Bill Gates said today that significant changes are in store for the Internet in the coming decade. What will be the biggest advances?
- Eliminating cumbersome screen interface, porn becomes downloadable directly to crotch.
- Increasingly ineffective pop-up advertising replaced with harder-to-ignore boxing glove that punches you in face.
- Separate Internet established for old people just discovering dancing baby and “YouTubes or whatever it’s called.”
- “Successful” John McCain candidacy revealed to have been hilarious Internet hoax.
- Household appliances will be networked into web, empowering your fridge to email you when you’re out of milk and your toaster to email you when it’s sad.
- TMZ.com to launch next-generation website offering 24-hour surveillance of Britney Spears’ left breast.
- Intrepid sleuthing reveals wealthy Nigerian dictator was actually alive and well the whole time!
- Online GPS tracking of teenagers enables parents to discover in real time just how unpopular and boring their kids really are.
- Political campaigns henceforth waged exclusively on the web, leading to surefire “Obama-Star Wars kid” ticket for 2012 election.
- New feature allows you to reply to forwarded list of terrible jokes with lethal electric shock.
FILED UNDER: bill gates internet sad toasters