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election08: caption challenge #9


 

You know by now how this works: See picture. Add words to make it funny. Worldwide praise and global fame ensue. Also possibly an influential ambassadorial role of some kind.

In recognition of the dwindling of the 2008 campaign and of our collective patience for the words “sweater,” “kitchen table” and “Mr. Feschuk, please stop hurling those eggs at John Baird’s house,” the prize this time will have an estimated retail value of at least $50 – a sum so vast it will not only bring pleasure and sexual opportunities to the winner, but may also be cited by the G-7 finance ministers as the solution to the credit panic.

Results announced Monday.


 

election08: caption challenge #9

  1. Scott,

    Do you really want people to make fun of senior citizens?

    Gord.

  2. Stephen Harper, a man only these dear pensioners could love.

  3. Things get rowdy at a meeting of the Conservative Youth.

  4. We’ve been here a long time. When is Dean’s train coming ?

  5. If this caption wins, don’t give me the prize, give it to Bruce Anderson at Harris/Decima, who wrote it. Although I’m not sure some people will find this caption all that hilarious:

    “The Conservatives have been recovering lost ground among urban and female voters. Their gains among women have occurred among women over 35, at the expense of both the Liberals and the NDP.”

  6. Grace, doesn’t he remind you of a young R.B. Bennett? Those were the days.

  7. And it’s not just his Mom who provides Harper with the best possible advice. Meet the rest of his team:

    Advisor on the arts: Mrs. Penelope, his first piano teacher. “Stephen, stop bailing out those banks and get back to your scales!”

    Advisor on the Environment: Aunt Betty, who has the most amazing knack of growing African Violets. “Coffee grounds. Everything grows better if you mix in some coffee grounds with the soil.”

    On Justice: Arlene, who works in the parliament cafeteria. “The strap, Stephen. We need to be whapping some sense into these young hoodlums. Cookie, dear?”

    Advisor for Trade and Industry: Mrs. Henry, who used to live next door to him. Greener industry? “waste not, want not!”. More efficient workforce? “a stitch, in time, saves nine”.

  8. “Poll: Leaders Sex Appeal to Play Deciding Factor in Election.”

  9. “Vote for change!”

  10. Someone already asked if this is what you really want to be doing here.

    It bears repeating.

    Using this photo of senior women, senior Conservative women, who actually care enough to actually get out into the fray to listen, seems a tad suspect.

    Yes, they can choose sides from a base of experience. Go ladies!

    Yes, they will have more probable clout, financially, to contribute to an election. Yay, ladies!

    Yes, it says something more about your posting of their pic, and mostly it says, hmmmm, there seems to be a mocking of these women, in there somewhere.

    GOOOO LADIES!!!

    You show how you care enough, to care enough, about where this country is going for your families!!!

  11. “I knit my late husband that same sweatervest.”

  12. Oct 14th 2058- Eunice, Bernice, Gertrude and Mable were 20 years old when they first got involved in the Conservative party. The 4 women now wait anxiously for the election results to tell them if the Harperbot will finally win his long promised majority.

  13. “Wait a minute girls…this isn’t Casino Rama!!!!”

  14. C’mere Stevie – I’m gonna stick this sign where the sun don’t shine!

  15. “I can’t wait for Gerry Ritz to take the stage… I hear he has some great one-liners on nursing homes.”

  16. Scott,

    I’ll repeat the question, care to answer.

    Do you really want people to make fun of senior citizens?

    Gord.

  17. Gord,

    Allow me to answer for Scott.

    Yes.

    Mike

  18. “Do you really want people to make fun of senior citizens?”

    I want to make fun of *everybody*. Double so to Conservatives. Are you suggesting I should discriminate against people based on their age?

  19. Gord,

    Allow me to answer for Scott.

    Yes.

    Mike

    Scott’s a big boy now, he can answer for himself.

    Gord.

  20. Hey, Gord. I actually got my first senior’s discount last month. Really. I’m laughin’.

  21. Yes, South Park rule, you can’t pick and choose what to make fun of once you start making fun of everything.

    “Steven is a good boy, but he has nothing on Louis George Harper, now THERE was a politician!”

