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Monday Caption Challenge No. 3

Your turn to make Scott Feschuk laugh


 

For logistics-based reasons, I’m posting the Monday challenge on Sunday. As you read this, please be advised that it is NOT Monday – unless you are reading this on Monday, in which case please be advised that Couples Retreat is NOT a good movie.

The challenge, as always: To regard the assigned photograph – of famed Olympian Barbara Ann Scott having the cheek to spark up a Cheech-grade doobie smack in the middle of the House of Commons, and boy doesn’t Jim Flaherty in particular look delighted at this unexpected turn of events – and devise within your mind a caption of such astonishing insight and/or hilarity that grown men the world over have no choice but to tip their fedoras in your general direction and say something along the lines of “Indeed!” or “Very much so!”

Finalists will be announced Tuesday morning, followed by voting, followed by the victor being rewarded with a $30 gift certificate from Amazon.ca (all part of my foolproof plan to subtly nudge Amazon.ca into sponsoring this challenge, or alternately to drive Heather Reisman into such a bubbling rage of jealousy that Chapters steps in and does it instead), followed by widespread grouching that the wrong entry won, followed by me not caring.


 
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Monday Caption Challenge No. 3

  1. Stand and applaud, people, or the Mace is toast!

    • Is it just me, or is anyone else having problems viewing Page#2 of comments?
      When I click "2" or "next", it simply displays the message "loading comments".
      Anyone?

  2. PM Harper: "Wow, look at the size of that flame! Baird must be so jealous!"

  3. "With his symbolic helmet numbered 451 on his stolid head, and his eyes all orange flame with the thought of what came next, he flicked the igniter and the house jumped up in a gorging fire that burned the evening sky red and yellow and black.

    Harper strode in a swarm of fireflies. He wanted above all, like the old joke, to shove a marshmallow on a stick in the furnace, while the flapping pigeon-winged books of parliamentary procedure and legal precedent died on the lawn of the house. While the hansard went up in sparkling whirls and blew away on a wind turned dark with burning.

    Harper grinned the fierce grin of all men singed and driven back by flame."

    – With notes from Ray Bradbury

  4. "Arson, after all, is an artificial crime…A large number of houses deserve to be burnt" ~ H. G. Wells

  5. All right…which one of you is Tiger?

  6. Clement: with Globalive, I can post this picture to facebook from my phone at the low rate of £3 (EGP)!

    • Clement: "I'm crushing your head!!!"

  7. And now we will commence the burning of the Rules books!

    • Be it resolved that a joke about book burning is not the ideal strategy when the prize is a gift-card from a bookstore.

  8. If Mr. Layton weighs the same as a duck….

    • Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?

  9. What you don't see, and where Barbara Ann Scott is looking, is over at the Opposition leaders, tied to stakes and about to become toast, after a unanimous vote among Conservative MP's declaring them to be heretics or warlocks.

  10. "Delivery for Hedy Fry -half of the burning cross from Prince George that you ordered."

  11. And they won't let me in the visitor's gallery with my Greenpeace T-shirt?

  12. Flaherty: "I told you it wasn't a bad idea to lock Peter up in that dungeon."

  13. It worked for Indiana Jones in the pit of snakes, so a desperate Scott hoped it might work now.

  14. Conservatives cheer before the last remnants of the Old Parliament are swept away by the peaceful flame of amateur sport.

  15. Gonna burn this mother down. It's the only option left.

    • The roof… the roof….. the roof is on fire… We don't need no water, let the…….

  16. What's that smell? How the hell did John Turner sneak in next to the Right Honourable the Prime Minister?

  17. Little did they know that famed Olympian Barbara Ann Scott actually had sparked up a Cheech-grade doobie smack in the middle of the House of Commons….Question Period that day was the model of civility.

  18. Okay Con caucus – smile serenely, the camera is on us and this will end the detainee scandal – damn, it didn't work.

  19. "Clap and smile all you want, but I'm serious. World War One's soldiers called – and they want their torch back."

