Political boxing matches we'd pay to see - Macleans.ca

Political boxing matches we’d pay to see

Trudeau-Brazeau, like every great grudge match, deserves a high-profile sequel—or four


Fred Chartrand/CP Images

It’s been almost a month since Trudeau beat Brazeau, Trudeau cut Brazeau’s hair, and Brazeau donned the Liberal Party sweater of shame in Parliament the next day. But who’s next? Surely this isn’t the end of high profile political scraps. At least, it shouldn’t be. Listed below are 4 potential parliamentary boxing matchups.

Who would you pay to see? Scroll to the bottom to cast your vote!

Thrilla on the Hilla II: Marc Garneau VS. Peter MacKay

Getty Images; Photo Illustration by Liz Sullivan

The Liberal House leader recently chided MacKay for his fighter jet foibles, calling him incompetent or “not too bright”. They should fight. Winner takes hot foreign wife.

Thrilla on the Hilla III: Alison Redford VS. Danielle Smith

Getty Images; Photo Illustration by Liz Sullivan

It’s a far cry from Girlfight but we’ll take it. These two are neck and neck in the Alberta election polls right now and raring to go (some say Smith’s Wildrose party is going to terminate the Tories’ 41-year reign of Alberta). Or as Smith recently said about Redford: “She is the kind of leader who will say anything to get elected and then when she is elected it’s not worth the paper it’s written on”. Them’s fightin’ words, Danielle.

Thrilla on the Hilla IV: Thomas Mulcair VS. Bob Rae

Getty Images; Photo Illustration by Liz Sullivan

Mulcair thinks Rae’s scared of newborn boxing aficionado and grown man Justin Trudeau, and Rae thinks Mulcair is a mean-spirited “mini-Harper”. Why not make the opposition really official, and have them duke it out in the ring? At least then Mulcair’s gun show promos won’t seem so creepy.

Thrilla on the Hilla V: Stephen Harper VS. This Girl

Getty Images; Photo Illustration by Liz Sullivan

No one really knows what happened to Brigette DePape—the Harper hating senate page turned lefty superstar, who lost her job last year after staging a one woman protest during the Conservatives’ Throne Speech. If she’s still alive (some say she has been eaten by Michael Moore) I do hope she makes a reappearance on Parliament Hill and challenges the PM to a formal duel. After all, the system is won from within.


Political boxing matches we’d pay to see

  1. Garneau would beat Mackay if only because the fight would be over before Peter figured out which glove went on which hand. Another problem might be every time the bell was rung Peter would leap up and yell yea, i vote yea!…i meant nay!

    Harper wouldn’t be allowed to fight; he wouldn’t be allowed to cart his naughty tummy around on a dolly. Besides that spunky girl would clean his clock. She’d have his balls in a vise inside a minute, that is she could ever find them.

    Rae would probably beat Mulcair if only because he’d probably talk him to death in the clinches, that or Tom would be disqualified for trying to bite off Bob’s ear.  

    The fight i want to see is tony up against Kent…biggest moron wins.Maybe Toews could spell them off?

  2. Forget these lightweight matches and get right to the Main Event:

    2005 Harper vs 2012 Harper in an “Ethics vs Compromise Slapdown”

  3. Boxing’s been done.  How about Garneau vs. MacKay in a fencing duel, Redford vs. Smith in tennis, Harper vs. DePape in either a spelling bee or something involving skates.  Rae vs. Mulcair in reminiscences about their opponent’s party?

  4. Some Canadian media/political figures I wouldn’t mind seeing punched in the face that much:
    Pierre Poutine
    Pierre Poilievre
    Dean del Mastro
    Ezra Levant
    Heather Mallick
    Hedy Fry
    Justin Trudeau (though I would NOT want to box him!)
    George Smitherman
    Pat Martin
    Jean Charest

  5. We are missing the real duel of Justin Trudeau vs Bob Rae?

  6. Uh, I know this article was written before the DePape book tour launch, but it’s pretty stupid to say “nobody knows what happened to her” when a quick google search at the time would inform you of subsequent activities.

    Has Maclean’s really gotten this lazy?