Dept. of Outta Here


Blogging will be sporadic, with gusts to non-existent, over the next two weeks. In my absence, please just assume that Mike Duffy continues to publicly demonstrate with his every word and action his complete and utter independence as a member of the upper chamber.

If that’s not enough to hold you, please work from the following broad themes that inform Feschuk on the Famous:

  • Stephen Harper is power-mad and lacks charisma.
  • Michael Ignatieff isn’t really a two-dimensional caricature of a politician, but he currently plays one on TV.
  • Jack Layton? Mustachioed.
  • Senators are old.
  • Kirstie Alley is fat.
  • Scarlett Johansson is pretty.
  • Charlie Sheen likes women.

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Dept. of Outta Here

  1. "Stephen Harper is power-mad and lacks charisma.

    Michael Ignatieff isn't really a two-dimensional caricature of a politician, but he currently plays one on TV.

    Jack Layton? Mustachioed."

    A nice snapshot of the Liberal mindset, that. Translation:

    1. After 3 and half years in power, Stephen Harper continues to confound expectations and is still in the driver's seat.

    2. Our guy has to take up his game a notch or two if we're going to be able to unseat the Conservatives. I beleive our guy can take his game up a notch or two, I beleive, I wish, I hope….

    3. The less said about the NDP the better, how we wish they were irrelevant so let's treat them as if they were. They are a hindrance to the Liberal Party's aspirations for power. Principles are for losers. Principles are something you pretend you have so you can get NDP votes until you jettison them upon the attainment of the prize, political power, usually 48 hours after any given election.

    • Oh, sweetie, you're just too adorable!

    • jarrid has brought his game to a whole new level these past few days.

  2. I really like you, Scott, but every time you (and Weineman) go for the easy fat women jokes, I cringe. I think you've managed to get Kirstie Alley into your column at least twice in the past week, maybe even three times.

    I want to believe you're better than that. I ask you to please leave the fat women alone — it just seems bullying to pick on former beauties cum plumpies, and they're already suffering enough for it. Unfortunately for them, we can all see their weaknesses; poor girls would fare better as alcoholics or druggies.

    I can honestly say I've never heard any such comments from Wells, O'Malley or Wherry.

    Have a good vacation, and please be kind.

    • I'm embarrassed. Two Kirstie Alley fat jokes in the past week alone? I'm obviously slipping. Back in my prime, I'd have had three or four, easy.

      I appreciate your candour, MJ, but in all honesty I'm not better than that. I'm just not. I enjoy and appreciate a good fat joke, especially when directed at a celebrity who has made money both by gaining weight (the Fat Actress series) and by losing it (the Jenny Craig campaign.)

      So I'm being as upfront as I can – continue to read this blog and you will encounter more fat jokes. You just will. If that's not your thing, then I totally respect that. Govern yourself accordingly.

      • Well, you're honest enough to respond, so thanks for that — and I'm sure I'll keep reading because you entertain me.

        So I'll read but cringe for poor Kirsty.

        But you just wait: next time you go for the cheap fat girl joke here, you'll have twinges — nay spasms — of guilt and ask yourself, "What Would Patchouli Do?"

    • "I think you've managed to get Kirstie Alley into your column at least twice in the past week"

      I'm impressed anyone can fit Kirstie Alley into ANYTHING anymore.

  3. Scott, if you have room in your cooler for one small mind, you could take Jarrid with you.

    Yes ?

    Please ?

    • Cooler heads rarely prevail.

  4. It might seem like cheering a certain party on is great.. something like cheering your hockey team on.. and it might even make some feel like they belong and give them a sense of team spirit but in actual fact party politics, or as I like to call it "the good old boys club", is a very bad political system for governing a country and can lead to bribbery corruption, kick backs and worse as we have already seem. A much better , perhaps less flashy political system would involve every member of parliament running as an independent MP who could vote his own conscience and not have to follow strick party policies. That isnt to say there wouldn't still be a few bad apples but the good old boys club would be gone thank god. There would be no team to cheer on but perhaps we could all cheer about a better life style, more jobs for the unemployed and less corruption in government. It would be a nice change to see a few honest MP's switch to independent and a few more new candidates running against the pack. Political reform is desperately needed. Pass the word if you agree.

    • No parties? No leaders? Just 308 independent individuals running the country?

      • There could still be a leader chosen by the people from among the more respected independent members but we don't need partys, (we absolutely don't need partys)

        • I think it would devolve to parties anyway, like Survivor, there would be "alliances." I remember Garth Turner when he was sitting as and indie said that they aren't allowed to raise funds like the party candidates can. There were reasons he joined the Liberals, and I don't think he was fascinated by Stephane Dion, although he stuck by him, to be fair.

          • Yes , you are right . If we allow mob rule (party rule) then the old ways would return. Our political system is like several gangs all fighting for territory. A power struggle that wasts time and energy. By passing a couple of new rules and making a few simple amendments to the constitution we could change all that.

    • I agree, though I have to admit I'm not immediately clear on what this has to do with Feschuk taking a vacation from Charlie Sheen jokes.

      • He is not taking a vacation from Charlie Sheen jokes, just from telling them to us in this blog. I'd bet that the Charlie Sheen jokes, and all of the other ones noted above (with the possible exception of the Kirstie Alley fat jokes due to the possibility of Patchouli twinging/spasming), are pretty much the sum total of what he'll be doing on his vacation. In between Cheez Whiz binging sessions, of course. Enjoy your blog-free time, Scott.

    • This is actually the strongest argument against any form of public subsidy for political parties (both of the per-vote variety and of the tax-credit variety)

      That said, I'd still like to see a public subisidy for political candidates.

  5. So are we being challenged to write our best Scott Feschuk blog?

  6. Nothing about the robots?

    Has there been some anti-robot victory I'm unaware of, or are we just keeping quiet and letting sleeping dogs lie while we secretly prepare our battle plans without talking about it publicly (and if so, did I just inadvertently seal our doom?!?!?).

    • Yes, you did.