Special “Most Unprecendented Week Ever” Caption Challenge (Sorry, Aimee)



For this Caption Challenge, I invite you to imagine a conversation between these two luckless gentlemen, who on an unprecedented evening of tremendous unprecedentedness find themselves confronted with an unprecendented quantity of out-of-focusness – and also what might be, if they squint hard enough, a politician of some kind in there somewhere.

The winner, as decided by a jury of me and the other members of the new Throwing Up Our Hands in Exasperation wing of the Liberal party, will receive a lovely gift. I was thinking of bestowing the exact model of video camera used to tape Stephane Dion’s address, but I do not wish to be perceived as a cheapo. Perhaps a tin of mints instead?

Programming note: The Monday Mailbag will not be seen as scheduled next week. It will return the following week.

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Special “Most Unprecendented Week Ever” Caption Challenge (Sorry, Aimee)

  1. You think it is easy to….

    (never mind)

  2. “Worst one-minute hate ever.”

  3. Guy on left: “I guess the salesman needs glasses.”

    Guy on right: “I think he’s saying we have to stimulate the high-tech industry.”

    Guy on left: “Well, at least none of them have surround sound.”

  4. “Even at 40%off, I don’t think the public’s going to buy it.”

  5. Maybe Harper is right, Quebecers shouldn’t count ….

  6. “Does Gerard Kennedy support this?”

  7. “I can’t believe how crappy the reception is on these brand new TV’s.”

  8. Option 1:

    “I’m starting to think that Dion lacks the necessary focus to lead a coalition government.”

    “Yeah — and look at how blurry he is.”

    Option 2:

    “Hey, check out the new high definition plasma screen.”

    “That’s… not HD”

    “Uh, yeah — it is!”

    “No it isn’t. Look at Dion; he’s all blury”

    “No — he just… sucks.”



    (10 points to those who get the reference of Option 2)

  9. I dont understand, is he holding himself hostage?

  10. I didn’t think he had enough support to be on all six televisions.

  11. VoiceOver: “Significantly.. Significantly….Significantly….”
    Man on Left: “I think the DVD is skipping…”

    Matt-Option 2 – Is it from the commercial for Rogers with the guy from “Godiva’s” and the TV shot of the shruken goalie?

  12. “Sony quickly realized that using this particular video as its programming feature on its showroom TVs drastically and suddenly reduced their potential buyers to the very limited ‘mid-thirties white-shirted geeks’ demographic.”

  13. “Can we switch it back to CSi Miami?”

  14. FAIL

  15. ron: 10 POINTS!

  16. Salesmen watch Bashful demonstrate the “Seven Dwarf Whistle” they propose to replace the ineffective “Grumpy Grunt” while Doc, Dopey, Happy, Sleepy, and Sneezy wait in the wings.

    This is the result of Snow White’s agreement to shut the mine for 53 days, ending gold production but buying time for the dwarfs to reach a consensus agreement — grunt or whistle.

    Canadians are split. They can all grunt but not everyone can whistle.

  17. He’s not only focusing on the economy, he’s economizing on the focus.

  18. Richard,


  19. Guy on left: “Is that kid on TV doing a goldfish imitation or is he looking for someone to like him?”
    Guy on right: “Must be the goldfish thing; if it was the other, he would have got an adult to help him with the video.”

  20. “Oh, crap. Which one is the real Dion?”

    “Bottom right! Hurry, shoot there!”

  21. “So, what do you figure? Should we go with the LCD or the Plasma?”

  22. “You’re right, Pete: six times nuthin’ is still nuthin’.”

  23. “You think *this* is bad, Pete? Before you got here, it was something called “The Couch Boys Live” with these two – I don’t even know what the hell they were – yammering about the NFL, all the while with their heads up their asses…”

  24. Where’s that GD clicker box !?

  25. First guy: “WTF?!…I shouldn’t have had that fifth gin & tonic…I’m seeing six of everything and it’s all frickin’ blurry …”

    Second guy: “Dion thinks he should be Prime Minister?! I should have quit after the fourth drink, too…”

  26. “Kill all six of us, Spock.”

  27. I was expecting a little more clarity from this guy.

  28. This guy can make a coup sound boring.

  29. “what these televisions need is a filter that would screen out blurry, lame-duck, and incompetent Liberals”

  30. “Is this the Liberal leader’s address to the public?”
    “No, I think this must be one of those ‘Dion is not a leader’ Conservative Party attack ads”

  31. “I know the Liberal colours are red, but did he have to paint his face?”
    “Nah, that’s just the video. And it’s not just the colour, the focus is also wrong. If the camera-man can’t take him seriously, why should I?”

  32. “oh my god god god god god god it’s full of stars stars stars stars stars stars”

  33. “What’s that, Stephen?”

    –“I said there’s no Canadian flag there.”

  34. Guy #1: You see this?

    Guy#2: Yeah, I know, I thought they canceled the Trailer Park Boys too!

  35. Guy on right: Gimme the clicker. I wanna switch to some Canadian TV I can actually stand.

    Guy on left: Trouble with Tracy?

    Guy on right: No, Hilarious House of Frightenstein.

