My impression of the potential Oscar nominees for Best Picture having only seen the trailers

For one thing, there’s lots of heartbreak


 

Revolutionary Road – Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet struggle to overcome despair and anguish in a stifling world where the only constants are heartbreak and suffering.

Doubt – Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman struggle to overcome anguish and despair in a judgmental world where the only constants are heartbreak and suffering.

Milk – Sean Penn struggles to overcome heartbreak and suffering in an intolerant world where the only constants are despair, anguish and agonizingly snug trousers.

The Reader – Despair, followed by heartbreak, followed by nudity, followed by anguish, followed by heartbreaking despair while nude.

Gran Torino – Clint Eastwood struggles to overcome heartbreak and fuel efficiency in a racially volatile world where the only constants are squinting and young people who won’t get the hell off his lawn.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett hope that if they act hard enough no one will notice that their movie’s premise is, when you think about it, pretty absurd.


 
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My impression of the potential Oscar nominees for Best Picture having only seen the trailers

  1. Why can’t the best film nominee be a comedy? How about Meet Dave, about the despair and agony of trying to find a laugh at any cost?

  2. Scott Feschuk struggles to overcome boredom and apathy in a self-consciously ironic world where the only constants are short attention spans and the need for a good chuckle every so often.

    Thanks, Scott! I appreciate your humour.

  3. Scott, I hate to see the world “only” misplaced. If you have “only seen the trailers,” as opposed to “seen only the trailers,” that suggests you might have done something else with the trailers, aside from “seeing” them. The imagination reels.

    • I too would hate to see the world misplaced, but in that case, perhaps the world ONLY being misplaced would be a good thing. After all, the world being misplaced and then subsequently destroyed would surely be worse than the world being only misplaced.

      Here’s a question though: If the world (the entire world) were “only” misplaced, would those of us on it notice?

      • Ah, I’ve corrected syntax with a typo, only to invite anguish and despair from a judgmental world.

    • Brian D. Johnson: you might consider that it is actually the word “seen” that is misplaced. If he had placed it after “only,” rather than before, we wouldn’t have this hateful situation to deal with.

      • hahahahaha this is the funniest comment EVER

  4. Where is the Monday mailbag?

  5. not a ton of questions or interest, alas, AKS.

  6. Any chance of a Steelers-Ravens liveblog? ;-)

    • As tempting as it is to liveblog our thoughts to tens of people, I think I’m going to spend conference championship sunday in a bar with a couple dozen old friends and several unwise wagers.

      • Fair enough. Just make sure the volume is turned up so you can catch the insightful analysis of Shannon Sharpe. These last two weekends of NFL football are precious!

  7. Clint Eastwood did a great job of using his outward crankiness to come across as mean as well as somehow heroic this newest film of his