Dear G8: There's something you need to know about Muskoka - Macleans.ca
 

Dear G8: There’s something you need to know about Muskoka


 

Just finished reading this piece about the 2010 G8 summit, which will be held at the Deerhurst Resort in Huntsville, Ont.

This past July, after dropping the kids at camp, we decided to spend a night at Deerhurst for fun-based reasons. Because I am a friend to all nations – especially the Italian nation, if saying so will help me get an invite to Berlusconi’s after-party – I offer this two-point guide to everything that G8 delegates need to know about the facility.

One: Best estimates indicate that the room in which we stayed was last decorated in 1978. This may seem irrelevant in the context of global diplomacy and economic co-operation, but I mention it just in case the summit results in an otherwise inexplicable move toward elements of that era, such as wage-and-price controls and Merkel adopting Farrah Fawcett hair. The raw power of the curtains alone had me craving fondue for days.

Two: Visitors to Deerhurst may acquire a flawed perspective on Canadian customs relating to goose poo.

To be specific, if one were to take an early morning stroll down to the waterfront at Deerhurst (as we did), one might come across a maintenance worker equipped with a shovel (as we did). Then one might see the maintenance worker use the shovel to scoop up ungodly amounts of Canada goose feces from the beach – and casually deposit it in the lake, right alongside the children’s swimming area.

Visitors should know this is not how Canadians typically deal with goose poo, preferring instead to accidentally step in it while golfing.


 
Filed under:

Dear G8: There’s something you need to know about Muskoka

  1. They should also be aware of black flies, mosquitoes and power outages caused by thunderstorms!

  2. Look, there's nothing wrong with the pastel greens and purples vomited across each room with a paintsprayer, and the charming red "brick" fireplaces make me want to curl up with a nice bottle of baby Duck and watch the Rene Simard show.

    Also, for the walk around the water? Cleats. Can't say it often enough.

    The Bar by the theater is quite the time warp, as well…

  3. Look, there's nothing wrong with the pastel greens and purples vomited across each room with a paintsprayer, and the charming red "brick" fireplaces make me want to curl up with a nice bottle of baby Duck and watch the rene Simard show.

    Also, for the walk around the water? Cleats. Can't say it often enough.

    The Bar by the theater is quite the time warp, as well…

    • Isn't that where Shania got her start?

      • It is, and there's some fabulous 80's photos up on the wall. The colours, dear god, the colours…

  4. In the lake WTF? that sh*t is so toxic!

    • Toxic, indeed! When are we going to start regulating where these flying Canadians poo? They shouldn't be allowed to spread their toxic stuff on land or in the water. No one is even addressing how this effects global warming. Thanks, man, for bringing this to the world's attention!

      • first, the problem in the post is that the worker is dumping the poo in the water, not where the geese drop it.

        second, Ontario, I believe already does regulate this. geese poo carries that trivia e.coli bacteria (you might have heard about it before?) and I believe public beaches are made to measure e.coli levels in the water and close when reaching a particular threshold.

        so the idea of dumping it into water, at a point adjacent to a kids beach seems like a bad idea, no?

        perhaps we ought to just use you as a test case, given how much of an ass you are and all.

      • first, the problem in the post is that the worker is dumping the poo in the water, not where the geese drop it.

        second, Ontario, I believe already does regulate this. geese poo carries that trivia e.coli bacteria (you might have heard about it before?) and I believe public beaches are made to measure e.coli levels in the water and close when reaching a particular threshold.

        so the idea of dumping it into water, at a point adjacent to a kids beach seems like a bad idea, no?

        perhaps we ought to just use you as a test case, given how much of an ass you are and all. it would help support survival of the fittest.