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election08: caption challenge #3


 

It’s the weekend. I’m supposed to be writing a speech for an important client. But you know what’s more fun than writing a speech for an important client? Not doing that. So instead I’ve been… scouring the interweb for photographs of politicians! (Hang on, there’s a knock at the door – probably the fun police coming to stop me from hoarding the world’s supply of good times.)

Three men. Three poses. Three opportunities to write captions of an amusing yet slyly insightful nature. Go.

(Winner announced Monday afternoon. Captions can be for individual photos or for the unholy trinity. Maclean’s has generously donated a small budget for tasteful prizes, so I’m heading out right now to stock up at the place in the mall where they sell those Old Fart hats.)


 

election08: caption challenge #3

  1. 1. The plane! The plane! Let me on The PLANE!

    2. When asked to explain his party’s website attack on Liberal Leader Stephane Dion, Prime Minister Harper replied “Look, it’s a very cute bird, and its poop is completely organic. I say no harm no fowl.”

    3. Jack Layton shows off his improved range of motion after a free adjustment at the Canadian Chiropractor Association convention in Toronto.

  2. Harper: And he was like, ‘whoa’, and I was like- ‘Dude! Careful!’ And next thing you know, I’m Prime Minister!

  3. 1. Hey, Guys! Over here! Leader of the Liberals! I’m right here!
    Guys!
    Guys?

  4. Scott,

    I am paying you big bucks for that speech. Get back to work and stop blogging.

  5. 1. I have no chance!

    2. So then I says to her, I says “so, you like handcuffs?”

    3. Nanoo-nanoo

  6. The Good. The Bad. And the Ugly.

  7. 1 – “The fish was this Big”, Dion said to his supporters.

    2 – “I told Dion to fish or cut Bait, and he actually went fishing. It wasn’t bad either, the fish was about this big”, said Harper to loud cheers and laughs.

    3 – “I can’t wait for my swearing-in ceremony”, said an excited Layton, with one hand raised.

  8. (1)- See! h’I tol’ you. No sweat!

    (2)- In Halifax. “they love me! They really love
    me!”

    (3)- “How ’bout them Jays! But,seriously, folks.
    In the kitchen…”

  9. Simon says: “Show us what happens when you remove the backpack”

    Simon says: “Show us parts of your body that have never had callouses”

    Simon says: “Show us a new idea in a thought bubble”

  10. 1: “It’s fun to stay at the Y…”

    2: “Do you think it’s easy being an abrasive douchebag?”

    3: “I swear to God, if you don’t high-five me RIGHT NOW…”

  11. 1. Speaking to the Vancouver chapter of the Friends of William Blake, Liberal leader Stéphane Dion gives his impression of the artist’s “Glad Day.”

    2. At a Harper rally in Montreal, Brian Mulroney (foreground) struggled to distance himself from Prime Minister Stephen Harper.

    3. Jack Layton, campaigning in Halifax at the Canadian Workers’ Trekker Assoc., failed to achieve the Vulcan Salute.

  12. Layton – God I’m cool, I’m Canada’s Obama, I love me and you should love me too – is there a mirror around here?

    Dion – with me you can reach for the stars.

    Harper – come to me my children, be saved.

  13. Picture #1: “Officer, you have the wrong guy. Please, it was those other Liberals who stole millions from the taxpayers.”

    Picture #2: “…and then I ate the bowl.”

    Picture #3: “Wheee! I can make an airplane with my right hand. Vrooomm!”

  14. Picture 1: Stephane Dion wows the crowd by imitating the grizzly bear he defeated with his bear hands while on one of his signature grueling snow-shoe hikes.

    Picture 2: Stressing his sensitive side, Stephen Harper regales the partisan crowd of supporters on the time he cried like a girl after stepping on an ant when he was 4.

    Picture 3: At a Bicycle Manufacturing plant, in front of adoring eyes and the cheers of hundreds of unionized employees, Layton signals a right turn.

