, Jimmy, who has promised to resign on his 9th birthday, and to do whatever the nice man in the sweater asks of him".

  3. Apologies in advance, this is beyond tasteless: "I know your snipers are out there somewhere, Harper…"

  4. $20,000… going once…. going twice… sold! (quick honey… grab the loot and let's hoof it outta here!)

  5. Van Loan gave an uncharacteristically stirring speech…
    and the little guy's lips barely moved.

    • If only he had hired Feschuk-Reid to write the speech. Even the baby would have tears of admiration pouring down his cheeks.

    • Beaten to the no-moving-lips line by, oh, about 11 hours. Well done, Smith…

  6. Good ventriloquism is an art not a science as Petey and Petey would soon find out.

  7. For those of you who doubted the effectiveness of Conservative stimulus, I present to you…

  8. "Caught one!" – Peter Van Loan tries to prove he wasn't an incompetent Public Safety Minister by personally detaining the nearest skin-head and promptly demanding a life sentence.

  9. THE LIBERALS WANT TO ACCUSE THIS BABY OF WARCRIMES!! WE HAD TO PROROGUE!b

  10. "To my high school year book editors, who said i was most likely to never get laid – I present, exhibit A"

    • Congrats for the victory!!

  11. The Lost Dauphin!

  12. Van Loan announces that the Prime Minister will be sending Mini Me to all future press conferences.

  13. To the shock of many, Peter Van Loan reveals the cause of his swollen girth.
    John Baird could not be reached for questioning…..

  14. "For all those who doubted, I present to you one of the many, many Canadians who support the prorogue."

  15. "Take that, Jason Kenney!"

  16. Minister Van Loan shows the press gallery what he's having for lunch, today.

    • I can't believe we got this far down the thread before someone made the "Van Loan's about to eat that baby!!!" joke.

  17. "Introducing the new Minister for Distracting the Media from Real Issues, I give you Billy, the adorable press baby! He will take all your questions from now on."

  18. Scott,

    You are going to have a tough choice narrowing down to 5 for the vote this week. These are all pretty funny so far.

  19. "F*ck off, Van Loan. That ain't *my* diaper they smell."

    • Thnaks. Now I've got to start all over again!!

      • Great minds think alike, scatalogical ones all the more.

  20. i'll carefully select them the same way i always do: drunken archery

    • Sounds like a Harper cabinet shuffle.

    • It's not easy to be arch when drunk.

    • Nooooooooo! I was convinced my December victory was the result of a pinnacle of funny!

  21. What am I bid for this fine example of a programmable Conservative commentator robot?

  22. …Meanwhile, rallies in favour of prorogation consisted of Peter Van Loan, a baby, and possibly the infant's mother.

  23. Hey! Get your hand outta there! I am NOT a puppet!

  24. We're naming him "Turquoise."

  25. To celebrate the death of Canadian democracy, all Conservatives will now dress their children in Chairman Mao army jackets.

  26. Let me introduce you to the person that will helping me bring a more adult tone to my media appearances.

  27. Who doesn't love 'bring your kid to demotion' day?

  28. Peter Van Loan introduces the replacement for Peter Tinsley as chair for the Afghan Inquiry. Says Van Loan: "we feel that someone younger was needed to sort through this very complex issue, and the new chair was chosen to bring the inquiry to a fair and impartial resolution"

  29. Michael Jackson told me it was all in the wrist !

  30. International Trade Minister Peter Van Loan explains why Labour was not a ministerial portfolio he needed to broaden his cabinet experience.

  31. Ummm…. Peter, that isn't one of the Haitian orphans……

    Stop the Press Conference

  32. As part of their recalibration society, Peter Van Loan provides an example of who will be responsible for paying off the deficit — thus reassuring Canadians that they can safely vote for Conservative economic principles.

  33. Vanloan:

    "I know that right now you may not like some of the stuff we're doing…prorogation, and all that unimportent stuff . But these are the guys we're doing it for. So this little guy will never ever have to face the scurge of a liberal goverment again…that's who we're doing it for, for democracy and this little guy here, not us."

  34. Minister for International Trade Peter Van Loan addresses supporters outside Rideau Hall while an aide helps him reach the microphone.

  35. Peter Van Loan holds the Canadian public's nomination for a new Speaker of the House. Polls indicate that Canadians feel the new speaker will elevate the level of maturity and discourse in the House of Commons.

  36. "Mini-me, you complete me."

