election08: caption challenge #6 (special owen lippert memorial edition)


On the surface, a piece of cake, right? Stephane Dion at the bedside of some dummy? This is a fat pitch right down the middle and destined for the bleachers of high comedy, right?


Except that in honour of the Conservative Leader, this caption challenge is restricted to lines of dialogue taken – ie. plagiarized – from the movies, TV or other aspects of popular culture. Make sure the line has been said before. Bonus points if it was said by an Australian.

Winner gets a Barack Obama action figure. All participants get a sense of what it’s like to be Prime Minister of Canada.

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election08: caption challenge #6 (special owen lippert memorial edition)

  1. he’s dead, jim

  2. “I’m hopelessly devoted to you,” you being the main plank of the platform, showing about as much life as the subject in the foreground.

  3. I don’t make things complicated, that’s the way they get all by themselves.

    Original from Mel Gibson

  4. “They say people don’t believe in heroes anymore. Well, damn them! You and me, Max, we’re gonna give ’em back their heroes! ”

    either cribbed from Owen Lippert’s high school annual, or Mad Max (1977)… If you say it to the tune of ‘Waltzin Matilda’ it kinda sounds cute almost!

  5. “That thing there, that’s not the Goose. No way.” – Mel Gibson, Mad Max

  6. “You have the right to remain unconscious. Anything you say ain’t gonna be much.”

  7. What we have here is a failure to communicate”

    – in honour of Paul Newman, Cool Hand Luke

  8. “Hey, can you confirm a rumor for me? Is it true that her real name is Ralph?”
    – The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

  9. …..quite tasty , if you boil it long enough ….

    Bush Tucka Guy .
    BTW , I’m quoting the dummy . ( any bonus points for Bush ? )

  10. Sorry , I meant the guy lying down .

  11. Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the fjords.

    PININ’ for the FJORDS? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?

  12. “There is, you’ll agree, a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ oh, so very special about a firm, young carrot”

    Withnail and I


    “It’s just one of those days when you’re feeling a little…dead.”

    Shaun of the Dead

  13. -Why doesn’t he want me?
    -He’s just looking for something that doesn’t exist anymore.
    -A new leader? They exist.

    (Whale Rider)

  14. “Who’s that jolly jumbuck you’ve got in your tucker bag?”

    From Waltzing Matilda

  15. “Sheet! H’All I can see eez female impersonateurs

    Dion actually doing a line from “Priscila, Queen of the Desert.”

    S’truth. I’ve seen it.

  16. Dion: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do.

    Woman: What’s that?

    Dion: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

  17. “When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to ABBA songs. But since I’ve met you and moved to Sydney, I haven’t listened to one Abba song. That’s because my life is as good as an Abba song. It’s as good as Dancing Queen.”

    Muriel’s Wedding

  18. [explaining what happened to the journalist who tried ask Harper a second question…]

    “Because when they strike it can be that quick that if they’re within range, you’re dead, you’re dead in your tracks. And his head weighs more than my body so it’s WHACK!”
    (Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter)

    (this is just for fun – my house can’t hold any more hope or vision)

  19. i hope Owen Lippert has the stamina to outrun the hounds of hell which will be chasing him for the next 6 months. 2 words of advice:

    media people are not your friends
    turn it into a positive as a public speaker on the university tour on the dangers of not sleeping/working for gov’t/dealing with tight deadlines
    get married in quebec and change your last name to your wife’s

    good luck buddy – everyone’s done it.

  20. should read “tried TO ask Harper”

  21. Dion to patient:

    “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.”

    JFK inaugural speech
    1955 Pulitzer Prize winning “author” of Profiles in Courage

  22. Dion to dummy:
    “We’re telling a story. The rumba is the dance of love. Look at me like you’re in love. ”
    — Strictly Ballroom

  23. The woman:
    Look, you gotta ask yourself one question: do I feel lucky?
    Do ya, punk?

  24. “I’m scared, Fif. It’s that rat circus out there, I’m beginning to enjoy it. Look, any longer out on that road and I’m one of them, a terminal psychotic, except that I’ve got this bronze badge that says that I’m one of the good guys.”

    – Mad Max

  25. Just walk away ….. we can put a stop to all of this …. just walk away .

  26. Dion: “I can’t wait for the debates. Two men enter; one man leaves!”

  27. Dion: What are they?

    Researcher: Sentient programs. They can move in and out of any software still hard wired to their system. That means that anyone we haven’t unplugged is potentially an agent. This model is Stephen. Stephen Harper.

    Adapted from The Matrix
    A conversation between Neo and Morpheus

  28. “Luke – I am your father”

    Empire Strikes back

  29. “This one looks a lot like my campaign!”

  30. Personae non gratae: Hospital + Stephane Dion=

    “The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom.”

    -Arthur Schopenhauer

  31. Everyone dies. Not everyone lives.

    (Spoken by Mel Gibson playing William Wallace in Braveheart).

  32. “I told you, the food here is not to be taken internally!”

    -Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

  33. [Noting rigor mortis has set in]

    “That’s not a knife.”

  34. “A fella–a quick fella–moight haf a weapon unda there. Oi’d haf ta pin his head to the panel.”

    Gyro captain
    Road Warrior

  35. “Nobody puts Baby in the corner!”

  36. “Bueller? … Bueller? … Bueller?”

  37. [this is the dummy in the bed speaking]

    “i see dead people.”

