How about a Mailbag? - Macleans.ca
 

How about a Mailbag?


 

All questions answered, except for the ones I ignore.

Insert queries below. Mailbag to possibly come Wednesday maybe.


 
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How about a Mailbag?

  1. "TOURISM chiefs in Serbia are hoping their annual testicle cooking competition will do for the region what whisky did for Scotland ……. "The importance of a recognisable brand to sell a region cannot be underestimated,'' festival organiser Ivo Mokovich said. "Look at how many people go to Scotland because of the whisky or how many people know Switzerland because of their cheese and chocolate." Australian, Aug 17, 2010

    Feshuck: You are living in Paris, France and decide to take a weekend break to get away from it all. Do you choose:

    a)Scotland – where you will have a weekend full of golf and whiskey, or

    b)Serbia – where you will have a weekend full of dodging snipers and eat testicle pizza.
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/2

  2. Dear Scott,

    Mr Harper's God. Discuss.

    Just kidding!! I think we've flogged that one to death. Although maybe I shouldn't have said that out loud.

    • At least we didn't crucify it.

  3. Dear Scott,

    How are the NFL predictions coming along so far this season?

  4. Scott

    Is it ok to pee when taking a shower? Also, why are women always right?

    • We just are, period : )

      • Especially then!

        • Hahaha, no then we just get Helenized…

  5. Dear Mr. Feschuk,

    This is not a mailbag query, but since I am an infallible being this does not matter. I deliver unto you a message: doubt not the words of my acolyte Stephen Harper, nor report upon his words with satire in your heart. WAITEST THOU UNTIL HE HAS HIS MAJORITY!!!!

    Yours sincerely,

    God.

    P.S. I your God am a vain and conbot God.

    • Wait! I should have said omnipotent! Not infallible!

      You could never understand the pressure I'm under here, mortals.

      -G.

    • I always knew God spoke like the King James version of the bible.

      • But his voice Metatron has this annyong inspector Clouseau accent. It's kinda funny, esp. when he does Abraham and Issac.

  6. Dear Mr. Feschuk,

    I heard a rumour that the Conservatives and Liberals are starting up their own football teams because they feel that they don't just want to watch the games, they want to play too.

    Further, I've heard that Baird will play the role of offensive tackle, and McKay the star runningback for the Conservatives, while Justin Trudeau will star as the Liberals' QB and Bob Rae will be barking out plays that he hears from someone talking through his headphone mic.

    Can you confirm or deny these rumours? And, (even if not) true, who should be in the lineup? I mean, seriously, I think Carolyn Bennett deserves a chance to toss the pigskin around a little.

    Thanks,

    Lynn

  7. Scott:

    After many hours of rifling through the comment boards here, and witnessing the calibre of input, I'm lock, stock and barrel in favour of the Pun registry. Won't someone think of the children?

    • But long puns are an essential part of the lifestyle of the rural wag.

  8. Earlier this year, you publicly gave up on golf. Elin Nordegren is filing for divorce. Connection?

  9. Scott:

    What ever happened to the picture caption contest, and do you care?

    • A couple of weeks ago during the Northern Swing, there was a picture of a bunch of guys in a boat, including Stephen Harper looking intently into the water (As I recall: I am getting older and it was a few weeks ago, so the picture may actually have been completely different). I really, really wanted there to be a picture caption contest on that. What was Stephen looking at? To see if "Bob" re-surfaced? To see if the cinder block tied to the census issue was really heavy enough?

      So I agree the CC was overdone at the end, but a judicious and infrequent reappearance would be great.

  10. Dear Scott

    My September 13 issue of Macleans has a picture of a jelly donut on the cover. Across the bottom right corner is a bright blue banner that says "Wells, Coyne, Feschuk". Did you guys request that or are your layout artists taking the piss?

  11. Monkeys or lemurs?

  12. Where's Garth Turner?

  13. Dear Scott,

    At editorial meetings, how often does Wells pitch an "All Jazz" edition of Maclean's, and how difficult is it for the rest of you to stifle your laughter when he does?

    Not that I have anything against jazz music of course, but, well you know…

    • One point? What the he77 are you doing at one point?

      I know, I know, nobody cares……..but what happened?

      • Criticized Steyn.

        So, it's sort of a badge of honour.

        Still, I was aiming for bergkamp's numbers, so I still have a long way to go…

  14. Where in the world is Helena Geurgis?

  15. Will the Bills ever win a superbowl?

  16. Has Tim Hortons become too big to succeed? Will Harper continue to make major announcements from the Tim Horton Innovation Center for Excellence in Donut Hole Research? I'm dyslexic – what kind of dog is Stehpen Hrapers dog?

  17. Dear Scott

    In our house, whenever there is family dissension, we open a bottle of rye, put out the appropriate number of glasses and work through the issues. We argue, we fight, we snipe and we heckle. But eventually our voices join in mirthful song, and harmony fills the household once more.

    Now Canadians all agree that the House of Commons in just one big, ugly, dysfunctional family. Why doesn't Mr Milliken just open a case of CC, and make the MP's stick with it until their voices find a glorious and harmonious
    "O Canada?"

