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Mailbag questions. You heard me.


 

Apologies for my blogly silence. Turns out starting a suicidal cult is a real time suck.

Permit me to make it up to you with a mailbag and this nice refreshing glass of Kool-Aid.

Any questions?


 
Filed under:

Mailbag questions. You heard me.

  1. Dear Scott:

    As you know Helena of Simco Grey has been fired. CTV has reported that a private detective was the source for the serious allegations that the PMO keeps referring to.

    Do you think that the PM's private dick, or anyone's private dick for that matter, should determine the tenure of a Cabinet Minister of the Crown?

    Thanks.

    • Dear Scott,

      As a follow-up question, several of us have noticed that you've been absent for a while. Have you been operating as a private dick?

      • More specifically, as the PM's private dick?

        Thanks.

  2. Dear Scott,

    Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?

    Thanks

    • Yossarian! Is that you?

  3. Dear Mr. Feschuk,

    Please tell me more about this suicidal cult of yours.

    Thanks.

  4. Dear Scott,

    My Twitter feed no longer enlightens me with thoughts from the voice in the PM's head. What gives?

    • Good question: I thought maybe the voice had left town with harp's conscience. In search of his sex appeal.

    • Seriously, what happened? Did you cross some sort of line?

  5. What is the real story behind Harper and the orange tie?

    Is there a secret alliance/coalation with the NDP? Why is the RCMP saying nothing about this? And is Harper a member of your cult.

    • Ya, and, did you notice that Baird regularly wears and orange tie?

  6. Hey, Scott, thanks! Grape Kool-Aid! I looove Gr-ack… gasp… hurl… THUD!

    • RIP MYL

      • (Cough, Gasp, Faintest of Voices with hardly any air moving at all…)

        Never… got… daquiri…

        (Voice that couldn't trail off any fainter somehow trails off fainter…)

        Crit… my daquiri…

        (weak pathetic outstretch of arm before FINAL THUD)

  7. If you had to hit either Stephen Harper or Michael Ignatieff with a shovel whom would you choose and why?

    • Does he have to choose?

  8. Now that the PM has inexplicably kicked you out of his head, I'm left with no option but to conclude that you are currently under RCMP investigation. What are the allegations?

  9. Scott,
    Way back when I decided I should cheer for Toronto sports teams. Sure it made things fun awhile back living here in Ottawa, but overall its been pretty clear I choose poorly. Also, I have voted, either in elections or leadership conventions for Stephane Dion, John Tory and Joe Clark. If I ever happen to stumble upon my soul mate, should I run for the hills and find her opposite, or continue to stick with my gut and stay?

    • If your prospective soul mate is also a Toronto fan, my guess is the two of you deserve each other. But I have no doubt Scott will do better than this.

      • I wouldn't have it any other way.

        So much for the e-wedding I was planning for us though.

        • What kind of twiste necrophiliac are you? Have a look upthread — I'm pining for the fjords, you perv.

          Hmm, wait a sec. You want a Toronto fan. The necrophilia is starting to make some sense…

  10. Why do media sensationalize every story that involves Ministers, former MPs, criminal bikers, illegal lobbying, money laundering, cocaine and prostitutes?

    • Liberal bias.

    • The Ottawa media get so few of those stories that it's like catnip to them.

      • Perhaps the government needs more Ministers like Guergis to make this kind of story more and more routine. Eventually, editors will start to be move these stories from the front pages to the "Canada in Brief" section.

        Or in this case "Canada in Briefs."

  11. Dear Scott:

    Still waiting for the Busty Hookers.
    What gives?

    • Busty hookers don't give lap-dances in lawn chairs, you know.

      • No, I don't know. Please, enlighten us all — where do they give you lap dances?

        ;)

  12. Dear Scott:

    What the &*%^ is the matter with sports teams in Toronto? Do you have any advice for traumatized fans, or is suicide the only way for us to cope with a situation that doesn't appear to be changing soon? Can you at least come up with some fictional curse (such as the Bambino one that Boston had) that can not only explain Toronto's sports mediocrity, but entertain us in the process?

    Regards,

    Tortured Torontonian

  13. I'm an Edmontonian, and everywhere I hear people debating: Tyler or Taylor?

    Who are Tyler and Taylor, and who are these people who care?

  14. Dear Scott,

    Why are separatists so easily offended?

    Many thanks,

    CR

    • Yeah, like Maclean's and its boycotted friend L'Actualité really want Feschuk to dive into that one, after ironie délicieuse

      • I know it's unlikely he'll be allowed to respond, but I figure it's worth a shot.

  15. Hate to dwell on this story, but any tips on how Rahim can "Stay Classy" at this point?

    More importantly, any advice on how he might hang on to his wife?

  16. Dear Mr Feschuk,

    Our senior management is reviewing staffing levels and included this sentence in a recent message to all staff about these upcoming changes.

    "We will create a new coordination committee to operationalize our strategic policy priorities in a coherent resource context."

    Does this mean I get to keep my job, or am I f…ed?

    Thanks.

    • Start looking for carboard boxes and get thee to the supply cabinet.

      Unless you're named to the committee, then double lock the supply cabinet…

  17. Which riding is Chad Kroeger planning to run in, and what do you think of his chances?

  18. I read today that the National Gallery is spending 1.6 million tax dollars to display photos of people having sex and a guy who "manipulates dead stufffed animals."

    How many busty hookers could someone get for that kind of scratch?

  19. Dear Scott:

    Is there any truth to the rumour that Scarlett Johansson is going to star in a new TV movie featuring busty hookers?

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