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michael jackson is trying not to draw attention to himself by going out in the middle of the day in PJs (worst. recluse. ever.)


 

Michael Jackson seems frailer of health than ever – and his sense of style ain’t exactly in fine fettle, either.

Jackson – long ago deposed as King of Pop, but still recognized by most governments as Mayor of Crazytown and the Seventh Earl of Caucasian – was spotted recently being wheeled into a Las Vegas bookstore in pajamas, a doctor’s mask and a very garish trucker hat. For a second there I thought Ashton Kutcher had joined the cast of ER.

Witnesses report of Jackson that, “The skin on his hands was peeling like a snake.” They seemed alarmed, but this condition is nothing to be concerned about – his skin peeling is just nature’s way of telling him that he’s undergoing the transformation from young, child-fondling pervert to dirty old man. Next symptom: the chronically open bathrobe.

Even amid evidence of iffy health, there continues to be speculation that Jackson will attempt to revive his career by launching a big Las Vegas show of his own, following in the dainty, stiletto-heeled footsteps of Celine Dion, Cher and Elton John.

The Wall Street Journal reported a while back that private equity firm Colony Capital LLC had stepped in to give Jackson some financial breathing room, temporarily reducing the likelihood that his Neverland Ranch will face foreclosure. But Colony is going to want something for its efforts – and, whaddaya know, it just so happens to own the Las Vegas Hilton.

A Vegas residency could happen for Jackson. After all, his presence would fit into the city’s existing marketing efforts, in that decaying fragments of Jackson’s nose would at all times stay in Vegas. And it wasn’t that long ago that the singer was drawing up plans for a 50-foot robotic version of himself, capable of shooting lasers from its eyes, to be built outside any hotel where he’d perform. (Frankly, it was nice to see Jackson growing humble with age: there was a time when he would have insisted on a 100-foot robotic version of himself, minimum, to be built entirely by chimpanzees who shot laser from their eyes.)

Alas, not everyone was comfortable with the proposed project. Opposition to the 50-foot robotic statue of Michael Jackson was mounted by some Vegas residents and by the town’s 30-foot robotic statues of young white boys in their underwear.


 
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michael jackson is trying not to draw attention to himself by going out in the middle of the day in PJs (worst. recluse. ever.)

  1. Another Feschuked-up blog entry on nothing of any consequence. Please make it stop.

  2. See all those pretty words in other colours? They’re called links. You can choose to follow them, or not. Feel free to click elsewhere.

  3. I heartily agree with D. If there is one thing I expect at a satirical website called “Feschuk on the Famous”, it’s a blog entry of the most earthshaking consequence. I had just assumed it was about famous AIDS epidemics, or famous collapsing ice shelfs. This is the last time I’ll fall for your deceitful wordsmithery, Feschuk!

  4. “wordsmithery” , fantasic!

  5. For shame, Mr. Feschuk! Michael Jackson isn’t famous! Not now! The young women I’ve never heard of who star on the drivel TV evening soaps I never watch are the famous ones now! Report on them! What’s up with them?!!

  6. Did I read that right? The Seventh Earl of Caucasian! – That is brilliant and it works on so many levels. Old MJ gives me the major creepies and the parents of those children offered up to him on a platter should be the real ones in court!

  7. Earth-shattering and newsworthy? I think not although I am old enought to remember when MJ was the king of pop. Hilarious? Definitely. I always look forward to Festering Chuck’s columns/blogs. Keep up the great wordsmithery, and ignore the slings and arrows of outrageous whiners.

  8. I think it’s very good that he’s reading, and if a couple of shares of John Deere stock get him back to feeling good again, then maybe skin peeling – for both male and female – will stop being both a beauty treatment, and an attitude.

    Couple of cups of coffee and some vitamins, he’ll be good as new. It all starts with feeling strong again. Hurray for art and fifty foot versions of your own inner strength. Ahem.

    Can I hear an Amen? Thank you.

  9. AHH U ASSSHOLE Y DNY U GET A LIFEEE ND STOP MAKIN FUN OF CELEBERTIES CUZ WE ALL KNO DAT U JUST JEALOUS OF THEM ND HAV NUTHIN BETTER 2 DO

  10. how could that happen

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