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Mailbaggenstein


 

UPDATE: This extended silence is poor form on my part – I apologize. Just a tremendous amount of work and travel, and now more on the horizon. (“Feschuk.Reid” may need to become “Feschuk.Reid.SomeoneElseWhoCanType.”) With vacation looming as well, let’s call it a hiatus. I’ll be back in a little over a month.

I am preparing to host the National Magazine Awards (in Toronto), two more Maclean’s Taste dinners (in Calgary and Vancouver) and the World Championships of Clothes Removal, Starlet Division (in my mind). But if there are questions, there shall be a mailbag this week. It is so declared!


 
Filed under:

Mailbaggenstein

  1. Dear Scott,

    For the one billion dollar price tag for security at the G8/G20 summit, it seems like we could have bought something a lot more wacky than just a bunch of extra police officers on the scene. Now, police are good and all, but I'm sure for that price we could have gotten a giant, mechanical, steam-powered spider ala Wild Wild West. Or at least a few laser-clad sharks for harbour patrol. Give us some entertainment for our squandered dollars, ya know? Anyway, if you had a billion dollars to "enhance" summit security, what would you buy?

  2. Dear Scott: I dare you to draw parallels between Brian Mulroney and Bill Clinton. Go ahead. Try it. Thanks.

  3. In terms of your awards show hosting duties, will you be hosting the event in a similar vein to say a Hugh Jackman or Billy Crystal? Or will you set more of a Chris Rock/David Letterman tone for the evening?

    Oh and I assume the Magazine Awards offers its host one of those cool rock star riders (you know, like a bowl full of M&Ms in your dressing room but with all the orange ones pre-removed). Can you ask them for a pyramid made of KFC Double Downs and then let me try one?

  4. Would you swing by Edmonton on your trip if I bought you a beer? :)

  5. How would you stop the oil leak in the Gulf? And what cool name would you give your technique?

  6. Who would you rather share a life raft with? Andrew Coyne or Paul Wells.

  7. Scott: What with Lady Gaga's recent disclosure that she has tested positive for Lupus, do you anticipate a sudden rush of other celebrities detailing their own positive medical test results?

  8. Scott: What's the deal with the Maclean's Taste Dinners? Not having bought a Maclean's magazine in awhile, I assume you folks still don't do restaurant reviews. So, what's the point of a Taste Dinner? Purely to whore yourself out to BMO and get people to use/acquire BMO credit cards?

  9. Scott: When in doubt, do you pull the trigger?

    • Hell yes. And the only thing you should feel afterwards is recoil.

  10. Have you considered combining the "Taste Dinner" and "Clothes Removal, Starlet Division" events?

  11. You should see if Sean is available to co-host the Magazine Awards with you. Lighten your load a little. Hopefully it's the same night as piano.

  12. You seem like a guy with good taste. In your opinion, what would be the ideal outfit for MPs to wear on their summer BBQ circuit?

  13. Dear Scott,

    Hypothetically, if you were a cabinet minister, would you film an infomercial for a chemical cleaning company that would be shown exclusively to the Chinese military? if not, why?

  14. "How will it be when we take power?” Ms. Nijmeijer asked in one entry. “The wives of the commanders in Ferrari Testa Rossas with breast implants eating caviar?” via Potter
    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/29/world/americas/

    Feschuk I would like to know what it would be like if you took power? Does Ferraris, implants and caviar sound good or do you have something else in mind?

  15. Should Brian Mulroney be asked to return the $2.1 million, I'm guessing he'll turn his pockets inside out and cry "poor".
    Any idea what services he might render to settle up?

  16. Based on your Olympics coverage, I know Chris Pronger is one of your favourite hockey players. Do you have any suggestions for what he might do with the pucks he is grabbing at the end of each playoff game as part of his "puck caper" antics?

