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And the gold medal in “Waaaah!” goes to…

Vancouver 2010: A portrait in complaints


 

The story so far: The luge track was too fast and dangerous. Now the luge track is too slow and boring. Olympic organizers denied foreign skiers sufficient opportunity to train on the downhill course. The downhill course is too bumpy. The cross-country skiing course has too many turns and too many hills. The ice at the speedskating oval is terrible. There wasn’t enough French in the Opening Ceremonies. The Germans are cheating at skeleton by putting magnets in their sleds. Wanting to Own the Podium is rude. Wanting to Own the Podium but then finishing ninth in everything is embarrassing. Wayne Gretzky was the wrong person to light the Olympic cauldron. The outdoor Olympic cauldron is too inaccessible. Lineups for stuff are too long. Tickets to the medal ceremonies are too expensive. Everything is too expensive. Canada’s snowboarders are wearing their pants too snug. The weather is crummy. The figure skaters keep falling down. The judges gave absurdly high turn marks to Alexandre Bilodeau. Cypress Mountain should never have been allowed to host ski and snowboard events. Snowboarding is dumb anyway and shouldn’t be in the Olympics. Too few spectators turned out for the men’s downhill.

I invite you to add to this list as an as-bellyached basis.

Coming soon: Nearby mountains complain about an organizer’s description of Cypress as a “special child.” Says Blackcomb: “Is she saying that Cypress is… retarded?”


 
Filed under:

And the gold medal in “Waaaah!” goes to…

    • Agreed!

      • The live event stuff isn't bad, but my god is the in between stuff terrible. I feel like clicking my heels together three times saying "There's no thing like public broadcasting" over and over until Ron Maclean shows up on my TV screen wearing a gaudy Christmas sweater.

      • What about OLN or CPAC?

    • Oh dear LORD yes. Since when is NBC's coverage better than ours??? NBC's pre-Opening Ceremonies stuff made me immensely proud to be Canadian. CTV's pre-Opening Ceremonies coverage made me want to shoot myself in the head.

      • Did you?

        I hope not.

    • Not enough commercials or seemingly repetitive musical score every 10 minutes.

      Not enough commemorative Vancouver merchandise….Couldn't RONA fashion a tributary spoon for Lloyd Robertson or maybe a Canadian Tire plaque for Brian Williams ? What am I going to use to fill out my place setting of glasses from Petro Canada ?

  1. I think the Olympics are awesome Canada is doing a great job and Canadian athletes have been amazing, the weather has turned as we had hoped, snow has fallen and everyone seems to have been having an amazing time. Rejoice in the spirit of the games people Canada from Hailifax to Montreal and Quebec City to Toronto and Winnipeg and BC this is your show your Games and its obeen phenominal

    • Don't forget Newfoundland, England's oldest colony, at least untill we joined 'Canada' in 1949.

  2. You forgot :

    "Failed to reanimated the corpse of Terry Fox so that he could participate in the opening ceremonies."

  3. Thank you. This is what I'm talking about. Keep em coming.

  4. I am so glad the Cons prorogued for this.

    • That might just be the problem. The pundits have nothing to pundit.

  5. Fear of groping by Prime Minister is making Canadians intentionally not win medals.

    • Ha! I think you've hit on something here!

    • He's been in Haiti for two days. It's been less stressful for the athletes now. Maybe he'll stay there for a while longer and we'll win more golds.

  6. Gaetan Boucher and Donovan Bailey complaining about not being involved in the opening ceremony. Bemoaning the lack of funding probably cost Gaetan the chance to prance around in the opening ceremony. Sure he was underfunded, but holding a grudge and embarrassing the organizers probably wasn't a smooth move. You can only complain afterwards – see Betty Fox. As for Bailey, what winter sport did he compete in again?

    "They are much better supported," he (Boucher) said. "The difference now is they have support before the Games. We hardly had any. We had the Sport Canada support which allowed us to go to Europe and take part in world championships but that's about all we had.

    "I won a silver in 1980 and that hardly brought anything. We got our Oval in Quebec City after I won in '84. Again, it was after the Olympics and not before. We needed support before the Games and now that's what they're getting."

    • Huh, yeah, what gives? So they weren't in the opening ceremonies this time, so what?

      It's almost as if they think that this is the last time we'll host an Olympic Games…<voice trails off>

      Er, never mind.

