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Mailbaggedness


 

Note: The Mailbag will be up sometime this afternoon. In the meantime, I invite you to peruse this column about personal lubricant and Murder, She Wrote.

The long weekend is over. I am sunburned (thanks to golf) and angry (thanks to golf and also Lost). This is the right frame of mind for a maibag.

Questions welcomed below.


 
Filed under:

Mailbaggedness

  1. Scott,
    I have decided to use the finale of Lost to my own advantage. I intend on going up to various women, saying don't your remember and hoping it works with one of them. At first glance, my plan is foolproof, but I'm always looking for a second opinion. Are there any possible drawbacks to my scenario?

  2. Yes, you don't make any sense…….in the grammatical sense, as well as the Lost lack of sense sense.

    • I liked you better in the whale.

  3. Feschuk

    Can you ask Potter if he went to Brooklyn to have tea in Alec Duffy's living room? Thanks.

  4. Dear Scott,

    I watched the very first episode of Lost, but nothing else. Having seen one episode, I decided that it wasn't my cup of tea. Lately, I've been hearing a lot about that series, which seems to be utterly and intentionally confusing, and I've been hearing a lot about the recent series finale, with this weird purgatory/church deal that doesn't really wrap up all the loose ends in a satisfying way.

    My question is this: Have I missed out?

  5. Dear Scott,

    I watched the very first episode of Lost, but nothing else. Having seen one episode, I decided that it wasn't my cup of tea. Lately, I've been hearing a lot about that series, which seems to be utterly and intentionally confusing, and I've been hearing a lot about the recent series finale, with this weird purgatory/church deal that doesn't really wrap up all the loose ends in a satisfying way.

    My question is this: Have I missed out?

    Yours,
    CR.

  6. Dear Scott,

    I watched the very first episode of Lost, but nothing else. Having seen one episode, I decided that it wasn't my cup of tea. Lately, I've been hearing a lot about that series, which seems to be utterly and intentionally confusing; I've also heard mention of the recent series finale, with some weird purgatory/church deal that doesn't really wrap up all the loose ends in a satisfying way.

    All of which brings us to my question: Have I missed out?

    Yours,
    CR.

  7. Dear Scott,

    You recently called Stephen Harper "Mr. Bubbles" because he is "too chicken to answer the genuine, spontaneous queries of a few wonky kids." Are there any other former PM's with weird and/or shallow personalities that you have any nicknames for?

    Yours,
    MacCross

  8. Dear Scott,

    The Jason Kenney leadership campaign recently approached me to secure my support. I dont care about the merits of his abilities as a politician, but in your honest opinion, does he have a chance to win? What are his biggest impediments to unmitigated power?

      • Whoops – meant to add that one should have real life experiences to lead don't you think?

  9. Has PEI proved Helena Guergis right that Charlottetown is indeed a "shithole" by paying Regis and Kelly a million dollars to film their show there?

  10. Has PEI proved that Helena Guergis was, in fact, correct in calling Charlottetown a "@#$%-hole" in paying Regis and Kelly a million dollars to film their show there?

  11. Is a maibag some kind of exotic cocktail, perhaps similar to a Mai Tai? Yours pedantically, …

  12. Dear Scott,

    Imagine you are on an air plane with Stephen Harper and Michael Ignatieff, the plane is going down, there are only two parachutes, you have one, who gets the other one?

    Yours,
    Fred

    • If you ever end up in a scenario where you have to choose between Harper and Ignatieff, you should probably recognize that your life might not be worth saving.

    • The pilot, obviously.
      Or failing that, some important piece of luggage you don't want getting broken.

      • The pilot jumped out of the plane and caused it to go down. He could not stand to listen to Harper, Ignatieff and Feschuk anymore and really who can blame him.

    • reserve (back-up) chute? You can never be too safe….

  13. Happy May Two-Four, Scott.

    So, I was wondering. Was it Victoria or Dollard who was the patriote?

    Best,

    MYL

  14. Dear Scott,

    Is it better to be funny-ha-ha or funny-peculiar?

    Thank you,
    Anon

    • You should ask someone with more experience in either.

