election08: caption challenge #4


Know how I know things are going great in Canada? Stephen Harper no longer feels compelled at every opportunity to ask God to pitch in with making our country more awesome. The Conservative leader used to end all his speeches by saying, “God bless Canada!” But then suddenly he stopped doing that.

And since he couldn’t possibly have stopped doing that simply because he’s in an election campaign and he’s desperately trying to get a majority and he’s made the callous strategic decision not to alienate the segments of the electorate that a) don’t believe in God; b) believe in God but don’t want their politicians invoking or being guided by God, and c) believe God shouldn’t lose focus on determining the outcome of professional sporting events and home pregnancy tests, then Harper must have stopped because even the blessing of God Almighty could not make Canada any better than it is right now. This is as good as it’s going to get, people!

Also, it’s a well-known fact that God does not listen to the prayers of men in sweater vests. Look it up – it’s right there in the Letter of Paul to the Haberdashers.

Anyhoo, there was talk of a caption challenge, was there not? Here’s one pregnant with possibility (don’t worry – in deference to the subject of the photograph, we’ll allow the possibility pregnancy to come to term)…

Write your witty caption below. The winner, as judged by Ottawa Citizen political columnist Joanne Chianello, shall receive a sweater vest. Seriously. You pick the size but, since God’s not busy blessing Canada, I’m going to ask Him to pick the colour.


election08: caption challenge #4

  1. if he’s not here in two minutes, i swear to god i’m going to punch godot in the face.

  2. “Let me see. I’ve worn a gay cowboy vest and a blue grampa sweater vest. Now I’m wearing this God awful Canadian Klan hat. What’s next? A Jacques LeCoq speedo?”

  3. Where the hell *is* Jason Kenney? This game of Stratego isn’t going to play itself…

  4. OK, looks like the caucus meeting is over. Thanks for all your ideas. I’ll take them into consideration.

  5. It’s lonley at the top.

  6. In an effort to look much taller than the opposition party leaders, Prime Minister Harper is seen here shortly after having a Canadian flag surgically attached to his back, pole and all, literally giving himself the ability to wrap himself in the flag.

    The manufacturer states that this model has a built-in parasol function, where it can essentially create a large tent, making him a very functional, and fun, party leader. The manufacturer also stated that this model is compatible with sweater vests.

  7. Mr. Lonely has nobody to call his own…

  8. *Sigh* Where is Mansbridge? Peter and his lip better get a move on. *Looks at watch* Oh damn, I’m missing Deal or No Deal.

  9. “OK…. new gaffe in 5…4….3…2…1…and ok Kenny you’re up!”

  10. Do I have enough time to transform into cuddly Canadian?

  11. “I can count the amount of blunders I have made today on my watch”

  12. Ok, two more minutes and you can tell the RCMP to release the pinkos, er, journalists.

  13. “I thought my majority supposed to be here by now!”

  14. “Where’s the piano ? I wanna play Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money”.

  15. “Things better get started, I’ve only got 30 minutes before the potion wears off and my heart returns to ice.”

  16. I suppose a Conservative fundraiser at the Danny Williams fan club wasn’t the best idea ever…

  17. Two more minutes and I’ll set the world’s record for sitting in one place appearing cold and lifeless!

  18. I say the Godot reference should win. Classic.

  19. Mr. Harper at the first annual “Harper Admiration Society” meeting.

  20. “Do you think it is easy choosing a new Cabinet?”

  21. I’m with Marilyn. The “Godot” line, though having nothing to do with the election, is hilarious.

  22. “My psychic stylist said this Patti Labelle hair treatment would be real edgy.”

  23. Hee-Hee. Watch is shiny!

  24. OK, Kyoto. You keep Inspector Gadget Dion out of trouble, and I’ll save the Country. Just don’t let him use his gadget snowshoes again.

  25. Prime Minister Harper ponders whether he’s ready to let Ryan Sparrow finish his time-out.

  26. This contest was over after the Godot reference.

  27. Mr. Harper prepares for the interview by meeting with the full compliment of those advisers that he listens to and whom he believes to be his intellectual peers.

  28. “You’d think I called a confidence vote on this interview.”

  29. Hmm…time to take my happy pill…

  30. Well, its official, exactly three whole days with a campaign screw up.

    What? Ritz said that? Seriously? Crap, how do I reset this thing?

  31. Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody care?

  32. It’s 4:09pm, though perhaps later by the time you’re reading this. Post a comment and find out!

  33. Joanne Chianello, our special guest judge for today’s challenge, writes:

    “While I congratulated myself on recognizing Neo’s quasi-perfect reference to Beckett’s Godot, I’m going to have to go with Mike Moffatt’s LOL entry: ‘Where the hell is Jason Kenney? This game of Stratego isn’t going to play itself.’

    Bravo Mike!”

    I smell controversy a-brewin’!

    Mike, please send me your address and sweater vest size via email. Soon you will be easily mistaken for the prime minister of canada.

    good luck with that.

  34. Where is that little wimp Dion..

  35. So this is what the only Liberal will feel like on October 15th – a party of one

  36. E-mail sent… I can’t believe I won.

    I already have too much in common with Stephen Harper (we both have MAs in Economics, for instance), so I don’t feel the need to be *more* like him. But I’ll proudly wear the sweater vest – and send pics!

  37. My fellow Americans…

  38. “A picture of a Conservative cabinet meeting”

  39. Alright… Almost 4:20!

  40. “Geezus, Lloyd’s been in the can for half-an-hour!”

    Yes, I’m going to Hell for that one.

  41. (thinking) “Ok, timing me holding my breath …. and, go!”

  42. “C-A-S-I-O … huh.”

  43. Wow! Looks like it’s time to kick some Liberhell ass!

  44. Stephan Dion said he’d be here at 1 PM. Guess his plane was delayed again…. must be spewing too much carbon.

  45. …where’s my watch?

  46. “Well it’s about the time of day for Stéphane to announce the new Liberal Party priority.

  47. “Where the hell is my mechanic?”

  48. The Fuhrer in the Reichschancellery

  49. And curtain in 5 … 4 … 3 … Harper ready … 2 … Lights … And we have a Harper Majority! Well done team, now shut up and let me bask in the glow of admiration from Dub-Ya down in the USofA!

  50. Oh my! My good buddy President Bush is late…when will he be here I wonder…I don’t know to do now?

  51. “What time is it? Hmmm….I guess I could head home to toss around the baseball with my son. …OR… I could meet up with the boyz at Slap N’ Tickle….”

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