      • If the opening ceremonies is for fetting old olympians in bad costumes, where the heck was Adam van Koeverden. He even has Vancouver in his name! More van Koeverden!!!

    • I couldn't disagree more. The Olympic cauldron was lit by a one time Olympian who failed to win a bronze medal in his only appearance at the Olympics, while a two time Olympic Champion who held the record for most medals won by a Canadian in a single Olympic Games for eighteen years didn't even get a phone call.

      That makes no sense to me.

    • Huh, yeah, what gives? So they weren't in the opening ceremonies this time, so what?

      It's almost as if they think that this is the last time we'll host an Olympic Games…<voice trails off>

      Er, never mind.

  7. Very little East Timorese-Canadian content in the Opening Ceremonies.

    • and let's all look forward to the complaints about too much french in the closing ceremonies.

      • That's thinking ahead. Good on you, sir.

        • We need more BORT licence plates!
          (The Simpsons)

    • Too much East Timorese-Canadian content in the Opening Ceremonies!

  8. Can't get close to Olympic flame.

    Get singed when getting close to Olympic flame.

    • That’s the way! We want it both ways, that way we can ALWAYS complain!

      Again, nicely done.

    • Not enough, or too much?

      • You can never have too much cowbells.

      • Both! Neither! Too many questions, not enough complaining!

  9. Vancouver's poet laureate can't carp about the lack of female ski jumpers, so he's boycotting (sounds like a human rights violation to me, however).

    • And the Boy Scouts can't keep up with all the middle-aged applicants.

      • That doesn't even rhyme. No badge for you!

  10. The outer ring on the curling houses are green and not red! The Norwegian curlers have harlequin patterned pants.

    • Really?

      Damn, now you tell me.

      I spent all last night trying to readjust the tint and colour on my flat screen tv.

      Now the rings are red, but Brian Williams looks like Bruno Gerussi.

  11. Quite. But when one man calls you an ass, laugh in his face. When five men do, buy a saddle. The fact is this Olympics is becoming more known for its screwups than for anything that has happened on the ice or the slopes (except for the guy dying).

    • "the guy dying"

      Sorry that was so embarrassing for you, big guy.

      Tell you what, when you get to five, I'll lend you the saddle money.

  12. I am upset that they haven't introduced a Complaining Relay as an Olympic sport for Vancouver 2010. Canadians would clearly be hard to beat for this event.

    • I believe this is to be a demonstration sport in London 2012. We have a number of strong contenders for gold and the list is growing.

  13. Here's something along the lines of not enough French in opening games but different.

    "Overall, I thought the opening ceremony was pretty impressive visually ….. this was by far the whitest-looking opening ceremonies ….. But then the Olympic flag came out, carried by an all-white cast of Canadian heroes …."

    http://www.straight.com/article-289674/vancouver/

  14. That girl from Canadian Idol 2006 butchering the national anthem.

    • I get that some people didn't like Yanofsky's rendition of the anthem, but man am I getting sick of people picking on a 16 year old.

      For those of you who don't know, Nikki Yanofsky was not actually on Canadian Idol in 2006. For one thing, she was 12 at the time (I don't know if Idol has an age limit, but 12 years old seem young for that show). For another, she was already headlining at the Montreal International Jazz Festival.

      • I, for one, thought it rocked. I really didn't need to hear the standard hockey game/Skydome version for the millionth time.

        It was a jazz version from a jazz singer. They are supposed to play with the melody.

        And besides Dave, this list is supposed to be about pretend grievances. The Guardian or Daily Mail websites will be happy to receive your carping and whining. ; )

        • She did great, and she is an amazing singer!!!

        • It wasn't her idea to sing it that way.

          • So I've read. I appreciate the fact that they went for something new.

  15. Not enough cheap pot? :)

    Too much Ben Mulroney (any is too much)

    Too many mountains :)

    Too many Canadians forgetting to identify themselves by saying eh.

    • Too much Ben Mulroney…or just too much chin?
      Subtle but significant difference.

  16. The first men's hockey game is only a few hours away and team Canada hasn't won Gold yet. I expected more from you Crosby!