  15. Now that most TV series have had their season finales, what's the best way to avoid reality in the evenings until the next season kicks off? Booze? Drugs? Video games? CPAC?

    • The way I avoid reality Canadian style: Booze and drugs on a canoe.

  16. Dear Scott,

    Whither light, night and through?

    Thanks!

  17. Dear Scott: As you know, the Tories in the UK have formed a coalition with the Liberal Democrats. In the context of the recently unveiled Olympics 2012 mascots, can you picture such a coalition here, with Harper as PM and Layton as his Deputy PM? Thanks.

  18. Dear Scott,

    Should I start wearing skinny ties to work, or will I just look like a hipster tool if I do?

    • Keep in mind you have to have the right collar to pull off the skinny tie, figuratively speaking; I have had to reconsider my skinny ties after learning that. I don't have any shirts with the right kind of collar.

  19. Dear Scott:

    In the spirit of the upcoming World Cup, if you were to create a soccer team not (necessarily) of actual soccer talent but more of Canadian ministers, dignitaries, or dilettantes…who'd be on it?

    And what would their soccer cheer be?

    Cheers from a budding soccer fan,

    LynnTO

  20. Dear Scott,

    The finale of Lost versus the finale of 24 versus the finale of Dallas. Which is the worst for fans and/or humanity?

  21. The World Cup is coming up. Which team should I pretend to have an affinity for when dealing with colleagues-who-somehow-care-about-soccer?

  22. Dear Scott,

    Do you think I could pull off a Justin Beiber style hairdo?

    • Have you been practising the double-hair-flick thing?

      • I've been practicing on my video camera but until I get the actual hair cut I don't think I'll be able to judge if I'm "flicking" properly. Without the Beiber hair, it just looks like I've got a nervous tick or something.

    • It would be easy to pull of a Justin Bieber style hairdo, if said hairdo was a cheap toupe.

    • It's a revised 60's do. Just take a look at old photos of McCartney when the Beatles first became a sensation – around 1965 – same do

  23. Dear Scott,

    Did you know that there is a town called "Swastika" in Kirkland Lake, ON? Also, did you know that actor Alan Thicke is from Kirkland Lake? You do the math.

  24. Dear Scott

    I've been watching Coronation Street. David Platt is played by a guy called Jack Shepherd. I'm confused. What, exactly, is going on?

    • Don't you dare get me started on Corrie St. That David, he's such a little tosser!

  25. Has there ever, in the long and colourful history of drug lords, been a better drug lord name then Dudus Coke?

  26. Dear Scott –

    How about this Ottawa heat? (If you truly a Canadian you will, of course, have a well-considered and lengthy opinion about the weather).

    • It isn't the heat, it's the humidity.

  27. Feschuk;

    What's the coolest thing that MPs have bought (sorry, 'expensed') with our tax cash that we will never know about? Something pedestrian like a hot tub? Or something exotic, like a Gurkha platoon (cleverly disguised as Mohawk Warriors) to guard the North Shahbucktoh Lieberal constituency office from terrorist attacks by those damn Freemasons?

    Alternatively, is there really any point to camping in a national park on a long weekend if you can't get falling down sloshed?

  28. Oh, and are you mad about the golfing because you lost a father/son grudge match to Dave? He's such a nice young lad, why be mad at him?

  29. Dear Scott,

    Do you know what really bugs me. Can I tell you. Can I tell you what drive me nuts. Have you noticed that the new thing is to not put question marks at the end of questions. Isn't it annoying as hell. What's the deal with that anyway. Who started that.

    Yours, etc.
    Boogie

    • Agreed but it's the abuse of apostrphes (apostrophe's anyone?) that really tick me off.

      • and I hit send just as I saw my own typo. Somebody kill me.

  30. Some brilliant wag (http://technology.canoe.ca/2010/05/25/14085536.html) has created a add-on to your web browser to make Justin Bieber disappear from the Interweb (as far as you can tell).

    Are there other personalities (e.g., Kirsty Ally), products (e.g., Jenny Craig) or concepts (e.g., weigh-loss reality programs) you would include in this amazing black hole?

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