    (go look it up.)

  22. comment by Sisyphus on Saturday, October 11, 2008 at 2:08 pm:

    Hey, Gord. I actually got my first senior’s discount last month. Really. I’m laughin’.

    So what’s you point?

    Gord.

  23. Oh, gord. I actually didn’t expect people to make fun of the ladies. I expected them to use the photo of the ladies to make fun of politicians. Which is mostly what they’re doing. But sure, making fun of old people is fine, too. My grandma does it all the time.

  24. comment by scott feschuk on Saturday, October 11, 2008 at 2:13 pm:

    Oh, gord. I actually didn’t expect people to make fun of the ladies. I expected them to use the photo of the ladies to make fun of politicians. Which is mostly what they’re doing. But sure, making fun of old people is fine, too. My grandma does it all the time.

    Thanks for clearing that up, did your gramdma see the post?

    Gord.

  25. Which one of us is supposed to be Mrs. Harper again? You know, that guy’s mother?

  26. Why are we smiling, Martha ?!

    Seen your portfolio lately ?

    Bad. But I’m buyin’!

    This is not a smile.

  27. If you like my bookmark you should see the book that comes with it.

  28. What’s in a name?

    The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight.

    Gord.

  29. Conservative Rally? Mildred, I thought those nice gentlemen in dark suits were putting us o a bus to a ‘casino in Bali’. “Oh well, come on Snake Eyes!”

  30. . . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “Hitting upon the Mother Load: We have really been there and done that!”

  31. . . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “I bet he eats it…”

    Gord.

  32. . . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “He was so ugly, his mother would hang a porkchop around his neck, just so the dogs would play with him …”

    Gord.

  33. . . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “Remember how his grandma was always making fun of old people…..”

    Gord.

  34. Your right Scott,

    it’s fun making fun of people.

    Gord.

  35. … while thinking of Gord G the four ladies muse “Wow! He’s a way bigger jackass than Harper!”

  36. . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “It’s a pity they used him in that experiment for Artificial Stupidity…..”

  37. Binder,

    I feel sorry for you having to live without a sense of humour.

  38. . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “Wasn’t he always playing in Binder’s pants…..”

    Gord.

  39. Gord,

    I don’t know the boys Binder or Scott Feschuk, so what can I say?

    :)

  40. . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “He always had his hands under the table…..”

    Gord.

  41. ….and before doing so he had washed them, of course!

  42. . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “I let him look at my Eaton’s catalogue one time and the pages were all stuck together after…….”

  43. Human cloning gone awry.

  44. . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “I caught him undressing my daughters Barbie….”

  45. . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “I caught him undressing Ken…..”

    Gord.

  46. . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean……”

    Gord.

  47. . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “They shot him through the stupid forest, and he didn’t miss a tree….”

  48. Harper’s remark that he calls his mother regularly results in a groundswell of support.

  49. Wow.. those are incredibly lame, Gord.

    If you’re going to bombard this post with captions, why not try being just a little bit creative. Like these:

    TOP FIVE NEWSPAPER CAPTIONS

    5. TORONTO: Harper receives an endorsement from the wives of the Leafs’ last Stanley Cup winning team.

    4. MONTREAL: MPs Oda, Ambrose, Finley and Guergis grow visibly older during rambling Lawrence Cannon campaign speech.

    3. SUDBURY: The militant wing of the Salvation Army listens in support of Harper’s Arctic Sovereignty plan.

    2. REGINA: Jason Kenney, Monte Solberg, Peter Van Loan and Tom Lukiwski relax during an all full-costume rehersal of ‘Golden Girls – The Musical’.

    1. OTTAWA: Four local seniors show their appreciation of the Tories making good on a decade-old promise to convert Stornaway into a bingo hall.

  50. ugh.. that should be:

    2. REGINA: Jason Kenney, Monte Solberg, Peter Van Loan and Tom Lukiwski relax during a full-costume rehersal of ‘Golden Girls – The Musical’.