  20. THE SPEAKER: Oh no, not again! (aside to the Sergeant-at-Arms) Quick! Go close those big doors to the Library, so we can save it again this time!

  21. "If MacKay survives the flames, he is obviously a witch. If he burns, he was innocent."

  22. "I'd like to see Keith Martin try and screw around with *this* Mace…"

  23. Or, "Being a former Olympic athele, Ms Scott was, even at her age, able to outrun the folks carrying pitchforks into the Chamber, and thus had to wait for their arrival before 'dispersing' honourable members for the Christmas recess."

  24. … and then the House spontaneously broke into their own version of Jim Morrison's "Come-on Baby Light My Fire"!

  25. Harper "Photo op going well, photographers barred from taking pictures that don't include government caucus…but why isn't she wearing a CPC toque?"

  26. As I said in the Senate yesterday, anybody need a light for their joint?

  27. Don't…. Bo-gart that joint… my friend.
    Pass it over… to me.

  28. Harper: I'll be damned if I'm paying more than a billion dollars in restoration costs… Flaherty is the insurance paid?

  29. Barbara Ann Scott – Canada's very own Guy Fawkes!!

    "Remember, remember, the tenth of December
    The Gunpowder Treason and plot ;
    I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
    Should ever be forgot.
    Barb Scott, Barb Scott,
    
'Twas her intent.
    
To blow up Harper and the Parliament.

    Three score barrels of powder below.
    
Poor old Canada to overthrow.

    By God's providence she was catch'd,

    With a dark lantern and burning match."

  30. Barbara Ann Scott – Canada's very own Guy Fawkes!!
    "Remember, remember, the tenth of December
    The Gunpowder Treason and plot ;
    I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
    Should ever be forgot.
    Barb Scott, Barb Scott,
    'Twas her intent.
    To blow up Harper and the Parliament.
    Three score barrels of powder below.
    Poor old Canada to overthrow.
    By God's providence she was catch'd,
    With a dark lantern and burning match."

  31. "The first one who tries to take the fire stick away from me gets the whole flaming mess right up the a s s"

  32. [House Speaker, two minutes later:]

    The honourable member has proposed adjournment and orderly exit from the, quote, rapidly smoke-filling deathtrap, unquote. Do I have a seconder?…All in favour…motion carried."

  33. [overheard in the press gallery]:

    -"Awesome you rejigged the torch route to go right through the House floor."

    -"That's nothing. The next guy runs it right through Duceppe's salle de bains."

  34. "Mr. Prime Minister, Honourable MPs, I'm so thrilled to carry the torch in the House of Commons. It brings back many happy memories. In fact, I haven't been surrounded by this much 'flying camel spin' since Dick Buttons invented the manoeuvre in 1948."

  35. Tony Clement, Pong wizard.

  36. I love the smell of GHG in the morning!

  37. "Although few observers were surprised that the Canadian populace had finally decided to burn down their unwieldy and ineffectual house of government, they were not expecting its inhabitants to applaud their own fiery deaths."

    Alternatively: "This room hasn't seen something so flaming since Sven Robinson left town."

  38. Barbara Ann Scott – Canada's very own Guy Fawkes!!

    "Remember, remember, the tenth of December
    The Gunpowder Treason and plot ;
    I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
    Should ever be forgot.
    Barb Scott, Barb Scott,
    
'Twas her intent.
    
To blow up Harper and the Parliament.

    Three score barrels of powder below.
    
Poor old Canada to overthrow.

    By God's providence she was catch'd,

    With a dark lantern and burning match."

    • AHA! Someone with talent, finally ….

  39. BAS: " So let this be a warning to you, if you make me come back in here again i'll bring the bloody flamethrower".

  40. BAS: " What do you mean the olympic torch shouldn't be in here…i could have sworn i saw a notice saying CPoC this way!