  17. Too much TV coverage, my PVR ran out of room on Day 2.
    Too little TV coverage; I keep having to watch tapings of why our folks missed the podium.
    Too little French, too little Inuktitut, too little Chinese, too little Italian…
    Too little Harper; surely his famous winning, spontaneous, smile would negate those nabobs who say we're being "too aggressive". Oops, he's a little too busy "recalibrating", isn't he?
    Too little Ignatieff; surely his famous, winning, spontaneous smile would reassure the nabobs that we are true internationalists, ant not just parochial whiners. Oops, he's a little too busy in Ottawa "working, right through the Olympics", isn't he?
    Too little Layton; oops, sorry, he's tied up in front of his TV fighting prostate cancer, isn't he?
    Too little jingoism; c'mon, folks, where's your Canuck spirit? Let's show the world that we can be just as obnoxious as the Australians.

    Sigh… A country of just over 33 million, on a world of just under 7 billion, trying to show that we're a "world presence" by putting on a sports show (not that well, so far) and beating all comers (not so well, so far).

    It's all getting a little much.

  18. Waaaah

    Maelle Ricker won gold while I was surfing the Macleans blogs…

    That'll teach me.

  19. Complaining about the complaining does that count?

  20. Excuse my language, but Canada is no longer going to be the retarded kid at a running race whose athlete friend falls on the track, and we run back to help our fellow athlete. We are going to be running to the finish line while hoping to come in first. We have the right and desire to win if we work at it!

    • But we're still retarded?

      • Maybe, but we're also the one who trips up the athlete friend.

        • Wait a sec, is the athlete friend also retarded? Or is tripping up our athlete friend one of our rare skills, despite our retardation? I mean, how is it that a retarded kid can catch up to his athlete friend in order to trip him?

          I'm afraid I've lost the thread of this metaphor.

          But I think you've read too much British press. We have nothing to apologize for.

          • Believe me, I wasn't apologizing for us. It was a failed attempt at irony. See: Coyne.

          • Never go full irony.

          • Lesson learned.

  21. Too much worrying about what some British journalists are writing.

    Two months from now it will all be over and the conclusion will be "Best Winter Games. EVER." and the journalists will have found something new to complain about.

      • Indeed, although they might have to mix in a few other 'targets' to keep their readers from getting too bored.

      • Indeed, although they might have to mix in a few other 'targets' to keep their readers from getting too bored.

    • The 2010 World Cup

  22. Who gave this nutcup a job? The Story So Far: No one cares what you think.

    • And yet not only did you read the post, you managed to get all the way down the comments section to insert a comment on your own. That's dedicated complaining! Well done.

    • Hey Mario! Is that you??!! Frolicking about in your Osh Kosh overalls and that cute little cap?! You'd better skiddadle cos if one of those "Sean" guys reads your post you'll be in REALLY big trouble. GO! GET OUT! NOW!

      • Yeah! I'm an eponym!

  23. Hawaii would have made for a better choice.

  24. My list of complaints…

    The american in snowboarding who told the other american to go "left!" in an attempt to take out the Canadian.
    Mario, from up above.
    Canadians who aren't rooting for Americans, since all the Americans I've come across online are rooting for the Canadians.
    Lack of SUV Downhill Mogols where extra points are awarded for number of people killed in the "standing room only" section.
    Lack of market priced weed, and viagra, and cough syrup, and hair gel.
    Too much of Host Guy and Host Girl
    And finally, lack of intelligent commentary from that girl host on CTV … not that she's smart enough to hold an accurate conversation. "Mike was from Canmore! Not Edmonton! You're bloody partner said so!"

    • you're=your

  25. My apologies to cows (I do love them), but the behaviour of the spectators at the Olympics, especially as far as their "applause" is concerned, indicates that they are contaminated with "mad cow decease." I mean, I've heard rumours that Gordie has closed a lot of facilities for the mentally impaired, but not in my wildest dreams did I imagine, that there are such masses of them.
    How come that "masked people" are allowed to roam our streets? They are all potential terrorists, and should be hung from the next tree.
    How come that these terrorist were allowed to freely go about their business downtown, without being stopped by the law?
    Especially when we are told, that these thugs are well known to the authority's?
    Of course it's one thing to have four policemen attack one unarmed innocent man, and taser him to death, and quite another to get a rather large number of masked hoodies of the streets. I guess, "they would fight back!"
    Where in all this is our Media? Are they all blind, or have they also been bitten by the cows?

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