  17. Brian Mulroney; Sara Ferguson; cash; hotel rooms

    Discuss

  18. Hey Scott,
    Are you running BP these days? I know you have a special affinity for robots (remember those robot nurses… man, I sure do). So when I saw that robot submarines were going to save the Gulf of Mexico, I immediately thought of you. Anyway, just wondering?
    Unusual Plant

  19. Dear Scott,

    A recent poll suggests that an NDP-Liberal coalition could oust the Tories – but only if led by Jack Layton. This raises a number of important questions. For instance, who would be appointed deputy moustache groomer in this hypothetical coaltion? What colour banner should this new coalition adopt? (Does not red and orange simply make more orange? What would we name this new orange? Sienna? Deep Ochre? Burnt Orange?) Most importantly, is this all part of Jack's subtle revenge for your unflattering April column? Enquiring minds want to know!

    Dirty Old Town

  20. 30 white horses upon a red hill, first they clamp, then stamp and then they stand still. What are they?

    • Riddles just aren't as much fun since they invented Google.

  21. Dear Scott:

    Now that hockey season is almost over, it's a perfect time for us to turn our minds to improving and re-evaluating the rules of our national winter sport. I've always thought live badgers would be a welcome addition to the game. Your thoughts?

    Redzimmer

  22. Scott,
    I've been attempting to tell this great joke I heard. John Baird is Parliamentarian of the Year! Problem is, people don't seem to know which part is the punchline. Is it my delivery? Am I missing a part? I can never tell a joke properly. Anyways, any help on how to make sure I can get people to laugh at this would be appreciated.

  23. Scott

    How does one spend 1 beeellion dollars on G20 security and more importantly how can I get in on this gravy train?

    I'm thinking that building a temporary G20 police state must be a top 10 Harper fantasy and he basically wrote a blank (taxpayer) cheque.

    Dreaming that the big CONservative pork barrel will fall in my back yard,
    Tceh

  24. Why must I wait so long for the mailbag? I am sitting at work bored and all I want to do is see a new mailbag. You are too busy. Quit all other forms of employment and continue writing mailbags!

    • Seriously! How much of my paid working time does Scott expect me to waste checking back here every 10 minutes?

  25. Scott,

    I'm late but so are you so I'll throw this one in the pot.

    I understand Preston Manning has convinced an Alberta oil CEO to donate millions to set-up a new educational program at Carleton University for political staffers. What skills would one learn in this program and how would $15 million and a year at Carleton have made you a better political staffer?

    Jonah

  26. M.C. Feschuk,

    Where you at?

    • I think maybe Scott is considering running for public office. He's trying out "statements which are no longer operative"

      I will continue to try to wait patiently….

    • Well, he's still updating his Twitter feed, which tells us two things: First, he hasn't choked to death on a fish bone or met some other, equally ignoble demise, and second, he still has fingers enough to type. I can only presume he no longer cares about us, and will spend the day weeping with my Scott Feschuk manllow. ( http://www.etsy.com/shop/manllow )

  27. I is disappoint Scott!

    • Maybe it's time to take this into our own hands.

      I know that we'll never approach the wit or insight and general all-around humourositiness of Scott, but I challenge everyone who watches this blog to answer one or more of these pending questions a la Scott Feschuk.

      It will give us readers a reason to live for a little while until Mr. Feschuk resurfaces. The alternative would be to work. Ugghhhh.

      • I agree, but suggest our replies focus on just one question:

        Where is Feschuk?

        A: He has not recovered from running into Kirstie Alley at the Taste Dinners, then at the Clothes Removal Championship, where he was mistakely assigned the Heavyweight Division.

        Your move, interwebs!

  28. The wait is excrutiating. But try this out ….. I've taken to reading his old posts. They're hilarious, even the second time 'round. AND I actually came across a couple I'd missed! YAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!

  29. Thanks for the update Scott. I was starting to think you had a better gig elsewhere. I was even checking Ignatieff's latest speeches for your unique writing style & sense of humour.

  30. Dear Scott,

    What are your suggestions for making CPAC more interesting to watch?

    Kristen

  31. Scott,

    Toronto is so good at hosting stuff. What do you think of us hosting our own Stampede? And how pissed do you think the people in Calgary would be?

    AMM

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