    • Ah, you have me looking forward to Christmas dinner with the folks already….

  18. Dear Scott,

    My wife left me in charge of planning our next date night.

    So it's down to these two choices:

    Catch a screening of "The Human Centipede" on Friday, or watch "The Queen in 3D" on CBC.

    Any advice?

  19. Dear Scott,

    I heard a rumour that you're going to write a new column for Chatelaine magazine called "That Time of the Month Again".

    Is there any truth to this, or is it just a scurrilous fabrication by Dean Del Maestro?

    • Supplemental question: who would you cast for the lead?

  20. I remember that you called the soccer world cup correctly. I am curious, why haven't you been gloating about it? Also, could you please make up another list of reasons why soccer sucks? I loved the first one.

  21. You're a football expert (according to you)… does a quarterback say 'hutt hutt', or 'hup hup', or 'hike hike'?

  22. Should we be reading anything into the fact that the crazy parents who think WiFi is making their kids sick live in Helena Geurgis' riding?

  23. Where oh where is Peter Mansbridge?

  24. How the hell would he know? He's about as funny as a broken leg!

  25. Dear Scott,

    Why aren't there more posts about cats in your column?

    Sincerely,

    DirtyOldTown.

    • posts…. columns…..
      I truss you understand that Scott is not a pillar of the feline support community ;)

      • Cats are the cornerstone all other forms of humour rest upon. Architectural fact. (Look it up under Humour— Cats—LOL).

  26. On Saturday, my partner and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary. Since we're not married, people keep asking us what it's the anniversary of.

    Should we tell them? How graphic should we be?

  27. After one quarter of watching my Riders officially kill all hope I had for them this year, I decided to dedicate my Sundays to the NFL instead. My problem is that I have no emotional attachment to any team. If you weren’t cursed with being labelled a Bills fan, who would you cheer for if you had to start from scratch today.

    Please pick responsibly, as I plan on wholeheartedly becoming a lifelong fan, and I can only handle having 50% of my football allegiances being a waste of time.

  28. Dear Sir,

    How much beer and popcorn have you seen Scott Reid eat during one Monday Football Game?

  29. Since Macleans began using intense debate, which staffer's picture has been your favourite and why?

    (Personally, I enjoyed being able to say "It's Craig Finn from the Hold Steady" several times).

  30. Dear Scott,

    On your football picks blog your good 'friend' Scott Reid recently posted a photo of himself and Dean Del Maestro half(?) naked and caked in mud(?). Care to enlighten the masses on this, including on Scott's desire for the rest of us to bear witness to this?

    As always, best regards,

    sea_n_mountains

  31. Scott is it true that the Tories next stimulus cheque for Newfoundland has been earmarked to recarve the rock in the shape of Stephen Harper's profile? I've heard a few ridings will fall into the Atlantic, but since they didn't vote Conservative, the federal governement appears to be unconcerned. Rumours abound, will he face the mainland or look towards Europe? What have you heard?

    Cheers!

  32. I noticed in the story above your Mailbag that the government isn't allowing a scientist to release a report about a flood that occured 13,000 years ago. Obviously I am in complete agreement with this because the earth isn't old enough to have had a flood 13,000 years ago.

    My question is when are the majority of people going to clue in and realize the earth was created at the moment of the first Super Bowl kickoff making the current year XLV s.b.?

  33. Dear "Scott"

    Where's "Sean"?

    • You mean deleted3587631?
      I like to think he's having a beer with Jack Mitchell, and they're talking anything but politics

  34. a late submission:

    Dear Scott

    Korey has taken his toys and gone, well somewhere else pressumably. any reactions?

    Best

    snm

  35. Scott,
    I'm thinking of applying for a job at Sun Media. Any interview tips while making my pitch to the newly minted Luc Lavoie?

    • Bring cash in envelopes.

  36. I wonder, if Stevie was able to transport himself into the body of Jesus, much as if it were some sort of political vacuum, what kinds of wacky things would he do in the hoods of OG Israel back in the day? What would he use his awesome powers for? Whom would he smite? Who would be smoten through his smotifying powers? What miracles would he work? What paradoxical parables would prudently pass from his piehole?

  37. Why didn't Kory mention "spending more time with his family???"

  38. Scott,

    Which characters from Top Gun are Clement and McKay channeling? Which one would be Goose and which one would be Iceman?

    and

    With your experience inside Parliament, do former Communications directors in the PMO get inspired by movies of subterfuge, strategy, or espionage? If so, do you suppose Kory Teneycke was inspired by Spy Kids ?

    • *MacKay

  39. Scott,

    There's been a lot of talk about Tory conspiracies lately. The Tories and the NRA trying to kill the gun registry, the Tories trying to create voter apathy to mantain their hold on power, the Tories trying to start Fox News North to spread their propaganda.

    But as yet unreported, (can you believe it!): Is Harper's Gut, Stephen Harper's closest advisor, in fact, Mr. Potato Head?
    I was stunned by the evidence.
    http://harpersgut.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/is-har

    What have you heard?