Olympic mailbag anyone? - Macleans.ca
 

Olympic mailbag anyone?

Anyone?


 

Ask your Olympic-themed question in the comments below. In the spirit of events taking place at Whistler, I’ll postpone my responses several times before actually revealing them.


 

Olympic mailbag anyone?

  1. http://www2.macleans.ca/2010/02/15/skate-equity/

    Dear Scott,

    Any idea what's gotten into Coyne? I depend on him to reaffirm my feelings of shame and inadequacy as a citizen of our democracy. And he gives me this?

    Confusedly yours,
    Sean

  2. Dear Scott,

    Now that you are an internationally-recognized journalist covering exceptional people performing impossible feats under intense pressure, how will you be able to return to monitoring the petty squabbles by the self-important gasbags on Parliament Hill?

    Signed,
    Apples or Oranges

  3. Dear Scott,

    I have an American brother-in-law who likes to poke fun at Canadian screw-ups.

    Any advice on how I can deal with the whole Olympic Torch "we fail to see the rise" glitch, next time we meet?

  4. Scott:

    Is there any truth to the rumour that Kirstey Alley will be competing in some of the ladies' speed skating events?

  5. Dear Scott,

    Is there any truth to the rumour that Dean Del Mastro will be joining the Canadian Luge team for the 2014 event? Weight and momentum could help him "own the podium" and prove he is indeed useful for something other than creating hot air.

    Sincerely
    Tceh

    • I read that as Canadian "Lug" team.

  6. Dear Scott,
    Dale Begg Smith clearly needs a nickname. I've narrowed it down to either Douche-Begg or Colostomy Begg (okay I stole that one from someone else, but moving on). Which one should I choose, or is there another witty play on words I'm missing.

  7. Dear Scott

    Have you managed to get a really close look at the Norwegian Curling Costumes? Is the trouser fabric textured or just a print?

  8. Dear Scott,

    Why was Dale Begg-Smith so ecstatic when he was on the podium, being acknowledged for his second place finish, men's moguls, at Cypress Mountain? He was uncontrollable in his gushing enthusiasm. Did you offer him a ride on the Macleans bobsled, or something?

  9. Dear Scott,

    The Opening Ceremonies was all about shoving patriotism down our throats – Did the world not know we were the greatest already?

    Also, as depicted in the Opening Ceremonies, do prairie folk only swim through stalks of wheat for hours at a time or do they partake in other pastimes? Is swimming through wheat a good way to exfoliate dry skin?

    Cheers,

  10. Dear Scott,

    Can you tell us what Gaetan Boucher did to piss off VANOC?

    How can one explain that VANOC chose as their Olympic Cauldron lighter an Olympian who participated in a single, solitary Olympic Games in which he failed to win a medal, and yet apparently didn't even give a PHONE CALL to a two time Olympic Champion who won four medals in two Olympics and held the record for most medals by a Canadian in a single Olympic Games for eighteen years?

    • Dear Lord Kitchener:

      Is he your uncle or something? Because if most people have to wikipedia this person to find out who they are, they probably should not be lighting the cauldron. Gretzky may not have been the best choice, but could you imagine the furor if that relative unknown lit the flame?

      Regards,

      • You had to use Wikipedia to find out who Gaetan Boucher is???

        Look, I didn't like the choice of Gretzky, but my point is not that Boucher should have been chosen to light the cauldron. In fact, I don't think he'd make my top three or four choices either. My point is simply that I find it unconscionable that a man with Gretzky's Olympic accomplishments (he almost won a bronze medal in his one appearance at the Olympic Games) gets to light the Olympic cauldron, and Gaetan Boucher doesn't even get a phone call.

        How does Jacques Villeneuve get a larger role in a Canadian Olympic Opening Ceremony than Gaetan freakin' Boucher?!?!?!?

        • Agreed. How about Daniel Igali? Instead we get a Canadian so proud he .. uhhh… lives in the US. Not that I care about that, but lighting the cauldron is a pretty symbolically impotant thing to do. Obviously, VANOC caved and picked someone the world knows.

  11. How come they've managed to successfully combine marksmanship with skiing in order to create the biathlon, but so far have been unable to combine marksmanship with figure skating in order to create a sport that I would like to call, Sow Cow Ka-Pow?

    Is the long gun registry somehow to blame?

    • Boy, that Tonya Harding-Nancy Kerrigan thing could have been real messy!

  12. Is it just me or have the "Hurry….. Hurry hard"s of curling become louder and louder over the years to the point where they are now somewhat akin to watching Maria Sharipova grunt her way through a tennis match?

    • If the "Hurry Hards" of curling were ANYTHING like Maria Sharipova grunting, I'd be a MUCH bigger fan of curling.

  13. Dear Scott,

    Although I enjoyed the opening ceremonies, I couldn't help but notice that beloved cultural icon Pam Anderson was completely shut out of the celebration. I found the choice to exclude Pam quite puzzling. Is this not a time when we should be celebrating our aritsts, our thespians and our culture makers? What gives?

    • DirtyOldTown has a point. Her Baywatch run down the beach is iconic athleticism at its best. And she is from Nanaimo which is sort of in Canada.

    • And the ceremonies were even in the building where her road to fame begin. I hadn't thought about it, but you're right, she totally belonged there.

      • See, I thought the homage to mountains was a metaphoric tip of the hat to Anderson.

  14. Dear Scott,

    It's long been a dream of mine to win an Olympic gold medal, but the International Olympic Committee has long thwarted my dreams by only including events that, uh, don't take advantage of my particular skill set. While you're out there, do you think you could bend the ear of some IOC types to convince them to add some events that I would be better able to compete in? You might suggest Potato Chip Eating, or Procrastinating From Law School by Playing Video Games. Any help would be much appreciated.

  15. My identical twin recently passed away. He was part of the top secret Own the Podium 2012 Avatar program. Because we share identical DNA, the government is asking me to take over my brother's Avatar and begin training to compete in the decathlon. I'm interested but only if they let me also compete in the synchorized swimming event and convince Emmanuelle Chriqui to be my swim partner.

    How much bargaining power do I really have here?

  16. Dear Scott,

    Who is that guy who seems to be at every Canadian international hockey game holding the "He/She Shoots, He/She Scores!" poster and wears a goal light on his head. Because he is at the women's games, the men's games, even at the world juniors. Who is he and why won't he go home?

  17. Dear Scott:

    I feel that I am not showing my "Spirit" nearly enough to suit these Olympic games. Do you have any tips, or possibly incomprehesible drunken phrases I may shout to better show this "Spirit?"