Mr. Bubble - Macleans.ca
 

Mr. Bubble


 

I honestly don’t care whether the PMO actually rewrote questions to Stephen Harper at yesterday’s whatcha-ma-whosit about whatever-it-was. What difference does it make? Screened them, rewrote them, reimagined them, invented them… it’s all the same. Stage-managing events is part of any leader’s political arsenal, but come on – are we really being led by a man too chicken to answer the genuine, spontaneous queries of a few wonky kids. What a coward. Ooooo, our poor wittle Pwime Minister is soooo afwaid of what those mean wittle childwen might ask him. WE MUST PWOTECT HIM!!

And one more thing, youngsters: Please whisper when addressing the PM or you might break him.

How sad it must be as Prime Minister to live in constant fear of being exposed to a query that hasn’t been massaged by Dimitri Soudas or bought a drink and tongue-kissed by Mike Duffy. The last time Harper was exposed to a genuine question, it ended with the words: “…fries with that?” And then Dimitri got out of the limo, berated the drive-thru cashier for his impudence and rewrote the question as, “How great are our Olympians again?”


 
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Mr. Bubble

  1. Can we please get you a show that runs in the off-season of RMR, because I really miss rants like the one you just spewed.

    It may be just me, but I also think your mailbag responses would translate well to TV.

    • Remember: if video killed the radio star, what on earth would happen if Scott moved from print to TV? I dunno; I've never seen a moving image of him, let alone his voice…

      But I agree that this entry is a classic.

      • Two words:

        Ralph Benmurghi!

        Dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…

  2. That's what happens when every answer has to be prefaced, in the so-called leader's head, with "what would John Howard's speech writer say?"

  3. LOL,
    winner of the most immature post on Macleans in 2010,
    so far!
    Baby talk is sooooooo becoming a Liberal supporter when they trash the Prime Minister….

    • "winner of the most immature post on Macleans in 2010"

      Wilson is bitter that he's no longer the undisputed all-time champion.

      Zing!

  4. You almost wonder why this man ever got into politics given that he seems to despise every aspect of it, except for the limousines and the stage-managed and taxpayer-funded photo-ops.

    And yet, Iggy can't get anywhere with him, what with his thinkers' conference, and big ideas, and who knows what else.

    • No, no. Politics first, bitter resentment comes after.

      Trust me on this.

  5. Mr. Feschuk, If you can't be funny at least be factual. This is in the category of silly rant.

    • OK, I'll bite: where's the factual error? Did Mike Duffy also fondle the questions?

      • He was offered an apple turnover, not fries, you communist.

        • Also, the cashier wasn't berated for his impudence, but for his lack of support for our troops.

      • I`ll admit SF is one of the few guys around here who are really laugh-out loud funny sometimes. But, would one of the fellow Liberals here please tell him that this weirdly, sexual-connotation, obsessiveness he has with the Duffster really has to stop.

        • Please don't ever put sexuality and mike duffy in a sentence again.

    • There ARE no silly rants. A rant is a rant is a rant…you just don't agree with his hilarious take on a ridiculous subject, that's all.

  6. During times of high outrage (the Cadman scandal, prorogation, the endless Afghan detainee scandal), I often find myself fantasizing about the perfect question to put to the PM in a public forum that will capture my concerns and be difficult for him to evade.

    Then I realize that I'm fantasizing about asking the Prime Minister a question and that such a thing would never, ever, ever be permitted to occur.

    Then I'm usually sad for a while.

    • Ambushing the PM with embarrasing questions used to be the job of the CBC satire squad. Until they handcuffed Geri Hall.

      • That was a sad day for canadian comedy.

        Say what you will about Martin's stammering, he didn't avoid ridicule.

  7. I love that lest the students realize the prime minister is extremely uncool, they brought in his cool TV buddy Mike. I for one would think that kids today just love the duffster.

    • Duffy lunchboxes are a top seller

    • Hey there kids, how ya doin' today?
      Rappin' Mike Duffy has some things to say
      I'm a real pro, that's what I brought
      To the sober chamber of second thought

      Duffy can communicate, the cat can rap.
      It's really quite comfy on the PM's lap
      Duffy digs the street scene, he loves it dearly
      I'd even read the graffitti if they'd only print it clearly.

      Huh huh

      (With apologies to rappin ron reagan)

  8. I've got it! They're playing Duff Man and Homer so the kids will have a reference point.

  9. … and here I came looking for a post on that singer-guy that my sister likes; instead, all I find is a note-perfect slag on our PM in particular and our politics in general. sigh.

  10. Says the now impartial former chief speech writer for Mr Dithers.

    • mr dithers and mr bubble – I smell sitcom!

      • DITHERS Ummm,..have you seen my briefs?

        BUBBLES: (As he tucks papers behind his back.) Briefs!? Wha…?! Maybe look under..uh….the bed!

        DITHERS: Are you sure? I dunno…Okay!

        Dithers looks under the bed, only to find RAHEEM. Behind him, CHRISSY emerges.

        DITHERS: Raheem!? Chrissy!?

        Just then, Helena opens the door.

        HELENA: Have you seen….Raheem!

        RAHEEM: Uh-oh.

        DITHERS: What;s going on?

        RAHEEM: I was just…uh, helping…Chrissy….

        CHRISSY: (Giggles)…find my…

        DITHERS: (Helpfully)…contact lens?

        RAHEEM: Yes! Thanks, Dithers!

        BUBBLES: (Slaps forehead) What a mix-up!

        (Laughtrack and exuent.)

        BUBBLES:

        Cut to Helena looking

  11. Bullies are often the biggest cowards.

  12. When you have your opponents in the position of resorting to base taudry taunts,

    you know your doing it right.

    Translation to the above: I desperately wish my leader was as focused and on message. Instead I get a different angle depending on which way the wind is blowing. Today? Today we get Iggy telling us he's "more Canadian" because of his extensive out of country, Ivy league grooming.

  13. Kids exposing the PM — gotta love it!

    OK, so the PMO didn't rewrite the questions. So who did?

  14. Harper's staff is terrified that if he ever gets asked a real question, his head will explode and leave green brain goo all over them.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mars_Attacks!

  15. You still writing speeches for Liberals, Feschuk, or just do hatchet work now?
    This is hardly the Maclean's that won a reputation as Canada's weekly news magazine. Now it's just tripe.

    • How do you win a reputation?

      • Not enough curmudgeon for Lloyd. Maybe a feature story about those kids on his lawn and their blaring rock n roll.

        • LOL!