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It’s Musty and There are Posters of Charlie’s Angels and Ayn Rand in Here


 

I’ve been tweeting as the Voice in Stephen Harper’s Head for a couple weeks now. I think it’s going okay. One weird side effect is that I find the voice in my own head now sometimes sounds like the voice of the actual Stephen Harper, which can be quite disconcerting when I’m watching TV and the voice in my head says, “Oh, man, that there lady doctor on House is hot.”

Anyhoo, here are some recent excerpts from the Twitter. Come join in if you’d like.

  • Christmas coming soon. Hope MacKay isn’t my secret Santa again. I’ve still got that bottle of Brut 33 from last year.
  • Sending kids off to school – firm handshake or notarized memo of farewell? Can never decide.
  • When life hands me lemons, I order someone to make me lemonade. Then I hand it back, grunting, “I asked for iced tea, dammit!”
  • Just remembered: no Question Period today. Yet I’ve got loads of insults and barbs ready. Thank God I’m surrounded by staff members.
  • Brainwave: don’t FIGHT climate change – prepare Canada for life AFTER global warming as world’s leading undersea kingdom! Your move, Suzuki.
  • “Wheels up!” LOVE that term. Makes me feel like a character on The West Wing but without all the Latin and human empathy.
  • The dance show was fun. Plus I’ve sewn up support of all Indo-Canadians who choose whom to vote for using “least amount of rhythm” criterion
  • “The South Asian tiger has awoken and the world is standing in awe.” With writing that bad, I might be mistaken for the new Dan Brown novel.
  • Note to self: When I get home, make an appointment to take my mouth in for its 100-smile maintenance. Has it been 5 years already?
  • Sometimes I’ll wake up early, stare into the night sky, marvel and wonder to myself, “Why isn’t someone making me my goddamn breakfast?”

 
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It’s Musty and There are Posters of Charlie’s Angels and Ayn Rand in Here

  1. What no Kristie Alley reference today?

    • wait – i get it. it’s a humourous callback to a previous criticism!

      Ahahahaha —

      wait, this is going to last a while. i need to go get a coffee…

      — hahahahahahaha.

      funny!

      • And "Kristie Alley" makes even zanier!

      • Well what can you expect – I'm just a nobody among a bunch of nobodies posting to the MacLean's blogs. But you! You're leading Canadian humourist Scott Feschuk! Former speechwriter and senior advisor to Paul Martin during his extremely prime ministership! Potentially responsible for great, meaningful moments in the history of Canada such as –
        "We stand together on the edge of historic possibility. At a moment that comes rarely in the life of a country. It is a time when destiny is ours to hold. A time of new opportunity which must be seized upon in a conscious, determined effort. It is a time to turn an historic circumstance into transformative change – to summon a new national will."

        • That was before my time, but I am responsible for every single one of his Wile E. Coyote jokes that bombed.

          • Were you responsible for the commitment to remove the not withstanding clause that bombed?

          • I like to think I'm funny – but I'm not THAT funny.

  2. •The dance show was fun. Plus I've sewn up support of all Indo-Canadians who choose whom to vote for using “least amount of rhythm” criterion…memo to self…this dance stuff is tricky. How does it go again, clap one two three, shuffle your feet 'then" wiggle your ass. Screw it, i'll just let them keep on adoring me.

    * Must remember to invite mike along next time, maybe then i wont look such a dork.

  3. How can Scott think about Kristie when Amy Whinehouse is in the hospital because her silicone boobs sprung a leak. Kristie's weight problems can wait…. people must focus on Amy getting better

  4. Possible PM thoughts while boogieiing in Mumbai:

    This is not so bad. Thank god the Russkies don't need reactors, that cossack dance thing looks like bloody murder.

    This is nice, I wonder what they got planned for me in China? I hope i don't have to dance with that godzilla clown?

  5. I think my favourite was about him wanting the meeting to be in Japan cause he'd look awesome as a ninja.

  6. I never imagine the voice in Harper's head sounding that cheery and self-confident. More like a protestant Woody Allen.

  7. I have decided once and for all to delete MacLeans from my PC and distribution list. You are becoming more juvenile with each edition.

      • I warned them this would happen when they put you in charge of national affairs.

        I didn't know you also wrote for MacLeans.

    • Was that from the Voice in Tom's Head?

    • Don't worry, I'm in. For the long haul, Scott. The long haul. And I ain't goin' anywhere.

  8. Amazing the second largest population on earth and a middle class of over hundred million and the heart warming (not) dancing of a PM shows desperation, not inspiration. Here is a trained economist who has told how smart he is and cannot figure out (a) how to be charming,(b) that if you cut Sales tax you don't have extra revenue and (c) when you have installed 3 of Mike Harris most loveable cabinet ministers as your cabinet ministers you are in serious trouble and sinking fast. Unfortunately, Mike in opposition is not ready for prime time yet, and still giving this government lots of time to lurch from one crisis to another.

  9. Hey Scott how bout an inside look at Iggy's tweets?Although you might want to spare us the Layton ones though.

    MI: " Damnit! I brought Donolo in, polls still not rising. I might still have to do that full monty bit on Mercer…sigh…well at least my ass isn't as skinny as Bobs!"

    JL:" Man,when're they gonna ask me on to Mercer's show? I'll show em! The only thing small about me is the tash"!

    • There is already a twitter account for jack laytons mustache. Which is beautiful.

  10. I think Michael Ignatieff would make a good Romulan in the next Trek movie. Those eyes and eyebrows are awesome. Any thoughts Scott?

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