Feschuk’s dictionary, 2009 edition - Macleans.ca

Feschuk’s dictionary, 2009 edition

Should-be new words, inspired by the year’s most infamous personalities and events


NOTE: You are invited to add you own definition of a prominent 2009 personality in the comments below. This Definition Challenge will be culminate with a vote on Monday, Dec. 21 – and the winner will receive a $50 gift certificate to Amazon.ca.

As the year winds down, let’s reflect on the pivotal personalities of 2009 and reveal the Fourth Annual List of Words That Ought to be Added to the Dictionary.

ahmadinejad vb. 1. to threaten violence upon one’s neighbour: Once spring arrived, Jason ahmadinejaded the Johnsons until they took down their Christmas lights.

baird n. 1. single-minded hostility. 2. hostile single-mindedness. 3. one who, based on his demeanour, can be assumed to type emails exclusively using CAPITAL LETTERS.

balloon-boy adj. ill-conceived, unwise: The slapdash coalition of opposition parties turned out to be a balloon-boy fiasco.

berlusconi n. the inability to keep it in one’s pants: You’ve got chronic berlusconi, the doctor told John Mayer.

boyle vb. 1. to surprise based on physical appearance: His well-oiled abs glistening under the fluorescent lamps, Ridge boyled all present  by sequencing the human genome. 2. to be radically made over by a high-priced team of stylists, hairdressers and makeup artists, the result somehow being an increase in one’s homeliness.

coderre n.1. a persistent droning. 2. one whose every declaration prompts eye-rolling in others. ant. class, dignity, silence.

donolo n. a perceived messiah: The U.S. government stepped in as donolo to the failing General Motors.

gosselin n. the sound of one’s 15 minutes of fame elapsing. vb. (usu. prec. by kate) to wear upon one’s head a porcupine.

gretzky vb. to be grossly overpaid when judged against the results one has achieved: Given box-office returns, Will Ferrell has been gretzkying since the end of 2006.

harper n. a Tim Horton’s employee: Put on two extra harpers to handle the morning rush.

heatley adj. whining, griping, bellyaching: Even a warm bottle of formula could not soothe the heatley baby.

ignatieff n. a bad situation getting worse: After beginning the season with 14 straight losses, the team suffered the ignatieff of an injured starting goalie. syn. dion. vb. to regret a career decision: Anyone who’s seen the trailer suspects The Rock will ignatieff starring in Tooth Fairy.

karlheinz vb. from the German, meaning “to be wished dead by the large-chinned baritone.”

layton vb. to oppose someone or something time and time again, right up until opposing it would actually result in a consequence: Joan opposed premarital sex, but laytoned when Brad Pitt showed up soaking wet at her door.

letterman n. the urge to change the channel during an awkward televised moment: I felt an overwhelming letterman when Sarah Palin couldn’t name a single newspaper or magazine.

macdonnell n. a gaffe of forgetfulness. syn. bernier.

madoff vb. to orchestrate an elaborate scheme designed to conceal the truth: By successfully executing a smile, Stephen Har­per madoffed the existence of his robotic circuitry.

mulroney vb. to explain, unconvincingly: The teenager mulroneyed that the joint found in his pocket belonged, in fact, to Matthew McConaughey. n. a commercial establishment that accepts neither cheques nor credit cards: I want to buy these apples but the vendor’s a mulroney—cash only.

obama vb. to exhaust, usu. in  a short span of time, one’s supply of goodwill. n. a rare medical condition in which one is conjoined to a teleprompter.

oprah vb. to announce you’re going to do something, but then to not do it for two years: Covered in Cheetos dust, Amir oprahed on about losing weight, then heated up a burrito.

polanski vb. to travel to Switzerland, unwisely.

rae vb. to become more attractive as an option in retrospect: The filet mignon raed in Diana’s mind once she’d tasted the salmon.

raitt adj. sexy, hot. syn. radioactive leaks, cancer.

sanford vb. to proffer a highly dubious explanation. My wife smashed in my car windows to rescue me, Tiger Woods sanforded.

sully (also: sullenberger) n. one who need never pay for a drink again.

twitter n. a technological breakthrough that frees one of the need to be physically present in the company of others in order to bore them.

usain vb. to move with blazing speed: The Prime Minister usained dozens of Conservative flunkies to the Senate.

woods n. an abrupt reversal of fortune: I was up $300 at blackjack but since the new dealer arrived, I’ve had a real woods of a time. vb. to commit infidelity exclusively with those significantly less attractive than your spouse.

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Feschuk’s dictionary, 2009 edition

  1. duffy vb. to lose all remaining credibiity: when an electrical short resulted in a loss of power at a Britney Spears concert and she was forced to sing a cappella the unlucky pop star catastrophically duffied.

