17

stephen harper expertly works the 88 keys of a reporter’s heart


 

There’s a piece in the Globe this morning that’s written off an “exclusive” interview with Stephen Harper on the topic of the arts and his government’s cuts to certain culture programs. I read it online, but can safely assume the print version comes complete with a smudge of lipstick and a dab of perfume, as all love letters must. (“…a more sophisticated and artistic Stephen Harper… ‘This is not a Philistine’… life-long affair with music,” etc. etc.)

A particular highlight of this bittersweet symphony comes when the intrepid reporter trumpets that his “source” has “confirmed that the Tory Leader plays [the piano] regularly.” Your move, Woodward and Bernstein.

But the two most memorable revelations in the tender ode to the Conservative leader’s sensitive side are that:

a) Harper “used to write poetry.” An image immediately leaps to mind of a young Harper, clad in black turtleneck, perhaps a bongo drum off to the side, looking up from his pad of paper through the haze of smoke and asking of a barely dressed female companion: “Hey baby – what rhymes with ‘demand inelasticity’?”

b) Harper “occasionally performs at parties with his informal band of friends and staff, Stephen and the Firewalls, a delightfully ironic name given his government’s reputation for secrecy.” Actually, the name is “ironic” because it references his pledge to build a firewall around the province of Alberta. Isolationism – hilarious! It’s also “ironic” because Harper sees no irony at all in the name.


 
Filed under:

stephen harper expertly works the 88 keys of a reporter’s heart

  1. Battle of the Bands! Stephen and the Firewalls vs. the Parizeau Pure Laine Symphony

  2. Hannibal Lecter played the piano too. Wait a second — what happened to the Book on Hockey that Harper was writing at the time of the last election?

    I thought his son was an avid hockey player. What have you all done to Macho Steve?

  3. That can’t be!!

    Harper has a cold black heart.

    It’s what the media tells me so it must be true.

  4. Stephen Harper has more in common with ordinary Canadians than Paul “born with a silver spoon in his mouth” Martin and Stephane “I will be the first PM with PhD*” Dion.

    * Dion actually was touting this during his summer tour. The Liberals had to backtrack when they found out that he wouldn’t be the first. But more importantly it highlights his well-known arrogance.

  5. People with cold black hearts can still play the piano, kody.

    Exhibit one: Stephen Harper

    Somewhere deep in that heart though is a starbuck’s intellectual (no, not Tom Flanagan) just waiting to bleed out the left side of his heart and onto our television screens.

    He will bleed left before October and will liken it to a wonderful full-bodied 2005 pinot noir from the Niagara region.

  6. Harper is an economist who’s spent most of his adult life in politics and with an above average income. I’m not sure that is any closer to “ordinary” Canadians than Dion.

  7. Harper scares me. I don’t want to live in the USA, anymore than all the Americans who are leaving because they’re scared of their government do. If I wanted what Harper was offering (secretly), I’d move there.

    Anybody want to buy a $1 house in Canada? Just vote for Harper and wait a couple years! I hope you don’t own a house…

  8. I can see it now the softening of that balefull glaze, the tender glances at the poor leader of the opposition and his last days leading an inerrant band of semi-competent men at arms once more to the breeches lads! Perhaps an ode to a once and mighty natural governing party fated by the foreboding Ides of March only this time in October. The furtive glances between Dion and Elizabeth lead to thoughts of their upcoming tryst mayhaps a Symphonie Fantastique, Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, or Strauss’s opera Salome might be fitting indeed.

  9. Jarrid: So you’re saying that we shouldn’t expect more than ordinary leadership from Mr. Harper in these “uncertain economic times”?

  10. “Such remarks are sure to stoke the ire of arts supporters who have cautioned that the Tories wish to dictate taste and censor artists who don’t conform, a fear that has its roots in the debate over Bill C-10.”

    I will take ‘arts supporters’ complaints more seriously when they stop claiming things like this. The bureaucracy already ‘dictates taste’ and ‘censors artists’ but tory critics are ok with that because the censoring that is already occuring fits in with their worldview.

    They just have a problem with dictating taste when a government they don’t support, but represents the people, comes in and wants to change things a bit.

  11. Now we know why Harper usually avoids the media. He’s been warned that his overly-powerful animal magnetism will cause too many of them to become dangerously infatuated with him, leading to no end of scandal and national security risks.

  12. “Stephen Harper has more in common with ordinary Canadians than”

    This may make you feel better about yourself, but has nothing to do with whether he makes an effective PM.

  13. “a) Harper “used to write poetry.” An image immediately leaps to mind of a young Harper, clad in black turtleneck, perhaps a bongo drum off to the side, looking up from his pad of paper through the haze of smoke and asking of a barely dressed female companion: “Hey baby – what rhymes with ‘demand inelasticity’?””

    Ahem.

    Demand inelasticity
    Depresses the toxicity
    Of vest-clad domesticity:
    Both marital felicity
    And music’s electricity
    Can make for good publicity
    Despite the eccentricity
    Of cold inelasticity.

  14. It’s meeting the man of my dreams
    And then meeting his beautiful wife

    Laureen’s interview later. She was busy putting away like ten thousand spoons.

  15. LOL!

  16. Jack Mitchell, you are fantastic.

  17. Sophie, Ron Jeremy retired due to loss of demand inelasticity.

Sign in to comment.