  51. “Well, Bertha? What do you think? He looks sort of like a human… A bit waxy though… I saw a honest-to-god alien once – out by the old barn. A flyin’ saucer plum landed right in our corn field.”

  52. . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “He would never help me cross the street, and those creepy eyes…..”

    Gord.

  53. . . while thinking of young boy Scott Feschuk, the four ladies muse: “His grandma still picks out his clothes…..”

    Gord.

  54. Gord- As far as I saw nobody had said, or planned to say anything really nasty or mean spirited about these, or any other elderly people. You on the other hand have posted several nasty, dirisive and off colour comments. If it was just one or two that would be one thing but when it hits double digits it is more than a bit annoying (to me at least). What you are doing amounts to an on line temper tantrum, you are embarassing yourself (I mean that quite sincerely, not as an attempt to inslut you). Time to move on.

  55. RyanD, Thanks for the advice, didn’t you like any of them at all?

    Gord.

  56. Gord G

    Hey Gordie – Don’t get enuf attention at Garth’s blog for your stupid comments so now you come here. Maybe you should stick to Small Dead Animals – more your intellectual level.

  57. Instead of making fun of alla old people, we should just make fun of one old person: Gord.

    Here’s one. Gord is so tedious and boring, he makes Jimmy Carter look like Bea Arthur. I think that’s a joke, but I’m not sure why.

  58. Stupid extra “a”, always undermining me and my message. I’ll get you extra “a” if its the last thing I do.

  59. Do us all a favour Feschuk and block this Gord G. guy. His comments are more than a little disturbing.

  60. Have fun,

    Bye for now,

    Gord.

  61. “Sheeeesh! That was excrutiating”

    I’d like to enter that as a caption … although I know it sounds like a comment

  62. The four worked for weeks to knit Mr. Harper’s now infamous sweater.

  63. “We’ve got a crush on Harper”

  64. “Little warm, Matilda?”
    “Mmmm.”
    “My goodness, yes.”
    “Kinda damp too.”

    (explosion of giggles)

  65. Sisterhood of the Traveling Sweater Vest

  66. Excited groupies wait outside stage door for Stephen Harper to emerge.

  67. News Bulletin: Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced today that his Government had formed a “special” alliance with the activist group, the Raging Grannies. Mr. Harper commented further that he expects to announce changes to the Department of Finance in the next following days, following a report from his lawyers on what exactly constitutes nepotism.

  68. –Slightly ammended version–

    News Bulletin: Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced today that his Government had formed a “special” alliance with the activist group, the Raging Grannies. Mr. Harper commented further that he expects to announce changes to the Department of Finance in the next couple of days, right after he receives a report from his lawyers on what exactly constitutes nepotism.

  69. Mike Moffat’s got this in a walk for both Regina and Montreal.

  70. sean s., mike moffatt, ryand and finn all made me laugh out loud – and i have to say the quality of entries really improved over the course of the campaign – but the prize this time goes to jaycie.

    if the prize were a complimentary sense of humour, i would have fixed the results to ensure a landslide victory for gord.

    jaycie, email me your address and i’ll send you your reward.

  71. Wait a minute. If all the seniors in town are at a meeting, that means that when the meeting gets out…

    Every senior in town will be driving home…

    At the same time. Oh My God!

  72. I know I’m a little late with my submission…but darn it, that South Park episode just popped into my head when I saw this picture.

  73. Wait a minute h A R P …! That nice driver said we were going to be on the Tommy Hunter Show not the Tommy Harper show!

  74. “election08:caption challenge #9”

    jaycie: “Things get rowdy at a meeting of the Conservative Youth”

    Ms.May: “We ran an exhuberant, a joyful and a postive campaign. If children five years and up could have voted, I would have won in a landslide.”

    “Due to an unaticipated production difficulties, the National Post is being distributed in Montreal today without federal election results. We apologize for this.”

    Real satire then is still preserved for the grown-ups. This country will have a fighting chance, afer all.

    Cheers!

  75. We old gals are all sharper than Harper; YEAH!!

  76. If I get any more excited at this Harper rally I’ll need another Depends.

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