  2. Colvinate vb. to write down one's thoughts about urgent matters and not tell anyone. He colvinated the 911 messages in his e-mail draft file. Colvinate your resignation before the meeting, in case it is needed. Colvinator n.

    • mackay vb. an ill-advised attempt to to shoot the messenger: the Minister of Defence mackayed Richard Colvin and now his career is duffied up for good.

      • mackaybite n. a problem bigger than one can handle; more food than one can chew; mackaybittian n. one who is involved in trying to swallow a mackaybite; a follower of mackay


        I vote that the winner should agree that the $50 goes towards the purchase of a book or books ( Scott Feschuk 's choice ) and the said items be delivered to a child at one of the hospitals.

  3. feschuk vb. to defy the odds and always be below 50% in choosing sides. I can't believe I always feschuk when I choose my teams in Proline.

  4. Switzerland is great for skiing, but not polanskiing.

  5. harper (ed) vb. Using a multitude of political tricks that would make tricky Dick Nixon proud and still not achieve the end goal of political dominance. Despite many attempts to be taken seriously by Canada's financial community, "Deficit Jim" Flaherty harpered his attempt at credibility by running up the highest deficit in Canadian history.

  6. Balsillie: (vb.) An attempt to join a gathering despite stong objections.

    Feschuk resolved to Balsillie his way into the Maclean's staff holiday party.

  7. kanye n. an obnoxious, irritating person: Tim Powers is such a kanye. syn. jerk

  8. leonardcohen, v. to come out of retirement with a critically and popularly successful set of performances after being impoverished by bad decisions and untrustworthy advisors: a quarter-century after scandals sent him into obscurity, Tiger Woods leonardcohened the senior golf tour.

  9. kermit n. a piece of overly optimistic prose used to escape from the reality of the real world. As the Minister was bending over to pick up his baggage in the departures lounge, his loyal aide took the time to deliver a well timed kermit.

    taber v. unnecessary propensity to use "anonymous sources" when an actual name is warranted. The recognition was bittersweet when Crit_Reasoning realized his kermit had been tabered.

  10. Lieberman (v.) to abandon your principles for a share of the spotlight (syn. Khan, Emerson, Stronach)
    Usage: Lewinsky just wanted to serve her president until an unsightly stain caused her to Lieberman for a career in handbag design.

  11. Duval vb. to miraculously come through for one's team at the very last possible moment after an improbable comeback, thus embarrassing an entire province on their own truf: I sure hope Canada doesn't get duvalled at the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics!


  12. Duval vb. to miraculously come through for one's team at the very last possible moment after an improbable comeback, thus embarrassing an entire province on their own turf: Let's hope Canada doesn't get duvalled at the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics!


  13. lohan, noun. a young, confused and drunk/high starlet .

  14. barack, verb. to promise and everything and deliver nothing. As in"Fred baracked her that he would mail the check as soon as he got home…."

  15. poilievre vb. to incessantly yap: Mr. Harper ultimately had to return his adopted Yorkshire Terrier to the dog shelter since it would not stop poilievring every time the doorbell rang.

  16. Nordegan, verb, 1) to get half; to seek half; Scandinavian version of the previous old American English "Carson", e.g. before Billy could unwrap his Snickers bar, Sally had Nordeganned half of it or;

    noun 2) – antonym of 'Mulligan', something that a golf player never gets to do again.

  17. Hillierhitus n. pronounced hillier-hi-tus; an infectious exuberance resulting in the extermination of murderous scumbags

    Baird n. a disguise used to get a bulldog into the House of Commons

    O'connor vb. colloquial expression used by a frustrated defense lawyer in giving advice to a client on how to answers questions submitted by Her Honour

  18. Copenhagen V. 1. To appear responsible but skulk around hoping the burden will fall on others. 2. To hoard goods or wealth without paying for one's share. ("You're copenhagen all the pizza and now you don't want to have to pay.")

  19. swine flu v. to 1. over-react 2.be ridiculously scared 3. using too much hand sanitizer

    ( you're totally swine flu-ing about that vaccine!) OR ( don't pull a swine flu) OR( don't swine flu up the hand sanitizer)

  20. Rae n. or vb (raes) – often used in metaphors to describe lack of political common sense; not a rae of hope; not a rae of political common sense

    Layton – derived from latent, adj. – Potentially existing but not presently evident or realized; ie. – leader of political party; Layton was late, potentially existing but not presently evident when the meeting took place with Rae.

  21. mcguinty, verb; 1) to change one's course to suit one's own needs even if it differs from what was originally promised or criticized; see "Rae Days" or "privatization of public assets". ex – Tiger Woods sure mcguintied his promise to say true to his wife…

  22. Noun: Harpermania, mental illness characterized by the need to attack incessantly (as defined in DSM VII)

    "Palin is either a bulldog with lipstick, or she has Harpermania"

    Noun: Harperarchy – control of all things by Harper.