    Guy on left: Oooga. Boooga.

  36. I don’t have any clever quips but his performance reminded me of astronauts talking to Houston because they always used to be shot from the shoulder up and were always a little of out of focus too. I thought it was appropriate because I have thought Dion was a bit of a space cadet, off in his own little world, for a while now.

    Scott F

    Do you have any inside knowledge of what happened on Wednesday yet, I am dying to find out what happened. I was wondering if they sent the wrong tape off to the stations because I assume they did numerous takes during filming process and I find it hard to believe that was the best one.

  37. Wow, the Liberals are making a strong case for why they need that $1.75 a vote…

  38. Guy #1: Did you see the new Pepto Bismol commercial?

    Guy #2: So is that one nausea or diarrhea?

  39. Sometimes pictures don’t need a caption, they speak for themselves.

    On a related subject, I like to watch a lot of sporting events, am I better off with a plasma or LCD?

  40. You know Tim, my mom use to tell me that my eyes would go bad if I sat too close to the TV and I always thought she didn’t know what she was talking about. But I guess she was right.

  41. Guy #1: “Well, what do think?”

    Guy #2: “Clearly, the substandard production values have deep implications for the Governal General’s consideration of a proroguation request. She’ll have no choice but to agree.”

    Guy #1: “That makes no sense at all.”

    Guy #2: “Shut up, you f*cking commie separatist traitor!”

  42. Correction: that would be “Governor General”. My fingers are attempting a coup on me, it would seem.

  43. He looks waaay more fuzzworthy than Harper, don’t ya think?

  44. When they downsized CTV, I guess they didn’t realize that Craig Oliver would have to do his own camera work, eh?

  45. Didn’t I see this on Youtube? Lonelyliberal_1234?

  46. Aw, man, they flipped our tape ! We filmed him LEFT of center ! The message is ruined now.

  47. Wasn’t the Sens game supposed to be on by now?

  48. Looking at 6 faces of this two face is going to make my head explode!

  49. Wow. Take a cellphone-cam, or whatever Fisher-Price/Mattel/Crayola Kidzcam they used, broadcast it to a retail outlet’s wall of hi-def screens, take a pic of that, and post the web-page quality JPEG on a web page, and it looks sharper than what I saw on my own TV. What gives?

    Was this the opposition leader’s infamous tardy address to the nation? Or a video-linked interview by a news channel using real TV cameras?

  50. Guy 1: Amazing what cell phone cameras can do these days, isn’t it?
    Guy 2: Yes, not too bad, if you don’t mind the loss of clarity in HD or on any TV, or for that matter anywhere else.

  51. Kudos to Sisyphus for his 22 Minutes shoutout (I worked briefly on the show and getting to write jokes for that particular skit was the highlight), to Mike T. (nice Trek reference – the evil shape-shifter episode!), to Richard and to radiofreecollingwood. Many fine entries in there, folks. But I’m going to give the prize to Crystal for her 40% off entry, which made me laugh. Crystal, send me an email to sfeschuk@sympatico.ca and I’ll ship off your booty (so to speak).

    jwl: The Globe had a piece today that attempted to explain the tape fiasco. It hit the major points. Any further inside information that I possess could not be said to rehabilitate anyone’s reputation, so let’s leave it at that.

    Don Smith: it’s all about the refresh rate. look it up on Google: refresh rate.

  52. ” it’s all about the refresh rate. look it up on Google: refresh rate”

    I tried that. It keeps taking to me to a page about Liberals leaders in the post-Chretien era.

  53. I’m seeing double – twelve Stephane Dions!!

  54. Scott F

    Thanks for the tip. Sounds like many mistakes were made all the way up the line. I think this was your best caption challenge yet, a bunch of people’s entries made me laugh out loud.

  55. Dion: “My name is what? My name is who? My name is *shickashickashick” Slim Shady

  56. Scott F:

    I refuse to accept the results. I intend to form a coalition of commenters here to overturn the results and award victory to myself.

  57. sf challenging SF.

    Looks like an uppity lower case to me.

  58. sf-

    I’m not trying to intimidate you, but if you form a coalition of commenters, there is a good chance we will have to broadcast a video plea. I’m pretty sure that I have a 2MP video camera on my cellphone, which is near broadcast quality (or so I’m lead to believe). It’s better for the stability of all commenters to accept Scott’s vote.

  59. Looks like the Monday Mailbag got prorogued just in time, eh?

  60. “Reality TV just keeps on getting worse and worse…”

  61. Guy 1: Maybe I should have voted for him.

    Guy 2: You serious?!?

    Guy 1: He knows where to cut corners- he wouldn’t have looked or sounded any better in High Definition.

  62. Doesn’t matter how many times Dion tries to kiss our butts – no sale!

  63. Don Smith: it’s all about the refresh rate. look it up on Google: refresh rate.

    The refresh rate info is the problem. What about the Panasonic plasma 1,000,000 : 1 dynamic refresh rate, but 30,000 regular refresh rate, vs. Samsung plasma 50,000 regular refresh rate!?!

    I’ll vote for whoever tells me what the ultimate 40inch-ish HDTV for under $1800 is!