  38. “From my observation, the interaction between the police and this individual, who didn’t appear to me to be posing a danger to anybody at the time … was 24 seconds, roughly, before he was tasered.”

    Walter Kosteckyj, G&M Oct 25, 2007

  39. Prince George: Ah, good on you, sir. And don’t talk to me about infirmity. Why, sir, you are the hardy stock that is the core of Britain’s greatness. You have the physique of a demigod. Purple of cheek, and plump of fatlock, the shapely ankle and the well-filled trouser that tells of a human body in perfect working order.

    Edmund: (checking the man’s pulse) He’s dead, sir.

    Prince George: Dead?

    Edmund: Yes, Your Highness.

    Prince George: Oh, what bad luck — we were rather getting on…

    Edmund: We must move at once.

    Prince George: In which direction?

    (“Blackadder II: Dish and Dishonesty”, with Rowan Atkinson as Blackadder and Hugh Laurie as The Prince)

  40. When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to ABBA songs. But since I’ve met you and moved to Sydney, I haven’t listened to one Abba song. That’s because my life is as good as an Abba song. It’s as good as Dancing Queen.
    -Muriel’s Wedding

  41. Dion: This man has to be gotten to a hospital!

    Woman: A hospital? What is it?

    Dion: It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.


  42. “Two beers, Ida. One for me, and one for me mate.”

    Crocodile Dundee

  43. That’s okay, they have free health care… I’m rich!

    (The Simpsons, “The BArt Wants What the Bart Wants”)

  44. “Consider this a divorce”

    (Total Recall)

  45. “Traveling in a fried-out combie
    On a hippie trail, head full of zombie
    I met a strange lady, she made me nervous
    She took me in and gave me breakfast”

    Land Down Under by Men at Work
    (okay, it doesn’t make sense, but neither does he half the time)

  46. “Let me hear your body talk.”

    Olivia Newton-John from “Physical”

  47. “Alas, poor Cyborg CDF-34298 (“Stephen Harper”)! I knew him well, Horatio!”

    I thought I’d try some meta-plagiarism.

  48. Woman(Sue Charlton): Is it dead?
    Dion (Michael J. “Crocodile” Dundee): Well, if it isn’t, it’ll be a helluva job skinning the bastard.
    -Crocodile Dundee

  49. Neo wins…LOL!

  50. “Just look at the face: it’s vacant, with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who’s lost a bet.”

    – Shaun of the Dead

  51. “Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”

    Blanche DuBois,
    A Streetcar Named Desire

  52. “It isn’t what they say about you, it’s what they whisper.”

    – Errol Flynn

  53. “This. Everything. What if none of it really exists? What if it’s like some big experiment and we’re like ants trapped in a giant petri dish? What if there is a greater intelligence out there and its creating everything purely as a way of stop us going insane on them? What if nothing really exists until we sense it? My room doesn’t exist ’til I walk into it. Front yard doesnt exist ’til I experience it. You don’t exist.”

    From “He Died with a Felafel in His Hand” (2001)

  54. “That is the ultimate nightmare”

    Spoken by BOTH former Australian Prime Minister, John Howard (18 March 2003) and by Stephen Harper (20 March, 2003).

  55. “What we have here is a failure to communicate”

  56. Sorry Sysyphus, I did not read the comments before submitting mine. I should however win because I copied you and that is the whole point of this excercise right Scott? However, if pressed, I vote for the one submitted by Peter as his words were originally spoken by an Australian.

  57. “Play it again Steve” stolen and changed from H. Bogart.

  58. S’okay, Ron. You’re right. You win on style points for your second comment.

  59. The thing I can’t stand about you mate is you’re always so bloody cheerful.

    — Frank Dunne (Mel Gibson), Gallipoli

  60. Overwhelmed by the fine quality of the entries, i turned to Sean S., a past winner of the Caption Challenge, to render a verdict. Here is his report in full:

    Crikey Scott,

    A fair dinkum bunch of entries here.

    (I don’t even know what ‘fair dinkum’ means, so I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone.)

    First, honourable mentions to: Archangel, john g., Bill D. Cat, jwl, skinny dipper, all the music references, and Liv2cr8 (not on topic, but bat-shit crazy works for me).

    Second, massive shudders to Paul Wells (Now I gotta picture Dion dancing, talking, and goodness knows what, with that dummy. Thanks.)

    It’s between Ian and Say WHAAT?! Both are funny. But Ian’s is from New Zealand, and makes me think too hard. Perhaps worse, SW’s alerts us to the fact that someone has assembled a bunch of Russell Crowe quotations in one place (can the ‘end of the age’ be far behind?). I choose SW, because I laughed the most upon reading : “I am a specialist in unrequited love.”

    I’m off to watch The Wiggles with my kids now…

    Scott here again: SW, send me your address via email, and the Obama action figure shall find its way to you.

  61. I blame my movie script writers for another loss.

  62. I would like to share this award with Russell Crowe.

  63. I’m waiting for Scott to offer an elephant. Bart Simpson won an elephant. Some dude from Newmarket, Ontario accidently got a couple of elephants one night.

    “I want an elephant!”

  64. I lose again, but as I tell my grandson after a tough hockey game loss…”You win by trying”. Bring on the next one.

  65. “Come with me if you want to live”, Arnold Schwartzneger, from Terminator 2

  66. Ed… Australian, not Austrian.

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