    "Did you hear parliament will soon be obsolete. It's being replaced by Harperarchy."

  23. sarkozy adj. 1. to relentlessly disappoint all expectations I need a well deserved harper, it's such a sarkozy week; first girl dumps me for that medvedev guy from accounting, then my boss goes all merkel on me, and now my car is a total woods.

    harper n. 1. an irresponsible break from normal duties to pursue matters of more selfish nature v. 1. to dress up and pose endlessly out of vanity

    medvedev adj. 1. someone of juvenille caracter portrayed trough a series of macho stunts unbecoming of that persons position

    merkel n. 1. a situation where one hides ones fascist tendencies through excessive use of social posturing

    woods adj. 1. to have inexplicably given up everything

  24. Geez I wish I would have taken the time reread that. That was totaly MacKay of me.

  25. I humbly like Feschuck mind and style. He uses single shots Safari rifles when needed. This time he used bird shot on double barrelled shot gun hitting all but not wounding fatally any of the high flyers of society. If the new words gets into Oxford's and gained usage, then Feschuck succeeds in immortalizing these famous and infamous birds.

  26. duffinate, v.i., from O.F. dueffiner < L. duphonare < Gk. δυφωνεῖν (δυς- + φωνή, "bad voice"). To answer one's critics with a sound of artificial flatulence produced with the heels of one's hands. Alas, too late / rebuked for evil, he'd but duffinate Words., They have pretended ignorance, kept silent, pursed their lips, and finally duffinated, Gladstone.

  27. Flaherty (n.) Describing the state or act of holding valuables clearly belonging to someone else, with accompanying awkwardness and/or embarassment.

    My wife left me standing in the middle of the mall holding her purse while she browsed, and a wave of flaherty overcame me.

  28. feschuck – n. any piece of writing, prose or poetry, that sounds or read like it was written NOT for money or material gain but for the pleasure of being read. Ex. God, if only I can write a feschuck!

  29. mackaydamian – n. genetic mutation of a macadamia nut; also adj.; nutty or pertaining to a nut: What a mackaydamian thing to do; also, mackaydamia – n. state of perpetual dysphoric: The mackaydamian was stuck in mackaydamia.

    nutcase – n. a case, box or coffin-like enclosure to store mackaydamians

  30. a) copenhagen – verb; to blatantly showcase one's hypocrisy

    – The Prince of Wales made a speech about how we need to collectively work together to save the planet, but he copenhaged that sentiment when he flew back to Britannia on his private 747 with only him and the pilot aboard.

    b) copenhagen- noun; a large gathering of useless wankers, exhaling nothing but hot air

    – That roundtable on climate change was such a copenhagen; what a waste of my time.

    c) duceppe – verb; to leach off your employer while trying to bring down the company

    – Stan got a four day conference paid for by Corporate, and proceeded to duceppe us by leaking the 3rd quarter financials to some SEC investigator he arranged to meet there.

  31. d) thain- verb; to pay oneself a ridiculous bonus after epically failing in your fiduciary responsibilty
    – Wow, Bob really thained his old man's store when he bought that timeshare in Florida after running the store into bankruptcy and putting all the employees out on the street

    e) Obamassiah- noun; 1. The One who will lead us to Change through Hope… eventually, if He could only be made President For Life 2. The President Of Peace, He who nobly surged the troops needed to best bring war upon the Taliban tribe 3. He who bows like a subject only to the House of Saud (and the Japanese emporer,and…)

  32. "Pull a Feschuk" (v)–Get a paying gig at a national magazine by re-writing old Dave Barry columns. egs?..available weekly.

  33. Vanna White: vb. – to make a fat living pretending to perform a function long since rendered obsolete by change in technology or mores.

    Ex: Thursday the senate Vannaed the finance bill recently sent up by the House

  34. Gore vb. To gain wealth by expounding false scientific and economic theses, based on doubtful data, using celebrity status, slick Hollywood production techniques and MSM complicity. (Bernie Madoff gored many victims out of their life savings.)

    Suzuki vb. To gain wealth by expounding false scientific and economic theses, based on doubtful data, using credentials from a totally irrelevant discipline, celebrity status from TV exposure and MSM complicity. (The UN/WHO and pharmaceutical power mongers suzukied the global population into a state of fear over the false H1N1 pandemic.)

  35. Guess I'm a little late but I'll put it out there anyways. Dion n. to take pleasure in the knowledge that your replacement has fared no better and is actually worse. He felt an immense sensation of dion wash over him as he watched his wife struggle even more so opening the awkward package.