  37. It was a good day on the stump for Van Loan, until he mistakenly began kissing hands and shaking babies.

  38. This puppet is a lot easier to maneuver.

  39. Ladies and Gentlemen! I give you…Jack Layton!

  40. What the *@#$%!

    Stephen Harper has prorogued Winterlude?

  41. Look everyone! I just got me a cabbage patch kid too!

  42. … now, let's have breakfast.

  43. Vanloan""
    "
    Our new plan to revive the senate"
    .
    "Let me present the senator of the future ladies and gentlemen…yes, we've had Mike Duffy cloned!"

    [apologies to the kid]

  44. "With this year's lottery winner, we should yield our best harvest yet"

  45. Vanloan presents his new standin…while he's [cough] busy recalibrating.

    "Don't be shy folks. Ask him anything you like. He has the complete confidence of the Prime Minister."

  46. Barney held Pebbles high to watch Stockwell arrive on his dinosaur.

  47. Regrettably, nobody alerted the Conservatives that Swift's "Modest Proposal" was meant as satire, and thus their deficit elimination strategy was poorly received.

  48. Peter in a fit of fury over the loss of his perogies grabs a child … holding it hostage until facebook members delete their accounts … stay tuned … toddler interviewed after incident asks what prorogation means? News @ 11

  49. Consevatives successfully proruging…er recalibrating.

    3 months eh…Funny. I had to wait 9 months for mine to arrive.

    • er…proroguing…anyone else sick of that word yet?

  50. "One day, Simba, this will all be yours…"

  51. Behold, The Small Man of Confederation!

  52. hehe. There should be more Swift references on these pages.

  53. PMO Photographers / Rideau Hall – Left to right: Peter van Loan and Stephen Harper.

    After his cabinet changes were sworn in by the Governor General, Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced that along with a new portfolio, the president of the Treasury Board has a new name; "[Minster] Ga-Ga Day."

  54. We only wish.

  55. :-)

  56. (Baby) Hey you tech guy! Where's my teleprompter!?!

  57. "Sorry Mr. Duffy, I didn't know this was what they had planned when they started talking about shrinking the Senate."

  58. "I enjoyed my short tenure are Minister of International Trade, but Billy here was chosen to take over the position based on his expertise in testing Chinese toys for lead"

  59. See, proof that I am working and I make babies

  60. "Daddy, can you move your chins to your cheek like me?"

  61. This is a new low for MacLeans to encourage readers to mock children. Disgusting!!!! You have just lost my subscription.

  62. This *has* to make the top five. Easily the funniest entry of the day.

  63. Now that I've been 'promoted' to Minister of International Trade, I have made this baby my new deputy minister. Qualifications? Does beating me at Test the Nation: IQ count…?

  64. What is this "subscription?" I don't think we have those on my planet.

  65. "I will call him… Mini Loan."

  66. And for the low, low price of a $1000 donation in the next 15 minutes you too can get this … say what is it that I'm holding here?

  67. Barney held and Pebbles high to watch Stockwell arrive on his dinosaur.

  68. "This is the result of the last prorogation. No, he does not look like Mike Duffy!"

  69. See, it's true! All babies look like Peter Van Loan. Or whoever.

  70. LOL,

    I feel bad that Fay's comment is at -2. I think people are taking her comment seriously, but I can't imagine that her comment wasn't meant as a joke.

  71. It gets Coyne jealous if we do it too much.

    • lol

      Maybe he should change his handle…A O'Coyne…Irish enough?

  72. It might have been more apparent if she had put quotation marks around it, so people would know it was Van Loan saying it.

  73. "Welcome everyone to the first annual Budget Deficit Amelioration Auction. First item up for bidding is Scott Reid's first born son. Can we open the bidding at $5?"

  74. Peter Van Loan reenacts a scene from The Dead Zone.

  75. "The baby will be answering your questions about question period."

  76. Woman: Under Martin it would have been universal daycare, but with the Tories $100 a month this is all the childcare I can afford.

  77. Well, just like with Wells, sometimes it takes deliberation and a consensus before we reach the is-he-serious verdict…

  78. "No, I'm the dummy!" "No you're the dummy!" "No, I'm the dummy!" "No you're the dummy!"…..

  79. Vanloan:

    "Any offers on $10…c'mon folks,we do have a structural deficit to deal with you know"!

    [ouch!]

  80. van Loan: "I hate live props"

  81. "Vote for me or the baby gets it!"

  82. lady on the right: "So if that's Peter Van Loan, then who's the bald guy?!"

  83. "Believe me, we've got the HP sauce and the cilantro ready to go. If we don't have the majority we deserve by Friday, noon…"