  64. correction: vs. Samsung LCD 50,000 regular refresh rate!?!

  65. I nominate the Panasonic TH42PZ85

    Bonus: on sale now at Future Shop for $1399

  66. That’s absurdly overpriced, IMHO. Two years ago I bought (as a present for someone) a Sony 32″ for $900! Why have TV prices plateaued, esp. in this economic environment?

  67. I nominate the Panasonic TH42PZ85

    I like advice that matches the way I’m already thinking..done!

    Ok, a deal is a deal…now run for something and I’ll vote for you.

  68. That’s absurdly overpriced, IMHO.

    I can get a 40″ Sony LCD for $799, but you get what you pay for..and for that I’d get a pretty mediocre picture and TV. Around $1500 is the minimum you need to pay for a quality 40 or 42 inch HDTV.

  69. Ah, thanks, Don, that’s good to know.

  70. For the fifth spring in a row, I wonder why we call grass seed …. grass seed.

    My question to you Feschuk is: wouldn't there be more truth in advertising if we called it bird seed and not grass seed like suppliers seem to do?

    • It's true. I put bird seed on the lawn, and birds appear.

  71. What are your thoughts on Ignatieff's National Food Strategy? If the answer does not contain a Kirstie Alley joke I'll be very disappointed.

    • What is our national food?

      • Oh Man, if this is really what Ignatieff really meant I'm on board. No more relying on Canadian bacon – we can have a whole set of national foods. A poutine for every province!

        • This is awesome. I have never voted Liberal but will do so if Ignatieff is serious about a national holiday in February to eat butter tarts at strip clubs.

      • Butter tarts. Can't buy them anywhere else in world.

        • Are you wilfully choosing to ignore Nanaimo bars?

          • I have bought Nanaimo bars in US and UK but I never found a butter tart anywhere else. Butter tarts are uniquely Canadian, I think. But I agree nanaimo bars are delicious and Canadian.

          • Indeed–I live in Los Angeles and make butter tarts for Americans from time to time–they are always amazed and find them deeply delicious and new. They've never heard of them.

          • I don't like NB's but I love butter tarts. My Mom"s were the best.

    • Let's hope not – battling obesity is not funny nor should people fighting the battle be made fun of. Enough that kids tease kids

  72. Why is the word "Lobby" a verb?

    Do you "vestibule" your local MP. Do you have to register any "porching" activity? Do you need to file a report on "bedrooming" if you're anyone but Maxime Bernier?

  73. Some years ago (ya I know I've been wasting my time here for that long – what can I say, I'm self employed), I think you ran a contest on the most annoying person on TV – can't remember who won but I think David Caruso (CSI – Miami) was in the running. Now he is on pretty much 24/7 on re-runs, still really annoying and now there are number of websites dedicated to D.C. one liners (e.g., http://thegrumpiest.com/?p=3605 ), including much shades/on shades/off drama on Youtube.

    Can you do something to make this really annoying person go way?

  74. The House of Commons sent me a note yesterday saying that I was no longer permitted to throw spider monkeys down the elevator shaft of the peace tower. Why even become Prime Minister?

  75. Dear Scott,

    I am told the answer is 42. What was the question, again?

    • Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!

      So long, and thanks for all the fish…

    • Life, the universe and everything.

  76. At what point will Helena realize what a incredibly bad idea it was to hook up with the failed politician and business tycoon?
    Also, how does one refinance a $880K house in Rockcliffe when your former colleague Jim Flaherty recently tightened the mortgage rules to the point you no longer can afford it, you are married to a deadbeat with no serious job prospects other than bottle-drive manager, and you just took a huge cut in pay yourself?

  77. Is it true that an unexamined life is not worth living? Because I happen to be in the midst of an examination period of sorts right now and, to be perfectly honest, I can't say that I care for it very much.

  78. How's your campaign to be the next governor-general coming along, Scott?

    • Let's just say that it's a job "No Scott has ever gone before"…

  79. I'm a Sens fan… …

    that's about it, I'm hoping you have something to feel make me better.

    As a follow up, do the Liberals have any national strategies to make the Senators win in the playoffs?

    • Use actual senators?

    • Send Erik Karlsson back to Sweden?

  80. A few weeks ago, all the MPs in the House wore blue ties and scarves in support of Jack Layton's battle with prostate cancer.

    Why isn't brown the official colour for prostate cancer?

  81. Don't seem to be able to get the link to work

  82. Scott,
    I've been listening to this Tony Clement fellow of late. He seems to have a sense of humour. How did Stephen Harper miss this critical flaw and allow him to be appointed to his Cabinet?

  83. Hey Scott. Looking for a fourth for our tee time on Friday. You in?

  84. Ohhhhh. Mailbaggery. I clicked on the link because I misread your title as "Male Baggery." I was eager to find out which politicians engaged in Male Baggery and was very disapointed to discover your post contained no such information.

    Was this similarity accidental on your part or is it part of a new culture of deceit taking root at MacLeans?

  85. Any suggestions for the "Name Jason Spezza's Spawn" contest that is current running "on another network"?

  86. Am I only person who finds the 'hunky' teacher on Glee to be unattractive and annoying?

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