  15. What’s missing from these pictures that would give each politician instant credibility?

    1. An actual audience.
    2. A baby.
    3. Handlebars on that mustache.

  16. HARPER: “Check out the guy above me. Now check out the guy below me. What, me worry?”

  17. Update on the effects of campaign stress…

    1. Stephane Dion gets caught up in the moment and leaps – rock star style – into the waiting arms of Ignatieff, Rae and Kennedy. No word yet from doctors on the extent of Dion’s injuries…

    2. Stephen Harper briefly goes “off message”: “Folks, imagine I’m holding two steaming piles of s**t here in my hands. That’s pretty much what we’re promising the voters. Which is why I’ll be laughing my ass off when we win this thing!”

    3. Jack Layton announces that his right hand has been appointed as communications advisor for the NDP election team. Befuddled crowd then treated to awkward amateur ventriloquism display where a cheeky ‘Mr. Digits’ makes lewd comments about Elizabeth May…

  18. Jack Layton: “Somebody call the plumber because these pipes are about to burst!”

  19. Harper: Please give me a hug! I am warm and fuzzy now! (Where the hell is my blue sweater vest?!?!?)

  20. or Harper: “Anyone want to play chess?”

  21. Having decided to use the persuasive power of musical theatre in their campaigns:

    1. ‘Come on babe, we’re gonna walk to work… and cut the gas! A bike would also do, you could try horseback too… just cut the gas!’

    2. ‘Please vote for me Canadians…’

    3. ‘Oh what a beautiful forearm, slap my hand, please make my day. I’ve got a beautiful feeling, votes may be coming my way!’

    *Apologies to ‘All that Jazz,’ ‘Don’t Cry for me Argentina,’and ‘Oh What a Beautiful Morning’ for using your melodies.

  22. 3) Little brat frowned at me.

  23. HARPER: So I sez to Danny Williams, Danny, you can wish in this hand, and sh*t in *this* hand, and see which one fills up first….

  24. 1. Look everyone! The puffin missed me!

    2. Sure we shot down the puffin and the sparrow, but trust me, I still like birds.

    3. Really? Descendant of Marx, eh? Well, I salute you, comr– (awkward reversal mid-salute, as he is told it is Groucho, not Karl)

  25. (although, if MYL has a vote on this, it goes to Neo’s pithy yet all-inclusive single quote of the incumbent from this AM).

  26. 1.Stéphane Dion:God Of Of Rock’n’Roll

    2.Rt.Hon.Stephen Harper demonstrates the size of his alien love child.

    3.Getting out the Vulcan soicalist vote proved harder for Mr.Layton then anticipated.

  27. 1. I so excited, I jus can T hide it, I vawn ta vin, I vawn ta win the Eee Lection!

    2. I don’t know where those Harper signs came from, I didn’t think there was going to be an election until 2009, honest!

    3. At the Star Trek convention, Jack tries his hardest to produce the Vulcan salute. I looks like he is going to burst a vessel in his neck trying. Which begs the question, what is Jack doing at the Start Trek convention without his ears?

  28. Harper: ” I did not have sex with that woman…”

  29. I’m just concerned that the Greenies and pseudo-feminists are going to complain yet again on the exclusion of May from the caption contest. What does she have to convert another MP that was kicked out of the caucus for questionable financial practices?

  30. (completing the trinity)
    1) Her tits were this big!
    2) He had balls like this.

  31. 1. Look folks, I understand that no one understands my Green Shift, hell neither do I but we’re better off not knowing what we’ll do than not knowing what Harper will do.
    2.What? Come on, you don’t really need to know anyways do you? And if you know, I’ll just change it later, so just shut up and vote for me.
    3.I’m much better at faking being human than those other guys, look at me, I give high fives. Take that you piano playing, dead eyed, canoeing…

  32. (1) – Dion takes strategists comments about the need for a ‘hail mary play’ a tad too literally.

  33. LAYTON
    Never has the white man’s overbite looked more disturbing.

  34. Layton: And as for those boardroom table guys? My strategy will focus on arm-wrestling smackdowns. Every day. Yeah!! Right here! That’s from the kitchen table, suckuh!! In your face!!

  35. thanks for playing everyone. some good entries in there. i’m going to have to give it to Neo, though, because i’m powerless to resist a well-executed alfred e. neuman reference.

    neo, send me your address via email.

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