  41. John Baird looks for the exit after realizing he is the most flammable cabinet minister available.

  42. Hedy Fry: 'torches are burning right in Parliament…as we speak!'

  43. "As winter mercilessly took its toll and the temperature inside the Little House plummeted, nobody on the Prairies believed in global warming anymore; but Lloyd Robertson's granddaughter had an invention that just might help." Laura Ingalls Wilder

  44. It was only a matter of time after Svend Robinson retired from federal politics, that another flamer joined the House of Commons.

  45. Al Gore may have invented the internet, but look at this thing we call "fire".

  46. Let's have some applause for medical marijuana!

  47. Ok i just heard the pilot light has gone out in this place…which way to the democratic boiler room?

  48. Duuude, you're getting a run in it.!

    -or-

    So this is, you called it, heart-warming?

  49. Greenpeace activist attempts to burn down Parliament. Conservatives seen cheering.

  50. Show and tell:

    A hands on demonstration to the Conservative bench of man's evolutionary progression

    …chpt 1. The discovery of fire.

    …cht 2. Were dinosaurs or Conservatives around 6 thousand years ago?

    • Ah…Jarrid must have been by.

  51. That's right, keep your eyes on the nice bright flamme. While you're distracted, Canada's reputation is going up in smoke! Dance, puppets, dance!

  52. That's right, keep your eyes on the nice bright flamme.
    While you're distracted, Canada's reputation is going up in smoke!
    Dance, puppets, dance!

  53. IntenseDebate is hiding the second and third pages of submissions. This contest is rigged, I tell you! Rigged!

  54. Peter MacKay had to know that "borrowing" Ms Scott's skates to get around questions in yesterday's QP was a bad idea. Now, torch in hand, Barbara Ann Scott has come to collect.

    (Sidebar: what's with Clement, Aglukkaq, and a backbencher doing the amateur photography thing? They can get copies of the better-quality photos for free, I'm sure…)

  55. At long last!! Finally, the old-fashioned commie witch hunt returns to the House of Commons.

  56. We can't hear you Gilles, and no, it does not benefit Quebec in any way.!

  57. Remember the days when Canada actually won gold medals

  58. Where's the fuse ?

  59. "The Prime Minister announced in the House last week that he has a new solution to the problem of strident partisan bickering."

  60. Barbara Ann Scott channeling her best impression of Al Pacino from Scent of a Woman: "Out of order, I show you out of order. You don't know what out of order is, Mr. Speaker. I'll show you, I'm not too old, I'm not too tired. I 'm still the woman I was fity years ago, and I'm taking a FLAMETHROWER to this place!"

  61. Like many Canadians, Barbara Ann carries a torch for days gone by, when politicians were civil and could even be considered role models

  62. Harper, thinking to himself: That white bodysuit of pure intentions, the blue cape of conservatism, the red gloves of vanquished Liberal dreams, the great flame of moral indignation: it could all make an excellent outfit for my next election campaign. I'll ditch the fuzzy sweater and be Mr. Super Conservative!! Oh wait! Never mind, that hood would mess my hair.

  63. Rather than presenting a budget with another $60 billion dollar deficit and facing endless questions about possible war crimes and the future of the planet, the Finance Minister issued a 138 character economic update via Twitter during naval war games just off the shores of Antarctica. The update cut non-military program spending by 90%, outlined a new 6 month $25 billion plan to purchase a fleet of used nuclear powered stealth sailboats for the navy, and abolished the Senate and Supreme Court effective immediately. The tweet was later tabled in the House of Commons following the Harper government's annual two minute post-prorogation Throne Speech and was commemorated for all of eternity by burning down of the House of Commons. Octogenarian and former Olympian Barbara Ann Scott (pictured above) became the first celebrity ‘House Burner' after beating out Don Cherry and Rick Hillier in a ctv.ca website poll that was the culmination of a six month $250 million Heritage Canada public awareness campaign. Congratulations Barbara Ann!

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