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new barbie just like old barbie but 30% more attractive to charlie sheen


 

With sales of Barbies continuing to fall sharply, Mattel has announced it will try to compete with the ultra-popular Bratz dolls by making a more “suggestive” and modern Barbie that comes with leather mini-skirt and fishnet stockings.

What are some of the other features of the suggestive and modern Barbie?

  • The anatomically accurate vagina.
  • State-of-the-art mechanized insert automatically lifts halter top for boob flash.
  • Each doll comes with home pregnancy kit (Ken the abortionist sold separately).
  • Pull the string on her back and she says adorable phrases like “Oh my goodness, I’m running late for my job in porn!”
  • Cries real tears when Sheriff forecloses on Barbie Dream Mansion.
  • Special limited edition “DUI Barbie” features smeared mascara and matted hairdo for mug shot.
  • Hands rendered more lifelike so index finger can fit down throat.
  • Comes with three thongs, two pairs of shoes and a restraining order.
  • Old friends: Nikki and Teresa. New friend: Chloe the Naked Bisexual.
  • When girl who owns Barbie is asleep, Barbie slips into the girl’s brother’s room and makes out with Chewbacca.
  • Hired as new cast member on coming season of The Hills.

 

new barbie just like old barbie but 30% more attractive to charlie sheen

  1. Wow, seems like you have some serious issues with a little plastic doll. Maybe you should get some therapy?

  2. Wow, seems like you have some serious issues with humour. Maybe you should get some therapy?

  3. Scott, this just in … there’s even more new outfits and accessories for the new modernized slu … girl on the stre … town.

    A plan to put a doll in a box marked, “Crossdresser Ken”

    Awesome new strap-on and harness for more fun times (Metrosexual Ken sold separately)

    Flourescent orange county jail jumpsuit. Comes with “bracelets” suitable for dragging the wench off to the pokey. Pull the ring and she cries and screams for her mother.

    Piercing accessories for those you-know-where spots. Gold and silver studs and rings included!

    Our girl leaves the streets when Mummy and Daddy fork over the bucks for the new Fantasy Dominatrix Dungeon! (Leather harnesses and thigh high leather boots sold separately).

    Brilliant piece, Scott. Such a pity that irony and satire are lost on the likes of Harriet above!

    I’m still laughing!

  4. What are some of the other features of the suggestive and modern Barbie?

    13-episode contract for reality teevee show on CanWest-Global with cross-promotion at The National Post.

  5. What about the herpes?

  6. Should be very popular with parents who give their daughters stripper names, like Candi, Misty, Roxy etc.

  7. Given that the “Bratz” dolls are so blatantly
    sexual, is it really so hard to envision a
    future which trains girls and women to fit a mold
    which has been cast by Dirty Old Men? (Read “toy
    company execs & shareholders).

  8. i thought bratz dolls were dragqueens (the overdone eyemakeup, their passion for ‘glam’, those trashy disco pumps). in the spirit of competition wouldn’t it make more sense to give ken a bit of an update rather than barbie…a queen beats a straight in this competition

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