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Osama bin Laden: the evolving account of what happened that night

Scott Feschuk predicts the news


 

Sunday

Intense firefight lasting 45 minutes. Bin Laden engaged in said firefight. Used wife as human shield. Wife killed. Bin Laden ultimately shot fatally in head by Navy SEALS in close-quarters gun battle.

 • • •

Monday

Pretty intense firefight “throughout the operation.” SEALS faced “heavy fire from [those] in the house.” No human shield – bin Laden’s wife wounded after being shot in leg while lunging at U.S. forces. Bin Laden himself unarmed; shot in head while potentially reaching for a rifle or explosives.

 • • •

Wednesday

“Firefight” consisted of Navy SEALS being shot at by bin Laden courier in the guest house. Courier quickly killed, as was Osama’s brother, whom SEALS “believed was preparing to fire a weapon.” Osama bin Laden shot in head while standing in room where an AK-47 and a pistol were “in arm’s reach.”

 • • •

Next Monday

No bullets fired at U.S. forces, but Navy SEALS pretty certain that bin Laden’s courier shot them a dirty look. U.S. forces engaged no fewer than three of Osama’s lieutenants in point-blank slap fights. In harrowing exchange, SEALS narrowly averted several of their feelings being wounded. Bin Laden shot in head after cheating at Pictionary.

 • • •

Next Thursday

Everyone in compound was gathered in rec room watching The Mentalist. Navy SEALS politely waited until program ended.

 • • •

July, 2012

First Hollywood movie released depicting raid that killed bin Laden. It is rated G.


 
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Osama bin Laden: the evolving account of what happened that night

  1. You left out the mulcarian "Nobody took pictures on this Abbottabad field trip."

  2. Sid Meier (a well known Canadian) was a key strategist for the seals. OBL was buried at sea in honour of Sid's under appreciated game, Pirates!

  3. This is the story board and time line for the "shoot" right? Await July 2012 with bated breath.

  4. Jessica Lynch was being held by bin Laden as the supposed wife.

  5. its not the end just the begginng against terror…america had done agreat job…when will india learn lesson from america???what about kasab..dawood…comeon india govt wakeup….

  6. Scott, you're understandably disoriented following Monday's momentous events, but you do understand you're waxing satirical about the Obama, and not the Bush White House, right?

    In hindsight, Obama should have anticipated the brouhaha over the minutia of the Seal raid and just sent in the Predator drone, woman & children be damned. A lot cleaner, metaphorically if not in actuality.

  7. The start of a post at the Canadian Defence & Foreign Affairs Institute's "3Ds Blog": http://www.cdfai.org/the3dsblog/?p=220

    "Killing Osama bin Laden

    I have been uncomfortable with the de facto execution of an unarmed man confronted with effectively overwhelming force. On the other hand…

    The man was not a head of state or of government. Nor indeed an official of any sort of legitimate organization. He was in the true sense of the word an outlaw…"

    Mark
    Ottawa

    • I think this is called spam

  8. Well, I thought this was really funny! And there are links to prove this is a reasonable, credible, line of thought.

    May I suggest this has been a PR disaster for all involved without getting 10 thumbs down?

    I mean really, what were they thinking? LOL

  9. I’d give money to see his cowardly face split open by a .223 round! Great job Seals.

  10. Good work Scott. Humour might make many people think more deeply about how international law and humane codes have been violated by a country purporitng to be the greatest democracy the world has known. Getting your man by breaking the rules is not the same thing as fighting fairly. Surely the USA has responsibility to be moral as well as powerful if it is to be a plantetary leader, rather than global enforcer.
    Sad
    (do not publish my name or eamil, please.)

  11. July 2012 is the only true entry and only partially correct as Hollywood will have it out before year's end.

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